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Psych 175 (Love Material)
Terms in this set (14)
How are friendships and romantic relationships are similar with intimacy?
1) Both lovers and friends initially seek out romantic partners who we think are similar to us (Lucas et al, 2004)
-has to do with proximity, we are all ucsc students, share that similarity
2) We like to have friends and lovers who validate our self -concept (Murray, 2000)
-when someone like things about you, like things you like, makes you feel good about yourself
-knowing you can count on each other in times of need (attachment plays a role)
-knowing that you can confide in each other without betrayal
-loyalty, likes same shows on Netflix (activity 3)
-feeling understood and knowing each other will make allowances when the other person occasionally acts in an unexpected or annoying manner
3) We want the same personal characteristics in friends and lovers
-warmth, kindness, openness, acceptance, respect, trust and understanding
How are friendships and romantic relationships are different with intimacy?
1) BUT....we prefer higher levels of these attributes in our lovers than in our friends
-love relationships are distinct different from friendships
2) love heightens the potential for both positive and negative aspects of close relationships, making love relationships not only more rewarding but more frustrating
-jealousy, being judgmental of ones actions and how they may affect you
3) love relationships, but not friendships, are characterized by a fascination and preoccupation with their partners
-platonic love doesn't fit in this description
-may not always last forever, honeymoon phase...usually lasts one year (always chewing your phone for their texts, rereading texts that make you feel good, trolling their Facebook)
-probably preoccupied because you don't now that person very well, new and shiny
4) there is an intense caring for each other in love relationships, even more so than in friendships
-being an advocate for a lover (we stand up for them even though they might have done something inappropriate)
-giving more of oneself
-although there are some friendships you care about just as much as a lover
-ex: husband gets fired form gov job because he was watching lorn at work. Wife was furious because he was watching so much it was interfering with their relationship. But as mad, humiliated that this was continuing to be a problem, she still got him an attorney to get it off his record. Despite her dislike, she still advocated for him (intrinsic motivation, self-inclusions...him loosing his job is affecting her perspective, and resources...so that is hey we would be an advocate, so take them on as sort of ourselves)
5) because the greater exclusiveness and emotional involvement between lovers , they experience greater conflict, distress, and mutual criticism in their relationship than do friends
-Monogamous lover, multiple friends
-Social ecology, if you have lots of friends and one is really annoying, we can just hang out with different friends. But with lover, we ar eon love with t hem and not going to find another lover so we try to change them and be more critical
In other words, how do people who are classified as secure tend to function within their romantic relationships?
-believe it is easy to get close to others
-we might be very secure but don't feel it easy to get close to others
-they generally report happy and trusting love relationships
-demonstrate relativity positive images of romantic love (have more adaptive love metaphors)
-they value the importance of relationships (dismissive People tend to devalue..we came into this world, we end it alone)
-romances tend to last longer
-marriages end in divorce least often
-tend to hold beliefs that romantic love never fades
-tend to rate their parents as loving, responsive and warm
In other words, how do people who are classified as avoidant/dismissive tend to function within their romantic relationships?
-feel uneasy when people get too close to them (fear intimacy)
-have trouble trusting and depending on others and are prone to jealousy
-hold a cynical picture of love (believe depictions of head-over-heels love)
-tend to believe that romantic love is rare and if it does happen, it is an exception not the rule. It seldom lasts
- regard romantic relationships as relatively unimportant
-rate their parents harshly (mothers=not like able and/or harsh, not warm or loving; fathers =uncaring, maybe weren't around, uninvested, uninvolved)
In other words, how do people who are classified as ambivalent/preoccupied tend to function within their romantic relationships?
-desire a high level of closeness that many partners don't seem willing to give (paradoxical..seek so much intimacy that it pushed people away, and dint chalk it up to their behavior..just think people don't want to get close to others)
-have extreme preoccupation/worry about loved ones leaving them (both insecure groups fear rejection, but ambivalent preoccupied with rejection)
-tend to experience emotional extremes and jealousy in their relationship (might lash out and very sad if they think someone is not caring about them as much or might leave them)
-find it easy to "fall in love" but difficult to find "true love"...may fall in love with every person they ever dated
-tend to give mixed reports about parents, relaying both extremely positive and extremely negative characteristics
-Some research says Sometimes will only give positive reports about their parents. But when asked to give examples of how wonderful their parents are they'd ace difficulty of thinking of any good things
What are the two stages of romantic love and the feelings/behaviors characteristic of individuals in each of these stages?
1) passionate stage, sometimes called "limerence"
Easily distracted in daily routine thinking of person, busy texting that person or calling them, spending time with them...obsessed in a way.
