 | Term | Definition |
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Voice over |
Hello, and welcome to The HELLenistic Underworld-With your hoooost HADES your one, only, and least favorite god of the underworld a |
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Hades (in a monotone voice) |
thankyou…thankyou…thankyou… and today we have special guests Demeter, the goddess of grain and fertility, Sisyphus, the former king of Corinth, and Orpheus, the inventor of the Lyre. ------------Now if I just knew the difference between you three. a |
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Demeter |
That’s easy. I’m the only girl and you’ll find me with almost anything made of wheat. I also sometimes have either my hand torch or my scepter with me. a |
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Hades |
I know you, but what about those other two. a |
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Demeter |
we know that Sisyphus always has a boulder with him... so that (points to jonah) must be him. He looks just like his parents, Aeolus and Enarete a |
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Hades |
Demeter, I see you have my wife with you. Would she like a bite of this pomegranate? a |
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Demeter |
You stole her… and you know that I get her during the spring and summer. In fact, I think that it was a bad idea to bring her into the underworld during my time and I’m going to send he back up. How dare you try and trick her into eating an underworld fruit again like you did when she tried to go back to me and… a |
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Hades |
Wait a minute; we need to start from the beginning for the listeners who don’t know how this began. a |
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Demeter |
One day, I was happily tending to the fields with my daughter, Persephone, who was then known as Kore. She had decided to go pick flowers and was not near me when I heard a rumbling. I asked a villager what had happened and he told me that a big hole had opened in the ground and a carriage not controlled by anybody had come out of it and taken my daughter. The farmer had heard her screams of help and did not think she was safe. a |
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Hades |
She was plenty safe! And I had a good reason to steal her. I had fallen in love with your daughter and knew that you would never let me have her. I took Persephone and gave her a throne of her own. And then you ruin everything by crying and not letting anything grow. You should never been made the goddess of grain. a |
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Demeter |
I didn’t destroy the Earth then. When the farmer saw that the carriage did not have a driver, I figured that it was you under your invisible hat. You couldn’t be blamed based on a mortal’s sighting, so I searched the earth for Kore. After not finding her, I asked Apollo who told me that it was indeed you. Only when Zeus didn’t do anything did I stop all growth. a |
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Hades |
Ok, all right, but it doesn’t really matter. Once you set famine to the Earth, Zeus’s only choice was to let Persephone go so that all mortals didn’t die. Not only did I now have to give my wife away, I also lost the steady stream of dead entering my kingdom. I knew that I couldn’t give her up forever; even she wanted to be with me. It is so unfortunate that my wife loved the outdoors so much. On the way to meet Hermes to take her back I gave her three pomegranate seeds to enjoy on her way home. It also insured that she could not stay on earth forever, for everybody knows that if you eat the food of my land, you cannot leave. Zeus struck a peace deal so that I would get her half of the year and you would get her the other half. The mortals put a name for it. Seasuns, seesons? What is it? Oh, Seasons. Mortal words can be confusing, especially when they change our names. The Romans HAD to call me Pluto and they HAD to call you Ceres. Hey, Sisyphus and Orpheus, do you have Roman names? I’ve always wondered if famous mortals and minor gods got new names. a |
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Sisyphus and Orpheus (together) |
No. a |
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Hades |
I guess you’re not good enough to be remembered, Sisyphus, even though you tricked me. a |
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Sisyphus |
I rightly did so and I AM remembered. a |
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Demeter |
What do you mean, tricked??? My brother, Hades, tricked? a |
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Sisyphus |
Correct…. Wait a second, you two are brother and sister? That would explain a lot… And your parents must be Cronus and Rhea and… a |
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Demeter |
How did you manage do trick a god??? a |
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Sisyphus |
I was the King of Corinth, and a clever king at that. a |
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Demeter |
Self-conceited at that, you mean. a |
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Sisyphus |
That too. I had a beautiful kingdom with everything I needed except for a good supply of fresh water. I was strolling along, when I came across the water god, Asopus, who was looking for her lost daughter. a |
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Demeter |
Like I did before. Did Hades abduct her, like he did mine??? (Throws scornful look at Hades). a |
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Sisyphus |
No. It was Zeus, and I told Asopus so…after she gave me a fresh supply of water. a |
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Demeter |
My blessed brother???? And I never knew of this??? a |
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Sisyphus |
Please stop asking questions. I’m telling a story. a |
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Demeter |
Sorry. a |
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Sisyphus |
Anyways, Asopus ran after Zeus, and because surprised Zeus did not have his lightning bolt at hand, he turned himself into a rock and Aegina into the island of Aegina. a |
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Hades |
My brother Zeus, was rightly angry at him. (Points finger at Sisyphus). a |
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Hades |
So Zeus asked me to take him personally into the underworld. a |
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Sisyphus |
I was shocked when I saw Hades, not Hermes and a plan came suddenly to me. I asked Hades why he had come for me personally, and why Hermes had no taken me. a |
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Hades |
(angrily) While I was thinking of this answer, he cleverly tied me up around a post. a |
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Sisyphus |
During that time nobody could die, and the Fates got the threads of life tangled. Pieces of knight chopped up in battle would come the next day for breakfast, in agonizing pain, though immortal. The whole world was in confusion and chaos. a |
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Hades |
Finally, the gods, including you Demeter, threatened to make his life so miserable that he would wish he were dead. a |
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Sisyphus |
