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Terms in this set (91)

1. Separation: sudden withdraw of one person from the encounter
- Similar to avoidance approach
- Conflict will mingle but short-term separation may be helpful in that it could bring about a long-term solution

2. Domination: when one person gets their way by influencing the other to engage in accommodation
- Leads to win-lose situations
- Similar to competition approach desire to have control over another person
- Strongest predictor of domination is the power balance of those involved
- EX: Devil Wears Prada

3. Compromise: both parties change their goals to make them compatible
- Both parties abandon original desires, and neither feels completely happy about it
- Typically results from people using a collaborative approach & is most effective when people are respectful, have equal power, & don't consider their clashing goals b/c this can foster mutual resentment & regret
- Different from collaboration approach b/c this isn't exactly "win-win"
- EX: couple- 1 wants to go on vacation but other has an obligation, cut vacation short (1 loses conference time; 1 loses vacation time)

4. Integrative agreements: both sides preserve and attain their goals by developing creative solutions to the problem
- Similar to collaboration approach
- Will likely lead to more long-term resolution b/c you are lead to a win-win resolution and both gain what you want

5. Structural agreements: developing a better understanding of your relationship
Talk about change; make rules; think about the relationship and how it's playing out in order to avoid future conflict
Only likely to occur when those involved control their negative emotions and handle the conflict collaboratively
1. Power is always present
- Power is present in all IP encounters
- Power may be balanced or imbalanced
--> Balanced symmetrical relationships result
--> Imbalanced complementary relationships result
* Dyadic Power Theory: people with only moderate power are most likely to use controlling communication
--> B/c their power is limited, they can't always be sure they're going to get their way so they feel more of a need to exercise power in noticeable ways

2. Power can be used ethically or unethically
- Power itself isn't good or bad- it's the way people use it that matters
- Many marriages, family relationships & long-term friendships are complementary (imbalance of power) one person controls more resources and has more decision-making influence that the other
--> But the person in charge uses his power only to benefit other person in the relationship
- In other relationships, the powerful partner wields his power unethically or recklessly
--> EX: boss threatens to fire her employee unless he sleeps with her

3. Power is granted
- Power doesn't reside within people it is granted by individuals or groups who allow another person or group to exert influence over them
--> EX: invite parents to stay with you for weekend they say we are staying longer & you accept you are granting them power to decide their departure date without your input

4. Power influences conflict
- If you strip away the particulars of what's said and done during most conflicts, you'll find power struggles underneath
- People struggle to see whose goals will prevail, and they wield whatever power they have to pursue their own goals
- Power struggles rarely lead to mutually beneficial solutions
- A romantic relationship exists whenever the 2 partners perceive that it does
- As perceptions change, so does the relationship
- If partners' perceptions differ (one feels romantic and other does not) they do not have a romantic relationship

2. Diversity
- Romantic relationships exhibit remarkable diversity in the ages and genders of the partners, as well as in their ethnic and religious backgrounds and sexual orientations
--> EX: partner might be more of a game-player & you're more of the Eros
--> EX: sex make up [male/male; male/female; trans]
- Despite this diversity, most relationships function in a similar manner

3. Choice
- We enter into romantic relationships through choice, selecting not only with whom we initiate involvements, but also whether and how we maintain these bonds
- Thus, contrary to widespread belief, love doesn't "strike us out of the blue" or "sweep us away"

4. Commitment
- Romantic relationships often involved commitment: a strong physiological attachment to a partner and an intention to continue the relationship long into the future
- Positive outcomes come from commitment to a partner leads couples to work harder on maintaining their relationships, resulting in greater satisfaction & reduces likelihood to sexually cheat when separated by geographic distance
- Stereotype that men are "commitment-phobic" is false both men & women view commitment as an important part of romantic relationships

5. Tensions
- When we're involved in intimate relationships, we often experience competing impulses (tensions) between our selves and our feelings toward others, known as relational dialectics
- 3 forms of relational dialectics:
1. Openness v. protection as relationships become more intimate, we naturally exchange more personal information with partners, but while we want to be open, we want to keep certain aspects of our selves (our most private thoughts and feelings) protected
2. Autonomy v. connection we choose to form romantic relationships mostly out of a desire to bond with another, yet, if we feel so connected that our individual identity seems to dissolve, we may choose t pull back and reclaim some autonomy
3. Novelty v. predictability clash between our need for stability and our need for excitement and change

