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Corny Bible Jokes

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He just wasn't Abel.
Why couldn't Cain please his parents?
He wasn't Abel.
Why couldn't Cain bring God a sacrifice from his flocks?
New Eve's Year
What did Adam call the 365 days after his wife was created?
God told them to be fruitful and multiply.
Why did Adam and Eve become mathematicians?
Adam had' em
Why couldn't Eve find her pet butterflies?
Weedin' Eden
What was Adam doing to keep the Garden lookin good?
Genesis Ch. 1 "In the big-inning. God created...."
Where is baseball mentioned in the Bible?
Birds of prey.
What are God's favorite creatures of the air?
He took two tablets.
What did Moses do for the headache he got on Mount Sinai?
You're all wet!
What did Noah say to the people who mocked him?
Ark-itecture
What did Noah have to learn before he began building?
With rains
How did Noah get the horse to gallop toward the ark?
He had a cow.
How did Moses react when he saw the golden calf Aaron had made?
Scarin' Aaron
What did Moses enjoy doing to his brother?
At the calf-eteria
While Aaron was making the golden idol at the base of Mount Sinai, where did he eat?
Cliff Notes
What was the shortened version of the law Moses received on Mount Sinai?
Parked the ark
What did Noah do on Mount Ararat?
Eight ate
What happened when all the people on the ark had lunch?
Flood mud
What got Noah's sandals dirty after forty days of rain?
Noah count.
What did Noah do as the animals entered the ark?
coverage
Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible? When Adam and Eve needed more ______.
Ancestors
What do we have that Adam never had?
Numbers
Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible? Moses, he wrote the book of _____.
Quackers
On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
Ham
When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible? When Noah took ___ into the ark.
floodlights
What kind of lights were on the ark?
worms
Did all the animals on the ark come in pairs? No, the ____ came in apples.
Cheetah
What animal could Noah not trust?
Hebrews
How do we know that Jesus made coffee? It says so in the book of ____
"Axe"
Where did the murderer hide his weapon in the Bible? In the Book of ___.
Luke
How do you study the Bible? You ____ into it.
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam
Eve had no fear of the measles because she'd ___.
EVE
The time of day that Adam was born was a little before ___.
plants
Adam said to Eve during one of their arguments tht she shouldn't forget who wears the ____ in the family.
tablets
Where is medicine first mentioned in the Bible? When God gave Moses two ____.
deck
Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? Because Noah was standing on the ____
Nehimiah
Who is the shortest person in the bible?
fowl
Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark? Because they were using ------ language.
Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
It's Christmas, Eve!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Turn right and go straight.
What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.
Who was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.
Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?
The area around the Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.
Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?