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Why did you leave me out there so f*cking long?

What are you talking about? You have keys.

I forgot them, and I was buzzing and buzzing and you never answered, and because of you, me and one of the freak's "dates" got drenched by a f*cking plow.

I didn't hear any buzzing. That thing is wonky. It works when it wants to, like a welfare mother.

You're not funny.

Yes I am. And you can cool off the attitude. You do have a cell phone. You could've called me.

I did and you had your phone off.

Oh no! You see, I was trying to call you and it must have been one of those things where we called each other at the same time and --

Why did you call?

I just wanted to hear your voice.


Okay. Okay. Hey, I was just about to heat up a vegan burrito and I wanted to know if you wanted one.

You called to ask me if I wanted a vegan burrito?

That's right. I called you to see if you wanted a vegan burrito. How funny.

Hilarious. Let me guess, you were going to cancel on me, weren't you?

No. I wasn't sure if you left yet and if you hadn't, I was going to tell you that we can do this another night. Listen to your voicemail if you don't believe me.

I will later. Was that all?

Yes. That's all. I just didn't want you leaving if you hadn't yet. It's crazy out there. They say it might be the worst blizzard in New York City history.

I appreciate the concern, but I think both you and I know that it's better to get this over with. Of course, that is if it's over. Is it?

Done. Kaput. Finito. Muerte. And so on and so forth.

So you got it out of your system? We can start moving forward now?

Definitely. In fact, I think this will only make us stronger.

I have some questions first.

Of course. Shoot.

Let's sit down.

Great. Why don't I get us some wine and... oh no... I'll make some coffee and we can make the Irish coffees and we'll talk and cuddle out the snowstorm?

John, this isn't a party. This isn't a sleepover. Take this seriously or I'm gone and I don't care if I have to walk from here to Brooklyn in the worst snowstorm in history. Got it?

Okay. Are you going to take off your coat?

Don't you worry about my coat.

Is there a reason you're keeping it on?

Maybe because I'm not sure I'm staying. How about that?

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