Week 1 Readings

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Terms in this set (...)

• The history of the study of interpersonal relationships
-earliest research in 50s, but REAL research in 60s-70s
-first books in 70s
-began with focus on how people communicate in dyads and small groups
• John Gray vs. John Gottman
Gray:
-wrote Men From Mars, Woman from Venus (compares men to rubber bands, women to waves)
-Believes in Meditation
Gottman:- actual research
• General Types of relationships
role relationships
interpersonal relationships
close relationships
basic ingredient for having a relationship
-behavioral interdependence (one person's behavior somehow affects the other person's behavior and vice versa
role relationships
functional or casual and often temporary
-people in these relationships are usually interchangeable and not unique
-ex. you and your waiter at a restaurant
interpersonal relationships
-requires that 2 people influence each other in meaningful ways (mutual influence)
-influence has to do with activities that create connection at a social or emotional level rather than task level
-have repeated interaction over time
characterized by unique interaction patterns (the way you communicate with each other will be different than how you communicate with other people)

-ex. you help a friend with HW and offer words of encouragement to boost their confidence
close relationships
-have all features of interpersonal +
1. emotional attachment
2. need fulfillment
3. irreplaceability

-fulfill critical needs like the need to belong to a social group, to feel loved/appreciated, and to care for and nurture someone
irreplaceability
-that person has a special place in our thought and emotions and social networks
-ex. 1st love, best friend
diverse relationships
partners are interdependent in many ways
need fulfillment in close relationships
-affection
-social inclusion
-behavioral control
characteristics distinguishing relationship type
1. how voluntary it is
2. the degree to which people are genetically related
3. whether the relationship os sexual or platonic
4. whether it is romantic
5. the sex or gender of the partners
• How marriage expectations vary by culture
value positive relational comm and see disrespect as negative. difference: some asian countries have traditionally linked ideas of marriage
• Principles of interpersonal communication
1. it consists of a variety of nonverbal and verbal messages that can be exchanged through different channels, including face-to-face and computer mediated channels

2. one cannot not communicate in face-to-face settings

3. people use interpersonal communication to fulfill goals

4. interpersonal communication varies in effectiveness, with the most effective messages leading to shared meaning between a sender and a receiver

5. every message contains both content and relational info

6. can be symmetrical or asymmetrical
verbal and nonverbal messages
...
communication as inevitable
...
interpersonal communication goals
-self-preservational goals
-relational goals
-instrumental goals
effectiveness and shared meaning
...
content vs. relational information
...
symmetry in communication
...
• Principles of relational communication
1. relationships emerge across ongoing interactions

2. relationships contextualize messages

3. communication sends a variety of relational messages

4. relational communication is dynamic

5. relational communication follows both linear and nonlinear patterns
the variety of relational messages--fundamental relational themes
1. dominance/submission
2. level of intimacy
3. degree of similarity
4. task-social orientations
5. formality/informality
6. degree of social composure
7. level of emotional arousal and activation
• How Gottman can predict divorce with 91% accuracy
-science and data
• Why most marriage therapy fails, in Gottman's opinion
-they are still offering treatment that doesn't get to the heart of that makes a long-term relationship last
-most therapists will say that learning to communicate better is the key to a happy marriage
-they use active listening (complainer forms complaints as "I" statements about how they feel and the listener repeats it to make sure they got it right and show empathy
-leads to conflict resolution but it's not enough because most couples who try it for a while relapse

-it's hard because you have to listen to someone talk to you about all the things they dont like about you and stay calm
-you need all 7 principles to make the marriage work, not just a couple
• Myths about marriage, according to Gottman
-neuroses or personality problems ruin marriages
-common interests keep you together
-you scratch my back and i scratch yours
-avoiding conflict will ruin your marriage
-affairs are the root cause of divorce
-men are not biologically "built" for marriage
-men and women are from different planets
• A happy couple's "secret weapon"
a deep friendship
• Krauss and Morsella's four communication paradigms
1. encoding-decoding paradigm
2. internationalist paradigm
3. perspective-taking paradigm
4. Dialogic paradigm
• Kraus and Morsella's views on form vs. substance
-substance is most critical
-substance is the quality of the proposals and counterproposals that each participant makes

-form is the way you say things and can have (sometimes unintended) consequences
• The main argument of "Judging People by Their Covers" and the key points made in support of that argument
-While we think so many people are judging people off their looks, they are heavily also judging people based off their voices.
-Women prefer men w/deep voices: especially mores during the fertile period of their cycle
-Men are more attracted to female voices during their fertile period of their cycle
-The greater a women's risk of conception, the sexier a man finds her
-When female cowbirds are attracted to men)they signal with "chatter"
-Study done in Africa w/family and study showed that men with deeper "Morgan Freeman" style voices were more likely to father children
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