CMST 1061 Chapter 4 - The 5 pathways of communication
Terms in this set (71)
Interpersonal needs theory
create and sustain relationships depending on how well they meet 3 basic needs: need to give and receive affection, need to be included as part of a group, need to control and influence the people and events in our lives
Small talk (Q)
the surface level exchange of information
Initiating a conversation
choosing a topic to discuss (the situation -> (Q) place, location, or environment; the other person, yourself)
Maintaining conversations (4)
keep the conversation going:
ask open-ended questions ->(Q) requires more than a one or two word response
make use of free information -> extra information contained in the other person's response
ask follow-up questions
keep the conversation light, stay away from controversial topics like religion and politics at first
Closing conversations (3)
bringing the small talk to a close (signal the end to the person you're talking to "I'll have to go in just a moment", summarize what was talked about "I had a good time discussing the recent movies we have seen", tell other that you've enjoyed talking to them and hope to have the chance to speak with them again in the future "I enjoyed talking with you. Maybe I'll see you around campus this semester)
a written or spoken act of communication that expresses regret or sorrow for emotionally hurting another person or breaking a rule of social conduct
"I'm at fault" apology
when you realize you were in the wrong and your actions had negative consequences for the other person
"I'm sorry I broke your lamp"
the wrongdoing consist of minor infractions caused by accidents, carelessness, or mismanagement; the other person suffers a loss of some kind, but the loss rarely results in hurt feelings
"I regret it" apology
when your words or actions cause the other person emotional pain or grief
"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I made fun of your new haircut"
apologize because hurt the other person's feelings and we regret our behavior caused psychological distress
"I sympathize" apology (Q)
when you express empathy, compassion, or understanding for the situation of the other person
no wrongdoing has been committed on your part
"I'm sorry to hear about your mother's illness"
"I apologize, but not really" apology
when something you say may sound like apology but they contain emotionally empty words and lack sincerity
4 fake apologies
Forced apology (Q)
demanded when someone has engaged in some type of conflict
A mom tells her son to apologize to his sister after hitting her, his apology is coerced and strained, does not regret his actions
when you know you need to apologize for something, but aren't really sure what you've done wrong
throw out a generic apology
usually given to people close to us because we see the change in them
"I'm sorry about whatever it is I did"
when you apologize but you do so by shifting the blame to the other person
"I'm sorry you feel that way"
"I'm sorry you thought I was being rude"
when you offer an apology, but then attempt to justify your behavior by offering a legitimate reason for the infraction
"I'm sorry I didn't return your call, but I've been so busy studying for finals"
use good timing
choose the appropriate method
What are some tips when apologizing? (3)
an inaccurate or false statement intended to mislead another individual
To acquire resources
a material or nonmaterial possession that we want or need
car, money, time, space= resource
lie in order to obtain these resources
student lies to parents saying he needs money for school but spends it on a night out
To protect resources
when we already possess a certain resource and lie in order to hold onto it/them
lie to person on street asking for money saying we don't have any
To present a competent image
when we lie to get approval from bosses, coworkers, or prospective employers
"Sure, I can work with that type of computer program. I do it all the time." but never has
To increase social desirability
when we lie to make ourselves appear more attractive in social relationships
if boyfriend asks if you want to ski, you say yes I love to but in fact hate it
To avoid interaction
when we lie to get out of going somewhere, doing something, or talking with another person
lie to friend who invited you to party saying you need to hang out with family
To avoid conflict or punishment
when we lie when we know that telling the truth will lead to an argument or verbal reprimand, lie to protect ourselves
accidentally delete friend's paper on computer, lie to say it's the computers fault
To spare feelings
when we lie to benefit someone else, help build their self-esteem
your friend only loses 5 pounds and the dress doesn't fit her, lie and say it does
messages that have two or more equally plausible yet vague meanings
don't actually lie but don't come right out with the truth
True, clear message
when you have spoken the truth and there is no other way to interpret your words
"the painting is ugly I hate it"
False, clear message
when you have spoken a false statement but it is not ambiguous (it's clear)
"it's a beautiful painting I love it"
True, equivocal message
when you have spoken the truth but your statement is ambiguous (it's not clear)
"what a unique painting I've never seen anything like it"
False, equivocal message
when you lie but avoid getting caught lying
"thanks for the painting I'll hang it up as son as I find just the right spot"
acknowledgement, endorsement, supportive response, advising, analyzing
interrupting, irrelevant response, tangential response, non-immediacy, discounting, degrading
directly responding to what the other person has said
paraphrasing the other person to make sure you understand the message or sing questions to receive more information
"you mean he broke up with you? What exactly did he say?"
when you agree with the other person's evaluation
"I agree. It was wrong with Will to break up with you in public. He could have told you the news in a more private setting."
like endorsement, but you don't agree
you express sympathy and understanding, and offer reassurance to the other person that everything will be okay
"I understand how bad you feel right now, but don't worry. I'm sure you will find someone better before long."
when you offer the other person guidance
you recommend a particular plan of action
when you examine the other person's message in order to help them try and identify possible causes for their problem
breaks down the details of what the other person has said to help them find meaning behind the situation and clarify why things might have happened in a certain way
"Maybe Will broke up with you because he is afraid of commitment. Or maybe he doesn't want to maintain long-distance relationship."
