1.
Affinity-Seeking Strategies: things that we do that gets people to notice us
Visibility (your appearance-how you look/clothes)
Mutual trust
Commonalities (what both of you like)
Politeness (trying to be polite, but then you guys could change)
2.
Avoiding: couples separate, different rooms
Couples could stay in this phase forever/need to get a new perspective-that's why they avoid
3.
Behavioral action symbols: kissing, pda
4.
Bonding: formalize our private commitments to each other through ceremony (engagement parties)
5.
Circumscribing: restrict communication with each other b/c of a violation of trust that will not be resolved
6.
Covenant talk: a serious pact/agreement (have practical discussions-since they are engaged)
7.
Cycle of abuse: honeymoon-tension-explosion-remorse
women are likely to be targets
8.
Differentiating: have different needs as individuals
9.
Dyadic phase: when you confront your partner about the issue
10.
Endurance Test: how much people can endure about you
Ex: ask too many favors
11.
Events/times: first times ex: first kiss, anniversary
12.
Experimenting: try different strategies to understand the person, initiate conversation
Initiating conversation
Flirting
13.
Grave-dressing: how we talk about the relationship with other people
^ the people SUGAR-COAT IT-try to make something bad into a positive
14.
Initiating: breaking the ice
15.
Integrating: coming together, inviting someone into your life
16.
Integration and conflict: they are gonna see you when you are not at your best, gonna learn things about you that are challenging
17.
Intensifying: what we engage in
18.
Intra-psychic phase: thinking to yourself about the violation of trust, doubting the person
19.
Physical objects: gifts that signify big steps in a relationship
20.
Reasons why people dont have safe sex: 1. they dont think they are at risk
2. knocked out by drugs/booze
3. find it embarrassing to talk about
21.
Relational Dialectics: autonomy/connection (you will struggle with the dialects)
22.
Relational symbols: holding hands→ standing for the "us"-ness
23.
Secret tests: you do this to protect yourself from rejection
Indirect suggestions: jokingly refer to the relationship in a more intimate way than it really is, just to see how the other responds
Ex: "our babies could look cute"
24.
Separation Test: purposely avoid contact, to see who responds first
25.
Stagnating: feeling stuck,
Social phase: accept the "empty love"
^some wont get divorced, so they are stuck with each other, and they talk very poorly about each other
26.
Symbolic cultural artifacts: our song, our movie, etc
27.
Symbolic places: that bench, etc
They are symbolic, more integration= stay w/ that person
28.
Terminating: pragmatic discussions (divorce)-assets/custody
29.
Triangular tests: when you bring another person (3rd person- jealousy)