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Ch. 4 & Ch. 8

appropriateness:

(p. 255) A measure of communication competence that indicates the degree to which your communication matches the situational, relational, and cultural expectations regarding how people should communicate.

attributional complexity:

(p. 269) An ability to acknowledge multiple and complicated explanations for the behavior of others. For example, in spite of Anna's remark, "Well, I guess Raul's mad at you," Justine thinks there could be several reasons why Raul didn't say hello to her.

communication apprehension:

(p. 271) The fear or nervousness associated with communicating with others.

communication plans:

(p. 271) Mental maps that describe exactly how communication encounters will unfold prior to interacting in the situation or with people who cause apprehension. For example, before calling to complain about her telephone bill, Marjorie mentally rehearses how she will explain her problem and what objections she might face. See also plan actions; plan contingencies.

communication skills:

(pp. 29, 254) Repeatable behaviors that enable you to improve the quality of your interpersonal encounters and relationships. See also appropriateness; interpersonal communication competence.

control messages:

(p. 274) Defensive responses that seek to squelch criticism by controlling the other individual or the encounter—for instance, saying, "You need to remember who you're talking to"

conventional messages:

(p. 260) Communicating to emphasize the achievement of instrumental goals in a situation; that is, focusing narrowly on effectiveness—for example, saying, "You're late again today and were late twice last week. You know the rules about tardiness."

defensive communication:

(p. 274) Incompetent responses to suggestions, criticism, or perceived slights. For instance, when Stacy asks Lena to slow down her driving, Lena snaps back, "I'm not going that fast. If you don't like the way I drive, ride with someone else."

dogmatic messages:

(p. 274) Defensive responses that refuse to recognize other viewpoints as valid, such as saying, "Why would I change? I've always done it like this!"

effectiveness:

(p. 257) The ability to use communication to accomplish interpersonal goals.

ethnocentrism:

(p. 269) The belief that your own culture's ways are superior to those of all other cultures. For example, Americans, accustomed to lining up, who consider cultures that don't use waiting lines as disorganized

ethics:

(pp. 19, 258) The principles that guide our behavior toward others. Ethical communication consistently displays respect, kindness, and compassion.

expressive messages:

(p. 259) Disclosing messages that convey what you think and feel so others know exactly what you think and feel, even when the message would be inappropriate or ineffective—for example, calmly saying, "I'm angry because you're late again," or snarling, "You're late again and I'm fed up with your whiney excuses."

flaming:

(p. 264) Inappropriately aggressive online messages that wouldn't be conveyed in person. For example, Robert writes a nasty e-mail to his coworker Matt, calling him an "egotistical fathead" and ridiculing his project as "moronic nonsense."

high self-monitors:

(p. 256) People who are highly sensitive to appropriateness and can adapt their behavior accordingly. For example, Leon becomes aware he's been preoccupied and silent during the group discussion, so he apologizes and leans forward to listen more attentively.

indifference messages:

(p. 274) Defensive responses that imply the criticism or suggestion being offered is irrelevant, uninteresting, or unimportant, such as saying, "This is supposed to interest me?"

intercultural competence:

(p. 267) The ability to communicate with people from different backgrounds in ways that are ethical, appropriate, and effective.

interpersonal communication competence:

(pp. 29, 254) The ability to communicate consistently in appropriate, effective, and ethical ways.

loneliness:

(p. 272) Feelings of social isolation and lack of companionship.

low self-monitors:

(p. 256) People who are not sensitive to appropriateness or resist adapting their behavior. For instance, Amanda continues telling long stories about herself without realizing her listeners find her boring. Contrast high self-monitors.

online disinhibition:

(p. 264) A tendency to share more personal information openly and directly during online interactions than in person. For example, in e-mails, Shannon finds herself confiding in Paul about her previous marriage much more readily than she ever does when they are face-to-face.

plan actions:

(p. 272) Mentally preparing for a communication situation by thinking through how you will perform in an encounter that causes anxiety. For instance, although Justine is nervous about her first parent-teacher conference, she plans to greet each parent warmly, and she prepares notes about each student's progress to stay on track.

plan contingencies:

(p. 272) Mentally anticipating what the other person might say and how you would respond during an encounter. For instance, to be prepared for whatever might come up, Jacob tried out various scenarios in his mind about what questions he might be asked during a job interview.

rhetorical messages:

(p. 260) Responses intended to successfully blend all three ingredients of competent communication: appropriateness, effectiveness, and ethics. For example—saying, "I'm sorry you've been having trouble arriving on time. Let's figure out what we can do so that this doesn't happen again."

shyness:

(p. 272) The tendency to be timid, be reserved, and talk less in the presence of others.

superiority messages:

(p. 274) Defensive responses that claim special knowledge, ability, or status above the other persons'—for example, saying, "I have more experience and have been doing this longer than you."

verbal aggression:

(p. 275) The tendency to attack the appearance, behavior, or character of others—for example, calling someone names or ridiculing what someone is wearing—rather then their positions.

world-mindedness:

(p. 268) The ability to practice and demonstrate acceptance and respect toward other cultures' beliefs, values, and customs. Contrast ethnocentrism.

