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5 Love Languages Practical Summary

Terms in this set (11)

What are "Love Languages" and why are they important?
•Love Languages are ways we communicate our affections to our lovers.
•It allows us to identify what we need and understand what our lover really wants from us.
Love languages Gary Chapmen. Why do most marriages fail? What can we do?
•Average in love phase lasts for two years. If a marriage fails the second will be 75% more likely to be a divorce.

•Ask three things.
1. What can I do to help?
2. How can I make your life better?
3. How can I be better husband or wife?
Five Love Languages (Grace's/ChapmanOrder)
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Intentional Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch /
Characteristics of intimacy
-Openness
-Honesty
-Self-disclosure
-Trust
-Understanding
-Communication
-Mutual desire to know
-Suppport
Ingredients of love
1.Intimacy,
2. passion
3. commitment
5 Apology Languages
1. Expressing Regret
2. Taking responsibility
3. Making restitution
4. Genuinely repenting
5. Requesting forgiveness
Words of Affirmation
•Saying unsolicited compliments means the world to you,: hearing the words "I love you"
•insults leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
•Compliments, appreciation, and verbal support
•Leave "I love you notes" around the home
•Write your spouse a love letter
•Make a list of 10 things you appreciate about your spouse. Write each one on a separate post-it note and hide them around the house so they'll find them over time. Hiding place ideas: underwear drawer, inside the coffee filters, around their toothbrush, on the shower wall, on their car dash, inside their briefcase, in-between slices of bread in the wrapper, on the washing machine control panel, in the mailbox.
•Commend something your spouse has done recently on your Facebook page. Be sure to tag them in the post.
•Search You Tube and find a song that says what you want to say to encourage your spouse. E-mail them the link telling them, "This song says it all - I love you!"
•Talk to them softly while making love, communicating what you love most about how they love you.
Quality Time
•d/ Attentiveness and focus of attention; shared activities
•Plan some daily quality time. 3 Things. Eye contact, don't interrupt. There are two types of conversational styles. The babbling brook and the Dead Sea.Spending quality time to show your love and giving them your full undivided attention.
•Distractions, postponed dates, being or the failure to listen can be hurtful
• Make Date Nights a weekly event. Even if you can't afford a babysitter, plan a night at home that is yours alone
•When your spouse asks to talk to you about something, put your smart phone or iPad down and make eye-contact with them while they speak.
•Use the questions from Connect Like You Did When Your First Met on a regular basis to enrich your conversation about things you might not think to discuss.
•Go to bed at the same time, even if at times you have to get up after they've fallen asleep. It's meaningful for them to know that you've purposed to spend that time right before sleep together.
•Go for walks together after dinner. Even if the kids join you, the time spent will mean a lot.
Receiving Gifts
•d/Visual symbol that someone loves you, getting the perfect shows you know them in the most intimate ways.
•d/Meaningful gifts that show partner was thinking about you when apart or show appreciation
•Missing important dates like birthday or anniversary are dangerous.
•Make a list of ten things you can give a person and do it.
•Make the most of unusual holidays and buy a small gift for your spouse. Have it wrapped and placed where they'll find it on their own. Here is a list of such holidays according to the months of the year. You may be surprised to see how many there are.
•Make a mental note of little things your spouse mentions that they like. It might be daisies are their favorite flower, or they love a certain perfume or scarf. It could be a favorite candy bar, to a movie they want to see. Whatever it is, if it's within your budget, surprise them by getting it for them. They will be blessed not only that you bought them the gift, but that you paid attention to what they said.
•Make a certain day of the week their special day. It could be that every Monday you give them a small token of your love. The anticipation of the gift will be as special as actually getting it. They don't have to be expensive things either, just thoughtful. This is usually what those with the "receiving gifts" love language actually want...is to know that you thought enough of them to pick something out just for them, just because.
•Whenever you give a small gift, take the time to wrap it nicely. Often times the presentation is as important as the gift itself. And remember, just because this doesn't mean much to you (it receiving gifts isn't your love language), it is probably very important to your spouse.
Acts of Service
•d/Helpful actions without being requested or quid pro quo score-keeping
•Ex: Make a list of ten things we do of other service to other. When you have the opportunity, go ahead and do it WITHOUT Asking.
•"Actions truly speak louder than words"
•Tell your spouse you're going to take over one of their dreaded chores because you love them. You can do this for a certain period of time, or forever. Either way is sure to speak volumes to your spouse.
•Be quick to do whatever your spouse asks you to do for them. If it's take a package to the post office for them, put that task at the top of your to-do list for the day.
•Ask your spouse, "What is the most meaningful thing I do for you?", and then be faithful to always do it, as much as it's in your ability to do so. If it's being punctual to appointments, work on being on time. If it's having the car cleaned inside and out, do all you can to keep it clean and shiny. If it's having the laundry done on a certain day, work hard to stay on top of it. You may be surprised at what it is, or you may already know without asking.
•Keep a short list of repairs needed around the house. If you don't know how to do something, ask someone who does to teach you how.
•If your spouse normally makes the bed, make it for them. Or cook them their favorite meal. Find something unexpected you can do that will make them smile. :-)
Physical Touch
•d/Touch and proximity; sexual intimacy
•Hugs,
•Hold your spouse's hand whenever you're out together walking, whether in the mall, at the beach, or around the block.
•Kiss your spouse often. Make it a point to greet them at the door with a hug and a kiss. Do the same when they're leaving for the day.
•Sometimes holding your spouse without saying a word means the most to those with this love language.
•Cuddle together in bed.
•Give them regular neck, back, foot or full body massages. Buy various lotions and oils to make this even more of a treat.
•sitting close and touches on arm or face mean a lot.
•sex.
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