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Terms in this set (155)
Why did the student eat his Homework?
Because the Teacher said it was a piece of cake.
What happens if you feed gun powder to a chicken?
What is a Bunny's favorite Music?
What happened when the Shark became Famous?
He turned into a Starfish.
Why was the nose so tired?
Because it had been running all day!
What room do ghosts avoid?
The living room.
What did the hamburger give to his sweetheart?
An onion ring!
What fruit always travels in groups of two?
What kind of music do aliens like?
What do elves make sandwiches with?
What kind of garden does a baker have?
A flour garden.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
What is a Banana's favorite Gymnastic move?
Teacher: What makes you see?
Boby Jack: My eyes, nose, and ears
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for the ears and nose?
Boby Jack: It's to hold my Glasses!
What do you call a 100-year-old ant?
Why did the pony cough?
He was a little horse.
Teacher: Whoever answers my question can go home.
[A boy throws his bag out the window.]
Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I'm going home now.
Waiter, will my pizza be long?
No sir, it will be round!
How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
What did one shooting star say to another?
Glad to meteor!
Why is Russia such a fast country?
Because the people are always Russian.
What game makes the most noise?
Tennis-you can't play it without raising a racket!
Why did King Arthur have a round table?
So no one could corner him.
What did the Hot Dog say when he won the contest?
I'm the Wiener!
If we breathe oxygen all day, what do we breathe all night?
Why does a firefly glow?
It eats light meals.
When is a piece of wood like a king?
When it's a ruler!
What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It felt crummy.
What do you give a sick lemon?
How does Yoda shave?
With a light razer.
What do you call a man whose father was a cannon?
A son of a gun!
How did the beaver get online?
He logged on.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck.
What lets you walk through walls?
What does a frog do when its car breaks down?
It gets toad!
Where do you take a sick boat?
To the dock!
What do snakes do after a fight?
They hiss and make up.
What do you call an Alligator in a vest?
What is the most slippery country in the world?
Customer: Waiter, this food tastes funny.
Waiter: Then why aren't you laughing?
What did the bee say to the flower?
Where does smart butter go?
On the honor roll.
What language does a billboard speak?
What is a cheerleader's favorite cereal?
Why don't dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Where can you learn to make ice cream?
In sundae school.
Why don't chickens play baseball?
Because they hit fowl balls.
Why did the vampire take art class?
He wanted to learn how to draw blood.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch you later.
What is full of holes but can still hold water?
Why did the baseball coach hire a singer?
Because he had perfect pitch!
What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
I'm not shore.
What kinds of streets do zombies like?
What kind of shoes do spies wear?
What does a shark eat with peanut butter?
Why can't a leopard hide?
Because he's always spotted!
What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard?
Sorry, you're not my type.
How do you fix a broken tomato?
Why did the baby strawberry cry?
His parents were in a jam.
What did one math book say to the other math book?
Do you want to hear my problems?
What tools do you need in math class?
What did the dollar say to the four quarters?
How does the moon cut his hair?
How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
Why didn't the car feel well?
It had gas.
What did the pen say to the pencil?
So, what's your point?
How do you spot a modern spider?
She has a Web site.
How did the barber win the race?
He had a shortcut!
What did the mountain climber name his son?
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
what do u call a dog in the sun?
a hot dog
why don't cats complain to other cats when they sing?
it's meow-sic to their ears
how does a Kentucky horse greet another horse?
with southern horsepitality
Teacher: Be sure that you don't go straight home.
Student: I can't, I live just around the Corner.
what is another name for a cats home?
a scratch pad
what is an important aid in good grooming for a pet mice?
what dog loves bubble baths?
what dog stands the best chance of winning the heavyweight title?
a boxer, of course
what kind of dog does count Dracula prefer?
what kind of cat likes to eat lemons?
what do u get when u cross a cat with a hyena?
what do u call a cat who's joined the red cross?
what do dogs like for breakfast?
pooched eggs and barcon
what do u feed frogs?
croakers and milk
what vegetable is best for ur favorite animal?
what pet is all ways lying around the house?
who is a famous cat at christmas?
what is the holiday birds observe the most?
what kind of fish can u find in a birdcage?
what kind of dogs are full of ticks?
a watch dog
what is a felines best position?
what do angry cats say?
who is the superhero of the jungle?
which heavenly body did the space cat seriously try to avoid?
sirius, the dog star
what dogs have in common with trees?
when is a dogs tail not a dogs tail?
when it's a waggin'
how can u tell if a cat can count?
ask it what 1-1 is and see if it says nothing
what are cats favorite cars?
where do dogs like to keep their cars?
in a barking lot
What does December have that the other months don't have?
A) The letter D
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office!
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A: One! After that its not empty!
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing!
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: What do you call the new girl at the bank?
A: The Nutella!
Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.
Q: What did the penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.
Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It's sweeping the nation!
Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An umbrella.
Q: Why did the belt get locked up?
A: He held up a pair of pants.
Q: Did you hear about the calendar thief?
A: He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
Q: What do you call a computer that sings? A: A-Dell
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: Stick with me and we will go places!
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!
Q: What do you call a horse that can't lose a race?
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? A: Because they're all in High School!
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A: At the BP station!
Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: "Where's Popcorn?"
Q: Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case they get a hole in one!
Q: What do you call sad coffee?"
Q: Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store?
A: It was quite an oar deal.
Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp.
Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!
Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?
A: Nobody nose.
Q: Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory?
A: He couldn't concentrate!
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them
Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!
Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: Because it had a virus!
Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A: Because his parents were in a jam!
Q: What's the first bet that most people make in their lives?
A: the alpha bet
Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter?
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!
Q: What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
A: A turkey!
Q: What belongs to you but others use more?
A: Your name
Q: Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A: She couldn't control her pupils!
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: What do you call a bear with no socks on?
Q: What is the best day to go to the beach? A: Sunday, of course!
Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
Q: Which building is the largest?
A: The library because it has the most stories.
Q: Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
A: They both depend on the batter.
Q: What bow can't be tied?
A: A rainbow!
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
Is that you mommy?
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: How do baseball players stay cool?
A: They sit next to their fans.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
What do you get from a pampered cow?
You get spoiled milk.
Where do polar bears vote?
At the North Pole.
What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
Where do snowmen keep their money?
In the snow bank.
What dog keeps the best time?
A watch dog.
Why did the tomato turn red?
It saw salad dressing.
What did the grape do when it was stepped on?
It let out a little wine.
What did the water say to the boat?
Nothing, it just waved.
What does a cat have that no other animal has?
What has two heads, four eyes, six legs, and a tail?
A cowboy riding his horse.
What always sleeps with shoes on?
What is as big as an elephant, but weighs nothing at all?
The shadow of an elephant.
What can honk without a horn?
What has a ring, but no finger?
What has a horn, but cannot honk?
What two keys cannot open any doors?
A donkey and a monkey.
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
A bath towel
Where does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
If you threw a white stone into the Red Sea, what would it become?
It would become wet.
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