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Crisis Model

The view that changes in midlife are abrupt and often successful

Freud's Stages

1) Oral 2) anal 3) phallic 4) latncy 5) genital

Id, Ego, Superego

Three segments of personality structure

Erikson's stages

created the stages of child development / various tasks must be mastered at each age to achieve maturity

conscious

Freud's term for our current perceptions and thoughts

unconscious

according to Freud, a reservoir of mostly unacceptable thoughts, wishes, feelings, and memories. According to contemporary psychologists, information processing of which we are unaware.

preconscious

in Freud's theory, the level of consciousness in which thoughts and feelings are not conscious but are readily retrieveable to consciousness

denial

a defense mechanism that denies painful thoughts

repression

(psychiatry) the classical defense mechanism that protects you from impulses or ideas that would cause anxiety by preventing them from becoming conscious

sublimation

A defense mechanism where undesired or unacceptable impulses are transformed into behaviors which are accepted by society.

projection

defense mechanism by which people disguise their own threatening impulses by attributing them to others

introjection

Integrating the beliefs and values or another individual into one's own ego structure.

regression

a defense mechanism in which you flee from reality by assuming a more infantile state

reaction formation

defense mechanism by which the ego unconsciously switches unacceptable impulses into their opposites

rationalization

defense mechanism that offers self-justifying explanations in place of the real, more threatening, unconscious reasons for one's actions

secure attatchment

pattern of attatchment in which the infant is confident of the caregivers availability and responsiveness and can use the caregiver as a secure base for exploration

avoidant attatchment

child seeks little contact with mother, not distressed when she leaves,

ambivalent attatchment

the caregiver gives inconsistent care to the child ;therefore, the child becomes inconsistent with his/her responses, sometime clinging sometimes avoiding the mother

Disorganized attachment

children behave inconsistently, seem confused and act in contradictory ways

Attunement

Caregiver draws forth and inhances the infant's attention and involvement, pacing and modifying the stimulation in coordination with signs from the baby. Part of a more general style of parenting known as sensitive care.

Balance

The child develops a balance in his/her internal state based upon attunement with caregiver.

Coherence

The child can integrate the events in her life, creating a coherent story. Anger doesn't eradicate love!

Maslow's Hierarchy

triangle with SURVIVAL needs being FIRST then SAFETY AND SECURITY, LOVE AND BELONGING, EGO AND ESTEEM and SELF ACTUALIZATION needs

Secure attachment in adolescence

With peers, the adolescent is able to have a secure base of friends but not limited to these friends. The teen can also pursue his/her individual goals

Insecure-avoidant attachment in adolescence

The adolescent is socially isolated, avoids connection or is superficially connected to a group. Personal goals are subordinate to the need to avoid rejection or stay connected.

Insecure-ambivalent attachment in adolescence

The adolescent is insecure about his/her identity. The individual will fluctuate between the clinging to friend groups and then moving away from them. The teen may be more "other" focused than self focused.

Disorganized attachment in adolescence

The adolescent has difficulty making sense of his/her world. She may develop rigid roles to create order from the chaos or have huge fluctuations in identity.

Secure attachment in adult (love)

In a relationship, the adult feels secure in the love relationship. Jealousy is absent. Both individuals support each other's growth and development, but will return to the secure base of the relationship.

Insecure-avoidant in adult (love)

the adult has no close relationships or has relationships with lots of avoidance and distance. The adult may use rigid role boundaries to keep distance between self and others.

Insecure-ambivalent in adult (love)

The relationship may be marked by too much clinging- wanting to be together, but togetherness is not satisfying. Jealousy is a possibility. The anger from the unsatisfying connections becomes a barrier to further closeness.

Disorganized attachment in adult (love)

Adult relationships lack coherence. The adult may fluctuate between things being all good or all bad, having difficulty integrating fragmented states. The adult's story lacks coherence.

Cultural limitations

...

Dreikurs model

_______ and Stoltz suggest that humans have an innate desire to belong. When this desire is thwarted, individuals attempt to compensate for the strong need to belong and thus develop mistaken goals. Figure: Response of receiver and possible mistaken goal of the partner.