6. Communication
- Romantic involvements are forged through IP communication
- By interacting with others online, over phone, face-to-face, we build a variety of relationships- some of which blossom into romantic love
- And once love is born, we us IPC to foster and maintain it
1. Eros- beauty & sexuality
- Description: Romantic lovers
- Attributes of love: Sentimental, romantic, idealistic, committed
- Erotic lover focuses on beauty and physical attractiveness
- Particularly sensitive to physical imperfections in the ones they love

2. Ludus- entertainment & excitement
- Description: Game-playing lovers
- Attributes of love: Uncommitted, fun, played like a game
- Love is not to be taken too seriously
- Ludic lover retains a partner only as long as the partner is interesting and amusing
- EX: John Tucker Must Die

3. Storge- peaceful & slow
- Description: Friendly lovers
- Attributes of love: Stable, predictable, rooted in friendship
- Lacks passion & intensity
- They are set out to establish a companionable relationship with someone they know and share interests with

4. Pragma- practical & traditional
- Description: Practical lovers
- Attributes of love: logical, rational, and founded in common sense
- Pragma lovers want compatibility and a relationship in which their important needs and desires will be satisfied

5. Mania- elation & depression
- Description: Obsessive lovers
- Attributes of love: intense, tumultuous, extreme, and all consuming
- Characterized with extreme highs and lows
- They love intensely, but become extremely jealous and obsessive

6. Agape- compassionate & selfless
- Description: Forgiving lovers
- Attributes of love: patient, selfless, giving, and unconditional
- Unconditional love for people, even if there is no close ties
- It is a spiritual love with no concern for personal gain
1. Proximity
- Being in one another's presence frequently
- Mere exposure effect: we are attracted to people who are exposed to us; people we see frequently & have a lot of contact with

2. Physical Attractiveness
- We feel drawn to those who are physically attractive
- Beautiful-is-good effect: we tend to think attractive people are competent communicators, intelligent, well-adjusted, responsible
- Matching: we tend toward matching less likely to form relationships with those we judged as substantially different from ourselves in terms of physical attractiveness
--> EX: Heffner & 24 y/o supermodel we attribute it to external factors b/c the relationship does not make sense in our mind

3. Similarity
- Birds-of-a-feather: scientific evidence that we are attracted to those we perceive as similar to ourselves in terms of personalities, values, interests, likes, dislikes, etc.
--> People we view as similar to us are less likely to provoke uncertainty
- Opposites attract cliché is not exactly correct, unless you share similarities in personality and values and don't share minor things like likes/dislikes of less important things like music tastes

4. Reciprocal Liking
- Whether the person we're attracted to makes it clear, through communication and other actions, that the attraction is mutual
- Potent predictor of attraction to others b/c we are attracted to people who are attracted to us

5. Resources
- Unique resources that another person offers, including sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, supportiveness, and whether the person seems fun
--> These attributes are viewed as valuable both by straight & gays
Power plays a role
* Social Exchange Theory: proposes that you'll feel drawn to those you see as offering substantial benefits (things you like & want) with few associated costs (things demanded of you in return)
1. Initiating
- Sizing up a person you just met or noticed
- Assess visual information (physical attractiveness, body type, age, gender, clothing, posture) to determine whether you find him attractive
- Primary concern at this stage is to portray yourself in positive light
- Present a greeting you deem appropriate

2. Experimenting
- Exchanging demographic info (names, majors, hometowns) peeling away 1st layer of onion
- Dominated by small talk; safe communication
- Many relationships don't go beyond this stage

3. Intensifying
- Occurs when we begin feeling stronger feelings of attraction
- You & your partner begin to reveal previously withheld info depth is intensified, peeling away more of onion
- Become a "we" & begin to use terms of endearment
- Expressions of physical attraction snuggling, hand-holding
- Here is where we see if we are similar to the other person (birds-of-a-feather)
- Here we see if there is a reciprocal liking

4. Integrating
- You & partner's personalities seem to become one
- This integration is reinforced through sexual activity and the exchange of belongings (clothing, music, photos)
- Feelings of belonging; sharing space
--> EX: toothbrush at boyf's house
- Activities you do together clearly signify you as a couple
- Individual identity tension could arise (autonomy v. connection) more difficult to separate

