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PAMELA - ACT II, Scene i
Terms in this set (87)
BINGHAM. For me, it's a good day of golf when I don't fall off the golf cart.
They say that golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. I say why choose? ... Did you find Justin?!
BINGHAM. I did.
BINGHAM. He was at his mother's house, still fairly hysterical, rending his garments like something out of the King James Bible. I told him to get the hell down here or I'd fire him on the spot.
I'm sure that relaxed him.
BINGHAM. Well, I don't care! It's all so simple! The score is tied, he has only one hole left to play and all he has to do is focus!
Easier said than done.
BINGHAM. You're telling me. I can't believe we're giving him dinner. I'd rather strangle him.
Do you want to win the bet or don't you?
BINGHAM. What are we feeding them by the way?
Raw oysters, goose liver pate, steak tartare and figs in cream.
BINGHAM. Good God.
I figure they'll end up married or dead.
As much as possible. (Down drink!)
That's rather good. What is it?
BINGHAM. Dom Perignon.
Good man. I used to date him, I think.
BINGHAM. Quite fruity.
You're telling me. (Down.) You know, I would drink water instead but there's all those fish in it.
BINGHAM. And this is healthier, it kills germs.
The third one's always the roughest. You do know that the Golf Channel is coming tomorrow morning.
BINGHAM. What? No. Why?
Because we're news. At least in the gold world. "Unknown amateur golfer heading for 64 in local tournament blows 8-stroke lead on a single hole with only one hole left to play?" It could have been written by Puccini.
BINGHAM. Oh my God, what's Muriel's vase still doing here?
I suppose we forgot about it in all the excitement.
BINGHAM. Well, we'd better put it away before the next disaster.
And you'd better tell that crowd out there that the tap room is off limits tonight.
BINGHAM. Just kidding, just kidding, it's all in fun, and best of luck to traitor Steve. TRAITOR!
I thought you handled that well.
LOUISE. I think so. And Mr. Bingham, I just want to say how sorry I am about this afternoon. I know I flew off the handle, and I didn't mean to, but it was like I couldn't help myself --
Listen, it's a big step, deciding to get married, and it made you nervous which is only natural. People don't get married all the time. Except in my case, and I average about once a year.
LOUISE. It's nice of you to loan me your dress, Mrs. Peabody.
I call it my Hail Mary dress.
LOUISE. Hail Mary?
You save it for the final pass and if they pull it off, it's a touch down.
LOUISE. Do you name all your dresses?
Most of them.
LOUISE. And what's yours called?
This is my home sweet home dress!
LOUISE. Aw, cause there's no place like it?
And the front door is always welcome to visitors.
LOUISE. I think I'll stick to Hail Mary.
Well believe me darling if I could fill it the way you do, I'd have it glued to my body.
LOUISE. Aw, that's not true. Mr. Bingham thinks you're much prettier than I am.
Why do you say that?
LOUISE. Well, at the Spring Dance I overheard him tell someone that you're the most beautiful woman at the club.
LOUISE. Uh-huh, of course, he'd just had three martinis so it might have been the liquor talking.
Thank you, Louise.
LOUISE. Oh my gosh! Hold it. One of my earrings is missing, I'll be right back!
Louise! Louise, it doesn't matter -!
BINGHAM. Justin get back here! This is the right thing to do!
JUSTIN. No! I don't care what you say! I'm not having dinner with Louise!
No, don't... Don't!
Louise! Oh, Louise!
BINGHAM. Lord, give me strength! Were we like this when we were youngsters?
Are you kidding me? I'd have been up to the figs in cream by this time.
LOUISE. I'd love to, if that's all right with you.
JUSTIN. Quick, this way! Hurry!
I can't believe it! I went to all this trouble.
Oh hell with it!
BINGHAM. I give up.
All this fuss over a little game with a ball!
BINGHAM. Justin could win this thing standing on his head!
BINGHAM. There, there!
Are we getting drunk?
Probably, I never could hold my liquor.
BINGHAM. Me neither.
Two, three bottles, and I start to feel it.