Attention-seeking

Mistaken goal #1: A signal to the person in a relationship with an ______ partner is a sense of irritation. If a person fails to experience a sense of belonging, the individual will pursue contact through actions that draw others' _______.

Power

Mistaken goal #2: When the attention seeking partner annoys his/her partner thus feeling pushed away, the A-S partner will escalate the relationship to a__________. "I will get my way." Both individuals will then experience a need to win in order to sustain a sense of self in the relationship.

Revenge

Mistaken goal #3: When the power goal fails, the individual will seek ______. With _____ the safety in the relationship is threatened. The need for power is replaced by the need to hurt the other with the ability to hurt someone, creating the illusion of connection.

Inadequacy

Mistaken goal #4: When all other mistaken goals fail, the individual will develop a sense of ______, give up on the relationship and possibly his/herself

Pursuer

when faced with anxiety from conflict or distance in the relationship, the ______ attempts to get closer. The ______ feels rejected when partner wants alone time.

Distancer

keeps other people from getting too close because he or she may have been hurt by someone in the past. May use an addiction to hold the relationship further away.

Underfunctioner

The _____________ relates to anxiety or conflict by becoming less competent or organized. The inadequacy of the _______ makes others concerned and become caretakers.

Overfunctioner

The ______ manages anxiety by helping or rescuing others. The others may use helpfulness to keep others needing them and hence keeping them close.

Blamers

_____ respond to anxiety by fighting. They preserve a sense of self by always seeing others at fault. They may hold others responsible for their feelings.

Cutting-off

People who use ____ to manage anxiety by ending or terminating relationships. This usually results in long grudges.

Triangler

The _____ manages anxiety and conflict in a relationship by sharing concerns with a third party. This will take energy away from the relationship and reduce the possibility of change and growth.

barriers

Environmental- family relocations, busy work schedules, competition from others. Interpersonal- trust has been broken so one individual withholds her thoughts feelings, or interactions. Within the person- the person is shy, lacks awareness or skills, has a traumatic past, or has a disability.

4 horsemen

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

When there are barriers or threats to connection, the resulting lack of connection produces anxiety. In response to the anxiety, people respond defensively, in ways that attempt to protect themselves.

criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling

criticism

When _____ enters a relationship, the complaint becomes about who the partner is rather than about a disliked behavior or attribute

contempt

_______ behaviors can include but are not limited to "name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor.

defensiveness

These attacks only serve to escalate the pattern, evoking a reciprocal ______ against the attack.

stonewalling

Finally, one or both of the partners introduces _____ or becoming non-responsive and disengaged.

solutions for 4 horsemen

1______________
Complaining without suggesting that one's partner is somehow defective.
2______________
Accepting responsibility for apart of the problem.
3_______________
Creating a culture of praise and pride.
4________________
Self-soothing, giving listener backchannels and staying emotionally connected.

repair attempts

A _______ occurs when, during a conflict, one of the partners makes an overture to the other to break the cycle.

vertical stressors

passed from previous generations, cross-generational influences

horizontal stressors

influence on the individual and relationships occurs within an individual's life span

differentiation

there is a biologically determined emotional system in human relationship that calls for a balance between togetherness and separateness
High: can regulate togetherness and separateness, constantly accommodating the shifting tensions of the relationship
Low: will manage anxiety by being overwhelmed and emotionally reactive; either very close to the family member or cut-off stressful situation

boundaries

negotiated spaces between people

clear boundaries

knowing how you want to treat people and sticking with your values

rigid boundaries

insisting on once a week sex regardless of the other person is feeling

diffuse boundaries

a parent who can't say no to a child's requests and over-indulges the child

discipline vs. punishment

often confused with ______;when the parent establishes an external structure for the child through a system of instruction and application of natural and logical consequences

accommodation of developmental challenges

The role of a parent in a child's life changes over time as the child's developmental growth occurs (Peter's bedtime)

authentic love

expansive; it allows for personal growth for both parties

inauthentic love

restricts one or both people

6 myths of love

-love is eternal
-love implies constant closeness
-love people fall in and out of love
-love is exclusive
-love is selfless
-love is anger-free

"I" message

When you..
I feel...
and I think...
and I wish...

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