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Jokes

Terms in this set (74)

Why was the nose so tired?
Because it had been running all day!
What room do ghosts avoid?
The living room.
What did the hamburger give to his sweetheart?
An onion ring!
What fruit always travels in groups of two?
Pears.
What kind of music do aliens like?
Nep-tunes.
What do elves make sandwiches with?
Shortbread!
What kind of garden does a baker have?
A flour garden.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
Spare ribs!
Why did the football team go to the bank?
To get a quarter back!
What do you call a 100-year-old ant?
An antique!
Why did the pony cough?
He was a little horse.
WAiter, will my pizza be long?
No sir, it will be round!
How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A buccaneer!
What id one shooting star say to another?
Glad to meteor!
How did the farmer fix his jeans?
With a cabbage patch!
Why is Russia such a fast country?
Because the people are always Russian.
What game makes the most noise?
Tennis-you can't play it without raising a racket!
Why did King Arthur have a round table?
So no one could corner him.
If we breathe oxygen all day, what do we breathe all night?
Nitrogen!
Why does a firefly glow?
It eats light meals.
When is a piece of wood like a king?
When it's a ruler!
What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
The wind goes right through them!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It felt crummy.
What do you give a sick lemon?
Lemon aid!
How does Yoda shave?
With a light razer.
What do you call a man whose father was a cannon?
A son of a gun!
A knight wanted to be buried in his armor. What did it say on his tombstone?
Rust in peace.
How did the beaver get online?
He logged on.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck.
What lets you walk through walls?
Doors!
What does a frog do when its car breaks down?
It gets toad!
What do cats call mice on skateboards?
Meals on wheels!
What type of music are balloons scared of?
Pop music!
Where do you take a sick boat?
To the dock!
What do snakes do after a fight?
They hiss and make up.
How do you know if a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece!
Customer: Waiter, this food taste funny.
Waiter: Then why aren't you laughing?
What did the bee say to the flower?
Hello, honey!
Where does smart butter go?
On the honor roll.
What language does a billboard speak?
Sign language.
What building has the most stories?
The library.
What does a skeleton say before eating?
Bone appetit!
What is a cheerleader's favorite cereal?
Cheerios!
Why don't dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Where can you learn to make ice cream?
In sundae school.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
Why don't chickens play baseball?
Because they hit fowl balls.
Why did the vampire take art class?
He wanted to learn how to draw blood.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch you later.
What is full of holes but can still hold water?
A sponge!
Why did the baseball coach hire a singer?
Because he had perfect pitch!
What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
I'm not shore.
What kinds of streets do zombies like?
Dead ends!
What kind of shoes do spies wear?
Sneakers.
What does a shark eat with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
Why can't a leopard hide?
Because he's always spotted!
What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard?
Sorry, you're not my type.
How do you fix a broken tomato?
Tomato paste!
Why did the baby strawberry cry?
His parents were in a jam.
What did one math book say to the other math book?
Do you want to hear my problems?
What tools do you need in math class?
Multi-pliers
What did the dollar say to the four quarters?
You've changed!
How does the moon cut his hair?
E-clipse it!
How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rock-it!
Why didn't the car feel well?
It had gas.
What did the pen say to the pencil?
So, what's your point?
How do you spot a modern spider?
She has a Web site.
How did the barber win the race?
He had a shortcut!
What did the mountain climber name his son?
Cliff.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
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