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#1 Establish the 6 Basic Social Skills in Regulating Conflict

(1) label/replace 4 Horsemen with antidotes
(2) use softened startup
(3) accept influence
(4) manage flooding/self soothing
(5) de-escalate & make effec repair
(6) develop ability to compromise

#2 Be Able to Process a Fight

* move from attk/def to admitting, using video tape Aftermath Quests
* each take responsibility for some small part of problem
* then move to collaborative mode
* goal is for them to have ability to repair the interaction when it goes negative w/o the therapist

#3 Be Able to Process Failed Bids for Emotional Connection

* move from bid for connection that is NOT perceived, to reaching out and asking for something
* idea is to reframe the BID and formalize the process
* "make a mindless process mindful"
* Use Aftermath of Failed Bid Quests

#4 Establish & Maintain Rituals of Emotional Connection

* Use the R of EC exercise
* Script the ritual so both know what they are supposed to enter, proceed, and exit the ritual.
* Idea for each to look forward to it

#5 Plan for Relapse & Schedule Followup Sessions

* continue to encourage, but also express concern about relapse
* checkups every 6 mo for 2 years

Gottman Therapy
The 5 Main Goals

1 - regulate conflict, 6 skills
2 - be able to process a fight
3 - be able to process a failed bid for emotional connection
4 - establish & maintain rituals of emotional connection
5 - plan for relapse

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