5. Bonding
- A public ritual that announces to the world that you and your partner have made a commitment to each other public validation & institutionalization of a relationship
- Marriage is the most known ritual of such bonding
1. Differentiating
- The beliefs, attitudes, and values that distinguish you from your partner come to dominate your thoughts and communication ("I can't believe you think that!")
- Most healthy romances experience occasional periods of this

2. Circumscribing
- When we respond to problematic differences by ignoring them and spending less time talking
- You actively begin to restrict the quantity and quality of info you exchange with your partner
- Create "safe zones" in which you discuss topics that won't provoke conflict ("Let's not talk about that anymore")

3. Stagnating
- When circumscribing becomes so severe that almost no safe conversational topics remain, communication slows to a standstill and your relationship enters stagnation
- Both presume communication is pointless b/c it will only lead to more problems
- Can be really lasting unless we then take the next step to either rebuild (intensifying and integrating) or move to ending the relationship

4. Avoiding
- One or both of you decide that you no longer can be around each other, and begin distancing yourself physically
- Can be done directly ("I don't want to see you anymore" or indirectly (go out when they're home, ignore calls, change FB to single)

5. Terminating
- Couples might discuss past, present, future of the relationship
- Exchange summary statements about the past of either accusations ("No one has ever treated me so badly") or laments ("I'll never be able to find someone as perfect as you")
- Verbal and nonverbal behaviors indicating a lack of intimacy are readily apparent (physical distance/no eye-contact)
1. Families posses a strong sense of family identity
- Created by how they communicate
- The way you talk with your family members, the stories you exchange, and even the manner in which members of your family deal with conflict all contribute to a shared sense of what your family is like

2. Families use communication to define boundaries
- Both inside the family and to distinguish family members from outsiders
- Some restrict physical access to the family like dictating who your child can marry
- Some may welcome friends as unofficial members, such as an aunt who isn't biologically related to your parents

3. Emotional bonds underlying family relationships are intense and complex
- Family members typically hold both warm and antagonistic feelings toward one another

4. Families share a history
- Such histories can stretch back for generations and feature family members from a broad array of cultures
- These histories often set expectations regarding how family members should behave
- Families also share a common future: they expect to maintain their bonds indefinitely
- Everything you say & do becomes a part of your family history, shaping future interactions and determining whether your family relationships are healthy or destructive

5. Family members may share genetic material
- This can lead to shared physical characteristics as well as similar personalities, outlooks on life, mental abilities, and ways of relating to others
--> Such similarities may include shyness & aggressiveness, which studies suggest are influenced by genes

6. Family members juggle multiple and sometimes competing roles
- Within your family, you're not just a daughter, but perhaps a sibling, spouse, or aunt
- Each role carries varying expectations and demands which makes communicating competently within families challenging
1. Pluralistic: high conversation; low conformity
- Noted for joint decision making; everybody has a say
- Communicate openly & in depth
- Don't control other member's beliefs or attitudes
- Deal directly with conflict & resolve in productive, mutually beneficial ways
- Tend to be highly satisfied; highest rate of conflict resolution

2. Consensual: high conversation; high conformity
- High disclosure, attentive listening, frequent expressions of caring, concern, and support toward one another
- Encourage sharing their views as well as debate these beliefs, but at same time, expected to share a single viewpoint; make clear that 1 perspective is acceptable
--> We talk a lot, but we better agree
- High conformity = perceive conflict as threatening
--> Address conflicts as they occur and seek to resolve as constructively as possible to preserve family unity

3. Protective: low conversation; high conformity
- Less breadth & depth of conversation not a lot of expression of why we have the rules that we do, but more like "because I said so"
- Parent-child power differences firmly enforced & children are expected to quietly obey
- Communication functions to maintain obedience & enforce family norms
- Little value of exchanging ideas
- Avoid conflict b/c it threatens conformity
- Facts: daughters more likely to develop maladaptive eating disorders in protective families

4. Laissez-faire: low conversation; low conformity
- Less satisfied
- Few emotional bonds exist, resulting in low levels of caring, concern, and support expressed
- Lack of interaction & disinterest
- Parents believe children should be independent thinkers & decision makers derives from lack of interest in their kid's thoughts and decisions
- If conflict arises, it's avoided or (if they feeling strongly about the issue) they compete to win the debate