| Term | Definition |
|---|
| Wallace Wallace | main character who never lies |
| Rachel Turner | president of drama club; fan of Julia Roberts |
| Trudi Davis | Rachel's best friend; boy-crazy; member of drama club |
| Dylan Turner | Rachel's younger brother; huge fan of Wallace Wallace |
| Steve Cavanaugh | football player; ex-best friend of Wallace |
| Rick Falconi | football player; creator of Rick-isms (icing on the gravy) |
| Feather Wrigley | football player; Coach's son |
| Coach Wrigley | coach of the Bedford Giants football team |
| Mr. Fogelman | English teacher; director of Old Shep, My Pal |
| Nathaniel Spitzner | member of drama club; Mr. Fogelman's right hand |
| Parker Schmidt | news reporter for Weekly Standard; fondly known as Porker Zit |
| Mrs. Wallace | Wallace's mom; divorced |
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