So I finally let him go. I did not want to be miserable. a |
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Orpheus |
An interesting end to a story. a |
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Demeter |
Agreed. But I never knew the first part, just the last. a |
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Sisyphus |
That’s not the end. a |
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Orpheus and Demeter (together) |
What!? Did you trick him again??? a |
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Hades |
Yes. a |
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Sisyphus |
I knew that my soul would be the first one taken after I untied Hades, so I asked my wife not to give me a funeral, and bury me without a coin under my tongue. a |
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Demeter |
Very clever. a |
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Hades |
I knew Sisyphus would try and trick me again if I went after him myself, so I sent Hermes, like I should have in the first place. a |
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Sisyphus |
Hades was shocked that a king like me hadn’t had a proper burial. He sent me back up so I could teach my wife some respect a |
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Demeter |
How daft can you be, Hades!!!??? a |
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Sisyphus |
Of course the inevitable could not be prevented. I died of old age. a |
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Hades |
HA HA HA HA HA! I finally had you. a |
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Sisyphus |
I was sentenced to an eternity of pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it fall again from its weight. That’s why I have the boulder with me, today. a |
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Orpheus |
Hey, who wants to hear my story??? a |
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Demeter |
Gods before mortals. And remember, we aren’t just sitting around the fire telling stories about our life. This IS a talk show and Hades IS the host. a |
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Orpheus |
Well, Sisyphus was a full mortal. He just tricked Hades. I’m the son of Apollo. a |
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Hades |
I’m almost sure that you father was Oeagrus, a mighty king, but not a god. a |
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Orpheus |
My birth certificate says Oeagrus, but my mother told me that my father was really Apollo. a |
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Hades |
Whatever. Why don’t you tell the audience how you almost got your dead wife back from my land. a |
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Demeter |
Did Hades trick or deceive you, or was it the other way around?? a |
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Orpheus |
Actually, it was neither. I just didn’t believe him. a |
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Demeter |
In what??? a |
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Orpheus |
Well, I loved this girl named Eurydice and she loved me back. So we decided to get married. At our marriage, though, a snake appeared and she was bitten by it and killed. a |
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Demeter |
How sad. a |
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Orpheus |
I loved her so much, and since I was a master at music, you could say I “tricked” the gods with my music. a |
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Demeter |
I remember Persephone talking about that. She was so touched by your music, that she begged Hades to let your wife-to-be go. a |
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Hades |
And I did, but with one exception. a |
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Sisyphus |
And what was that?? a |
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Hades |
He couldn’t look back until he safely exited the underworld. a |
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Orpheus |
I didn’t know whether Hades was telling the truth and leting her go, so when I was close to the exit, I turned my head back, and saw Eurydice. a |
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Hades |
Only for a split second, though. I kept my promise, and Hermes delivered Eurydice back to me. a |
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Orpheus |
Heartbroken, I made my way into the forest. I played sad music and all the animals lamented with me. a |
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Demeter |
I feel so sorry for you. (Sneaks dirty look at Hades). a |
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Hades |
Hey, I’m not the one who ruins his life, though! One day, a few nymphs wanted to play. Since he was so sad, he refused. Angry, they tore him up and tossed him into the sea. Finally, he stopped grieving and was re-united with his wife in the underworld. a |
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Orpheus |
Yes. Now I’m happy. a |
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Demeter |
Hades was being really nice to you then! Just like that queen I met when searching for my daughter. It’s rare that you find such niceness. a |
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Hades |
Who was that queen? a |
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Demeter |
Her name was Metanira and her husband, Celeus (the King of Eleusis) was also really nice. I was disguised as a beggar and they took me in if I would nurse their children. I agreed, and because of their great hospitality, I decided to make their eldest child immortal. Unfortunately, that process requires that the child to be put in fire. When Metenira saw me do that, she got scared and pulled him out of the fire because she did not know what I was doing. The Kid was stuck in between immortal and mortal. As a new gift, I taught them how to farm. a |
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Sisyphus |
She gave them a second chance, unlike you, Hades. a |
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Hades |
Do you want me to kick you off my show..???? a |
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Sisyphus |
No, sir. Not really. a |
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Hades |
Then be quiet. a |
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Sisyphus |
Yes, sir! a |
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Hades (in monotone voice) |
Well, I guess that this is the end of our show and we would like to thank our special guests… a |
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Sisyphus |
Sisyphus, former king of Corinth… a |
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Orpheus |
Orpheus, the inventor of Lyre… a |
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Demeter |
And Demeter, the goddess of grain and fertility! a |
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Hades |
And I’m Hades, your host with my three headed dog Cerberus who just bought a major car company. As an end note, I found it interesting that all of you called me by my real name. Most people call me the unseen one or the rich one because of my invisibility hat and my plethora of precious metals. Hope you had a great time and make sure to tune in next time to the… a |
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ALL |
HELLenistic Underworld! a |