- temperary state of heightened interest and preoccupation with a specific individuals
-honeymoon period only lasts a year
-intense desires for proximity and physical contact and resistance to separation. Can't keep your hands off each other
-feelings of excitement and euphoria when receiving the partner's attention
Blindness to even other's faults (for better or worse) ...can keep passion alive or be with a jerk or someone who doesn't care about ur feelings..but ur too blind to notice
2) "Companionship" stage of love, called pair binding or attachment
-deeply enduring emotional bond
-desire for proximity and resistance to separation become less urgent
-feelings of security, care, and comfort predominate
-involves toleration of partner's flaw. Blindness is gone. How do they treat others, how do they treat you when things aren't so good. If-then contingencies. Also means that you've seen the good, the bad, and the unhip by now and still. Have decided to stay. So you decided you can tolerate your partner's flaws
-tends to be more characteristic of long term relationships
• According to Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love, what are the three components of love and how are they combined to describe seven different types of relationships?
passion=the motivational aspect of love
-involves physiological arousal and an intense desire to be united w/ loved one
Intimacy= the emotional aspect of love
-involves closeness, sharing, communication, and support
-for most people gradually increases over time, the more we are with someone
the more it increases. But some research says this platoes over time. Or it can
Decrease over time. But other research says it can be re-ignited
Commitment=the cognitive aspect of love
-what you think of your relationship
-involves both the short-term affirmation of your love and the long-term commitment to
maintain that love
-saying I love you, willing acknowledge their commitment to you as a love object
-something that generally increases and levels out over time. Although some
people abandon their commitment
-but in commitment with parent, undying
• According to Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love, what are the seven different types of relationships?
1) Infatuation=passion component alone
-(passionate, obsession love at first sight without intimacy or commitment)
2) Liking= intimacy only
A(love that stems form looking, true friendship without passion or commitment, platonic love)
3) Empty love=decision/commitment alone
-decision to love another without intimacy. And passion) stay together for long term but may not love each other anymore. In it to win it, for the kids, family
4) Fatuous love=passion + intimacy (commitment based in passion but without time for intimacy to develop-- shallow relationship such as whirlwind courtship)
5) Romantic love=intimacy +passion
-(lovers physically and emotionally attracted to each other but with out commitment, as in a summer/spring fling)
6) Companionship love =intimacy +commitment
- (long term commitment and friendship such as marriage in which the passion has faded...maybe sleep in so erects beds, one snores, not much passion in the
7) Consummate love=intimacy +passion+commitment
-(a complete love with all three components, an ideal but difficulty to attain)
In Barelds & Barelds-Dijkstra (2007), how do individuals develop their love stories?
How they develop:
-they develop from our interactions with our environment, they draw on experience of living in the world, on fairy stores we heard when we were younger, from the models of love relationships we observe us in parents and relatives, from television and movies, from conversations with other people about their relationships. Literature, film, and people's oral descriptions of relationships
In Barelds & Barelds-Dijkstra (2007), how do love stories relate to relationship satisfaction?
-satisfaction and success in close relationships depends on how well a partner fits our love story, how well they match/are similar to our own
-maladaptive stories such as porn, horror, business, collectibles, game, autocratic government, humor, mystery, police officer, science fiction, theatre can lead to dissatisfaction but adaptive stories do not necessarily lead to satisfaction
-all three components of the triangular theory of love (intimacy, passion, commitment, positively predicted satisfaction
-similarity theory predicts that couples who are more similar will be more likely to be attracted to each other and will have a better basis for being satisfied in their close relationships
-also, having more similar love stories is related to greater satisfaction in close relationships
-the degree of discrepancy in couples' profiles of stories was also negatively correlated with ratings of satisfaction
In Barelds & Barelds-Dijkstra (2007), what is a key limitation of the method the authors employed to people's study love stories?
1) limited sample size
2) sample was limited to yale students
3) there was only one kind of measurement for the stories, a likert scale, and there is no guarantee that paper-and-pencil questionnaires will generalize to behavior
4) the MOST IMPORTANT is that the researchers did not study full stories rather schemas (e.g, business, addiction) that could be developed into full stories but were not so developed in the questionnaire
• In 'friends first' relationships, partner similarity on which trait predicts higher relationship quality?
-similarity in EXTRAVERSION related to relationship quality and love
-because conversational skills, pro-social behavior, and level of disclosure are key for frienship
-high levels of intimacy and commitment: "compassionate love"
-high levels of storge (compassionate love)
In 'love at first sight' relationships, partner similarity on which trait predicts higher relationship quality.
Lovers at first sight:
-similarity in CONSCIENTIOUSNESS
-because high levels of passion buffer negative effect of dissimilar characteristics, but if too big a difference with conscientiousness, high levels of passion may not be enough
-high levels of passion, commitment, and intimacy: "complete love"
-high levels of eros (passionate love)
Describe the authors' main findings regarding relationships onset and love. Compare and contrast how the three different types of relationship onset were related to the three components of love (passion, intimacy, and commitment). **
Relationship Onset and Love
-partners who reported love at first sight experienced more passion than partners in 'friends first relationships' but not much more than people in 'in-between relationships'
- (passion= love at first sight>/~ in between> friends first)
-intimacy= lovers at first sight=friends first<in between
-commitment =lovers at first sight =friends first < in between
Passion: love at first sight and in between group both had more passion relative to the friends first. Significantly imperial to friends first
-intimacy: friends first and love at first sight experience same intimacy. In between group experienced less
Commitment: the people who were friends first and love at first sight were just as committed to each other. Shared same level of commitment
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