Sequential Influence Techniques

Ways that people get others to do what they want by "setting them up" in a series of communicative "moves".

Low-Balling

People are induced to make a decision to purchase an item, agreeing to purchase it then they are informed that the lower price they agreed to can no longer be offered.

Foot-in-the-Door

A person gets a target to comply with a small request, then the person attempts to get the target to comply with a large request.

Door-in-the-Face

A person tries to get a target to comply with a huge request, then the person attempts to get the target to comply with a small request.

Cognitive Jealousy

Thoughts and worries (anything you're thinking)

Behavioral Jealousy

Actions (accusations)

Emotional Jealousy

Emotional/Physiological reaction

Jealousy

A protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship; a combination of negative emotions - primarily hurt, anger and fear.

Feedback

Consists of the verbal and nonverbal messages recipients convey to indicate their reaction to communication.

Empathy

The ability to experience others' thoughts and emotions; how another person is feeling in a situation.

Asynchronicity

We don't interact with others in real time, but instead exchange messages (such as e-mail or Facebook postings) that are read and responded to at later points.

Invisibility

Without sharing a physical context with people with whom we're communicating, we feel as if we're "not really there"; that is, people can't really see or hear us. Consequently we feel distant from the consequences of our messages.

"Jumped the Couch"

Meaning the defining moment when someone completely loses control of his or her behavior and emotions.

Extraversion

The degree to which a person is interested in interacting regularly with others and actively seeks out interpersonal encounters. People in high extraversion are outgoing and socialable; those in low extraversion are quiet and reserved.

Agreeableness

The degree to which a person is trusting, friends, and cooperative. People low in agreeableness are aggressive, suspicious, and uncooperative. Also known as friendliness.

Conscientiousness

The degree to which a person is organized and persistent in pursuing goal. People high in conscientiousness are methodical, well organized, and dutiful; those low in conscientiousness are less careful, less focused, and more easily distracted. Also known as dependability.

Neuroticism

The degree to which a person experiences negative thoughts about oneself. People high in neuroticism are prone to insecurity and emotional distress; people low in neuroticism are relaxed, less emotional, and less prone to distress. Also know as emotional stability

Openness

The degree to which a person is willing to consider new ideas and take interesting culture. People high in openness are more imaginative, creative, and interested in seeking out new experiences than those low in openness.

Paul Ekman (1972)

People around the world associate the same facial expressions with particular feelings. Part of improving our interpersonal communication is to recognize others' emotions.

"Hot" Emotions

when we recall emotions we've felt, we typically remember them as physically and mentally intense experiences such as Jesminder's reaction when her father surprises her with loving support. (Sweaty palms, dry mouth)

3 Primary things that impact communication

Self, Others (perception), Emotions

Biggest Misconception of Jealousy

Jealousy is related to low self-esteem (there is no correlation to self-esteem)

orbitofrontal cortex

the same part of the brain that controls empathy also monitors feedback. This means that our ability to experience empathy is neurologically tied to our ability to perceive feedback.

Zealous (Jealousy)

fervent (intense) devotion to a person or object

Invidere (Envy)

To look upon with malice

Two Factors Necessary for Jealousy to Occur

1. Whether or not the issue is self-defining
2. Whether or not there is a discrepancy between "self" and "ideal self" for this issue
(*Both must occur in order for jealousy to happen)

Self-Reliance (1st)

Continue current activities and "stay cool" - BEST WAY
-Kelly should have put the book back and continued cleaning instead of reading the book.
-"I can see you're upset, I'm sorry, let me know when you're ready to talk"

Self-Bolstering (3rd)

Happy thoughts about yourself to make you feel better
-"You're so wonderful, I only love you"
-The WORST strategy for dealing with jealousy

Selective Ignoring (2nd)

Minimize or re-evaluate importance
-"This is not a big deal"

anger:

(p. 135) Our most intense and potentially destructive emotion; The negative primary emotion that occurs when you are blocked or interrupted from attaining an important goal by what you see as the improper action of an external agent.

attention focus:

(p. 130) Preventing unwanted emotions by intentionally devoting your attention only to aspects of an event or encounter that you know will not provoke those emotions. For example, you disregard your uncle's snide comments while forcing all your interest on your aunt's conversation.

blended emotions:

(p. 122) Two or more primary emotions experienced at the same time. For instance, Melinda feels fear and anger when her daughter is not home after curfew.

catharsis:

(p. 136) Within the field of interpersonal communication, the assumption that openly expressing emotions enables you to purge them.

chronic hostility:

(p. 136) A persistent state of simmering or barely suppressed anger and constant negative thinking.

deactivation:

(p. 131) Preventing unwanted emotions by systematically desensitizing yourself to emotional experience. For example, Josh insulates himself with numbness after his wife's death.

display rules:

(p. 125) Cultural norms guiding appropriate ways to manage and communicate emotions. For example, customary ways to show grief range from stoic reserve to open weeping to exaggerated wailing.

emotion:

(p. 117) An intense reaction to an event that involves interpreting the meaning of the event, becoming physiologically aroused, labeling the experience as emotional, attempting to manage your reaction, and communicating this reaction in the form of emotional displays and disclosures.

emotional contagion:

(p. 118) The rapid spreading of emotion from person to person, such as anger running through a mob.

emotional intelligence:

(p. 129) The ability to accurately interpret your and others' emotions and to use this information to manage emotions, communicate them constructively, and solve relationship problems.

emotion management:

(p. 129) Attempts to influence which emotions you have, when you have them, and how you experience and express them.

emotion-sharing:

(p. 118) Disclosing our emotions to others.

encounter avoidance:

(p. 130) Preventing unwanted emotions by keeping away from situations or people likely to provoke them. For example, Jessica infuriates Roxanne, so Roxanne moves out of their shared apartment.

encounter structuring:

(p. 130) Preventing unwanted emotions by avoiding discussion of difficult topics in encounters with others. For instance, Natalie and Julie avoid talking about living expenses because Natalie is jealous of Julie's income.

feelings:

(p. 119) Short-term emotional reactions to events that generate only limited arousal, such as the fleeting nostalgia you experience hearing a familiar song.

grief:

(p. 139) Intense sadness that follows a substantial loss (such as the death of a loved one).

Jefferson strategy:

(p. 137) A strategy to manage your anger that involves counting slowly to 10 before responding to someone who says or does something that makes you angry. (The strategy was named after the third president of the United States.)

moods:

(p. 119) Low-intensity states of mind that are not caused by particular events and typically last longer than emotions. For example: boredom, contentment, grouchiness, serenity.

passion:

(p. 137) A blended emotion of joy and surprise coupled with other positive feelings like excitement, amazement, and sexual attraction.

primary emotions:

(p. 121) Six emotions that involve unique and consistent behavioral displays across cultures: anger, disgust, fear, joy, sadness, and surprise.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy:

(p. 127) A therapy developed by psychologist Albert Ellis that helps neurotic patients systemically purge themselves of the tendency to think negative thoughts about themselves.

reappraisal:

(p. 131) Actively changing how you think about the meaning of emotions-eliciting situations so that their emotional impact is changed. For instance, though previously fearful of giving a speech, Luke reduces his anxiety by repeating positive affirmations and getting excited about the chance to share what he knows.

supportive communication:

(p. 141) Sharing messages that express emotional support and that offer personal assistance, such as telling a person of your sympathy or listening to someone without judging.

suppression:

(p. 129) Inhibiting thoughts, arousal, and outward behavioral displays of emotion. For example, Amanda stifles her anger, knowing it will kill her chances of receiving a good tip.

venting:

(p. 130) Allowing emotions to dominate your thoughts and explosively expressing them, such as shrieking in happiness or storming into an office in a rage.

"Hot" Emotions:

when we recall emotions we've felt, we typically remember them as physically and mentally intense experiences such as Jesminder's reaction when her father surprises her with loving support. (Sweaty palms, dry mouth)

Reactive:

triggered by our perception of outside events; as we interpret the event's meaning, we decide whether the incident is positive, neutral, negative, or somewhere in between, triggering corresponding emotions.

Crush Phenomena

Quickest way to kill a crush is to get to know them better

Exercise

the most effective strategy for improving a bad mood

Elderspeak

a form of language characterized by a slower rate, a sing-song voice, an elevated pitch and volume, frivolous terms, and a simpler vocabulary than normal adult speech

Collectivist Cultures

people who put relational goals over instrumental goals to maintain harmony during interpersonal encounters

Credo of the National Communication Association (NCA)

the largest professional organization representing communication instructors, researcher, practitioners, and students in the United States. In 1999, the NCA Legislative Council adopted this "Credo for Ethical Communication)

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