BINGHAM. I'm going to lose my shirt, aren't I?
I have no idea. To tell you the truth, I know very little about golf. You play, don't you?
Are you any good?
BINGHAM. Well, I wouldn't rename The Masters after me, but I get around.
"Here we are at Augusta Nationals for The Binghams!" I wonder, do you think you could give me a golf ball lesson some time? I've always wanted to play the game, but I never had the slightest idea how to go about it.
BINGHAM. Oh, oh, oh! as they say in England, you are in the right pew Madame! Let's start with the basics.
That sounds enchanting.
BINGHAM. First, the equipment.
BINGHAM. Two balls.
Don't go there.
BINGHAM. Sorry. Now I need a tee. A tee, a tee, a tee... A tee you see is made from a tree.
And it stings like a bee if it hits you in the knee!
BINGHAM. Lie down.
I beg your pardon.
BINGHAM. Lie down on the floor. This is very instructive.
Are you sure about this?
BINGHAM. Positive, now pucker.
BINGHAM. Pucker. Wait, wait, I do it better when I'm blindfolded. Don't worry, I'm an excellent shot!
I'm counting on that.
BINGHAM. Put it back.
BINGHAM. Ah! What is it? What happened?!
I fell asleep and I had a nightmare. I dreamt my three ex-husbands went on a golfing weekend and I was the seventh hole.
BINGHAM. Oh you poor thing, get up, get up.
Ooh, I like this music!
No thank you.
I love oysters, I love the way they slide right off the shell and into your oh my god
What's the matter?
It went down my dress.
It went down my dress!
Oh no!! That's terrible! Take it off immediately!
There it is.
I don't want to talk about it.
Alas, poor oyster, I knew him, Horatio.
Would you like to dance?
With Oyster Woman?
Do you have a super power?
I can make a pearl!
I'll chance it. Good lord, you have a tattoo on your shoulder. That's very sexy.
Sorry to disappoint you but it's a birthmark.
Really? It looks like a small purple flower.
It runs in the family. We call it the purple pimpernel. I have an identical, rather larger version of it on my backside and no, you're not seeing it.
It's getting to be banquet time and I have to speak. Id better fix his ridiculous amplifier.
And if you can't fix it, we know whose fault it will be. Tramplemain's.
...Mrs. Peabody, can I tell you a secret?
I had a crush on you when we were children here at the club together.
Well that's a coincidence. I had one on you, too.
Oh I don't believe you.
It's true, I'm afraid. I remember exactly when it started. You had just come off the ice hockey rink and one of your skates was stuck and you asked me if I'd help you pull it off.
I remember that!
One strong pull and I was yours forever.
Well, why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I was a boy! I had acne from my chin to my forehead. I was a body and a neck with a pimple on top.
We did have that one date.
That was much later.
Graduation night, as I remember.
Mrs. Peabody, I think there's something I should tell you. I think I may just possibly be in love with you.
There are many nights when I go to bed thinking of you sitting stark naked at the end of the mattress.
Or I dream about you tearing your clothes off on by one while pretending to resist my urgent advances -
Please, Mr. Bingham!
Parading every inch of your oiled, naked body in front of me - and then belly dancing in front of the fire!
Would you listen to me!!
Why?! Why must I stop?! ... because I'm married and therefore my life is at an end?! Is that why I have to stop??
No, you have to stop because the microphone is on.
AHHHHHHHHHH! How could you let me go on like that?
I tried I stop you but you wouldn't listen! Now turn it off!
Come on, come on... it won't turn off!
Let me see if!
There's nothing to see! Just pull the plug!
I pulled the plug!
Testing...testing... wait it's still on!
How could it still be on if I pulled the plug??
MURIEL. Turn it off!
BINGHAM. We're trying!
It won't turn off!
CHEF ANTOINE. Get out! Get out! Zis is my kitchen!!
JUSTIN. Ah! We didn't mean to!
What's going on?!
BINGHAM. I'll kill him!
LOUISE. Mr. Bingham stop it!
LOUISE. Mr. Bingham!
Call an ambulance!
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