when you cut the other person's message short
the break disrupts the continuity
when your reply is completely unrelated to what the other person has just said
when you briefly acknowledge what the other person has said, but then take the conversation in a completely different direction
when you display verbal or nonverbal cues that minimize interest, closeness, or availability (implies that you hear the other person, but you're not really listening)
reading the newspaper while the other person is talking
when you minimize the importance of what the other person says (make them feel like it's not a big deal and that they're overreacting)
telling your friend to not sweat a break up there are other people out there
when you humiliate the other person
"No wonder Will broke up with you. You're so high-maintenance. I'm surprised he stayed with you as long as he did."
when one person is given control in a communication situation
the person has the ability to make the other comply with the request because they control some physical or emotional resource that we want or need
When your boss asks you to work overtime, you may comply because he/she has the power to give you a raise
the person has the ability to inspire fear
has the power to impose negative physical or mental consequences
Ex: a parent
the person has special knowledge or skills
diet and exercise because doctor says so
the person represents some social institution
police officers, judges, teachers
gives them the "right" to control our actions
comply with their requests out of admiration or respect
comply with the request of your grandfather out of respect for him as an individual
Self-presentation strategies (5)
behaviors individuals use in order to influence others
uses charm, helpfulness, and flattery to control others
the "brown-noser"; "yes man"
uses a dangerous appeal to control others
others will give in to their wishes if they are angry or violent
a child that throws a temper tantrum to get a new toy
wants to be perceived as competent so they attempt to build credibility through impressing others with the knowledge, training, and experience
individuals who name drop or make reference to the prestigious school they attended
exerts control by personifying the values admired by others
want others to see them as honest, moral, and ethical so that others comply out of admiration
attempts to control others by appearing weak, helpless or defenseless so individuals will come to their aid or rescue
get someone to move sofa because you claimed to have hurt your back
when we comply, we yield to the wishes of the other person
when we need a favor, help, or want them to do something for us
a form of flattery
when you try to get the other person in a good mood or positive frame of mind before asking what you want
"buttering them up"
"wow you are looking great today. by the way can i copy your notes from the last period"
when you give a gift to or do a favor for the other person before asking what you want (reward comes before)
wash and wax brother's car before asking him if you can borrow it
when you offer the other person something in exchange for their compliance (reward comes after)
"If you help me with the paper I have due tomorrow, I will do your laundry for the next two weeks."
when there is some negative consequence or punishment involved if the other person does not comply
"If you do not go to the party with me tonight, I will never speak to you again."
"you owe me" approach
you remind the other person of a favor you previously did
"do it for me" approach
you ask the other person to selflessly put your needs ahead of their own, comply to request as a personal favor
"I know you hate these company picnics, but please go, just for me."
self - tells the other person if they comply, they will feel proud of their actions
"If you stay in school and graduate, you will be so proud of your accomplishment."
other - tells the other person if they comply, others will feel proud of their actions
"If you stay in school and graduate, you will make your entire family proud."
when you attempt to make the other person feel a sense of personal responsibility and remorse if they do not comply
"If you don't come home for the family reunion, you will really upset your great aunt."
Interpersonal conflict (3)
two individuals cannot agree on a way to meet their needs
pseudo, simple, ego conflicts
can occur because of a misunderstanding (meet friend at Walk ons and you went to one walk ons she went to other; wanted same thing but misunderstanding), disagreement over content or matters of fact (you and boyfriend disagree on when the dog needs its vaccinations so check the records), or misinterpretation of another's intent (interpret the other person's behavior differently from what the behavior actually is; girlfriend secretly planning a surprise party misinterpret it as cheating)
can occur because the two individuals disagree over how to achieve their goals or have goals that are incompatible
scarcity of resources (there is not enough of something to go around), individual differences (differences in values, beliefs, attitudes, interests, and decisions to be made), inappropriate behavior (one person violates the relational expectations or social contract of the relationship)
can occur when a conflict gets personal and the individuals use their words to verbally attack each other
"I can't believe you're so stupid"
the verbal attacks damage the self-concept and self-esteem of the individuals involved
(non-aggressive approach) when you give in to the other person, with no regard to your own needs or desires
value relationship over own goals
friends want to go to beach over break, you want skiing, you give in to go to beach
(aggressive approach) when you have an overwhelming need to get your way and force your position on the other person
maximize own needs while diminishing the needs of the other individual
"win-lose" approach because you will win while the other person will lose
insist y'all two go skiing or you will not go on the trip at all
(assertive approach) when the needs of both parties are integrated into the solution
both individuals get exactly what they want
when both parties try to find some middle ground, however, the end result leaves the individuals only partially satisfied
neither party gets exactly what they want
when the two individuals settle on a new option that was not one of the original goals at the outset of the conflict, but which satisfies both parties
one person wants to paint the kitchen yellow, other green; then someone suggests white, now both say white is best
resolve conflicts caused by inappropriate behavior
the other individual does something you find unacceptable, you apply the following steps
Describe (behavior that is bothersome)
Express (how the behavior makes you feel)
Specify (what you would like the person to do)
Consequences (punishment if the person does not comply)
What does DESC stand for?