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Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss
A former international hostage negotiator for the FBI offers a new, field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom or at home.
Terms in this set (85)
what's a good comeback to an unrealistic expectation
how am I supposed to do that?
most questions in negotiating should be of what kind?
what was a common question they'd ask in hostage negotiating when they were asked for a million dollars
I really am sorry, but how can I get you any money right now, let alone a million dollars, if I don't even know if he's alive
what is a calibrated question and why does it work?
a question that the other side can respond to but that has no fixed answers. It gives the other side the illusion of control.
should you ask 1-2 open ended questions or more
keep asking the same 3-4 over and over again. They will get tired and give in.
kahneman's big insight was what
prospect theory, that people are - among other things - loss averse. They will take bigger risks to avoid a loss than to achieve an equal gain
system 1 and 2 thinking has within it what insight
that system 1, the emotional one, is much more powerful than system 2. and negotiating is emotional
everyone in a negotiation wants what three things
to be listened to, respected and accepted
how often do we negotiate in a day
constantly, home and work just the same
the main problem that most people have with negotiating is what
they have an aversion to it
at the end of a negotiation, your adversary should feel what about you
that you have a great relationships
the end of negotiating is what
old school haggling
what is a black swan
a piece of information that you can learn from the other person and that changes everything
why are smart people bad negotiators
they think they know everything
the goal of the first part of negotiating is what
the other person and what they have to say
what's a common mistake in negotiating
going too fast, being in a hurry. Take your time
the late nite FM dejay voice has what 5 characteristics
deep soft slow and reassuring, and downward inflecting ("I've got it covered")
our voice should ratiate what?
warmth and acceptance
focus less on your words and more on what?
your tone - how you say what you say
your tone should generally be what in a negotiating
positive and playful, easy going and good-natured. Relax and smile while talking
the late nite fm d-jay voice says what to someone
I've got it covered, quiet and assuring
why is mirroring so effective
it says to the other person, "you and I are alike" even though all you've done is repeated their last few words
when people would get jumpy what would he say in a hostage situation
in his late nite fm dejay voice, he'd say "nobody's going anywhere" and "nobody's gonna get hurt"
what are the 5 basic steps of negotiating with aggressive people
use the late nite FM dejay voice, start with "I'm sorry", mirror, silence to let the mirroring work, repeat
how to mirror
repeat the last few words they said, sometimes starting with "I'm sorry"
if you do this in person should you smile
when you do research before a negotiation, you will make conclusions. How to bring those conclusions into a conversation in negotiation
treat them as hypotheses to be tested during the NEG.
the key to good negotiation is what
empathy, consider what it would be like to be in that person's shoes
how to label the emotions of the other person
it looks like, it seems like (and then mention their concern or fear, what you assume they're thinking using your empathy
what is labeling?
validating someone's emotion by acknowledging it
how did he label the emotion of people holed up in a building after shooting some bullets out
it looks like you don't want to go back to jail. Even if it's true, just exposing the concern to daylight makes it less fearful
be keen to notice what in a NEG
body language, it will tell you a lot that you can folllow up on.
what are the three phrases you can use in labeling an emotion
it seems like, it looks like, it sounds like (don't use the word I)
after you throw out a label be sure to __________
if you do something bad, what's a smart thing to say during a NEG
look, I'm an *******
if you find a negative feeling (especially fear) in a NEG, do what
label it and replace it with compassionate, solutions-based approaches
labeling an emotion has what huge benefit
it validates the other person for having the emotion, telling them "I get it, it's normal"
what is an accusation audit
it's a way of admitting some negative things about yourself that the other person MAY be thinking, but that once said, the other person says "NO, that's not true".
saying "I don't want to sound harsh" or "I don't want to seem like an *******" is a way of doing what
an accusation audit
when you do an accusation audit, what's key about it
don't tell them that they're wrong for feeling that way and don't defend yourself. You're waiting for the other side to defend you
"you may feel like we treated you unfairly and that we changed the deal we had agreed to" is an example of what
an accusation audit
when dealing with someone who is upset, use what two methods
mirroring and labeling
an accusation audit is another way of doing what
listing the worst things that the other party could say about you and say them before the other person can
never forget that all people want what three things
to be listened to, understood and accepted
should you get the other person to say yes as soon as possible
why is getting someone to say no so valuable
it makes people feel safe to say no
is no really no
no, it opens people up to helping you solve the problem. It's a gateway to a yes. it makes them feel in control
what's so great about hearing NO early
it's where the real negotiation begins
after you hear no, what are a few good things to say
what about this doesn't work for you, what would you need to make it work, it seems like there's something here that bothers you
what are the three kinds of yes
counterfeit, confirmation and commitment
that sad truth about NEG is what
that the outcome come from the other person's decision, which we can't force
what's a great way to get a NO to get things moving, 2 ways actually
mislabel one of the other party's emotions or desires OR ask the other party what they don't want
what's a good email to send to someone who's not responding
have you given up on this project? As it gets them to say no
the goal is to come up with a solution that the other party _____________
thinks is their idea
what are the 5 steps on the behavior change stairway model
active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, behavioral change
when you're NEG you're trying to get the person to say what?
"yeah, that's right" as this is what people say when they feel that the other person really understands them.
what are all of the active listening tactics (6)
pauses, encouragers (I huh, yes, I see), mirroring, labeling, paraphrase, summarize
yes is not yes without what
which is better to hear "that's right" or "you're right"
that's right is great, you're right is a disaster (it's a way of saying that they don't own the conclusion)
how to get a "that's right"
summarize what you've heard someone saying, the result of asking lots of questions
should you be willing to split the difference
no, then no one is happy
what should you ignore while NEG
time and deadlines, they will hurt you. they are arbitrary.
what mantra about deal making is important to remember
no deal is better than a bad deal
should you tell your counterpart about your deadline
yes, if it's true
which word is the most complicated in a NEG
if someone says they're giving you a fair offer, what's a good response
fair....it seems like you're ready to provide the evidence that supports that
how to get the F word (fair) into the conversation early
I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me if you feel I'm being unfair and we'll address it.
to get leverage in a NEG, you have to convince the other person of what
that they have something to lose if the deal falls through
what's the easiest thing you can say to someone to help them feel "loss aversion"
I wanted to bring this opportunity to you before I took it to someone else.
when you hear an extreme offer, you have to remind yourself what
not to get thrown off by it. It's just want aggressive negotiators do. Don't get angry or defensive or go automatically to your max offer.
if you're asked first to offer a number, how to do it
establish a range. People like me...get between 120 and 150, so long as the low number is good for you.
rather than getting bogged down on haggling numbers, what to do early
pivot to non-monetary terms, brainstorm them
when you throw out a number consider doing it how
make it odd, it will feel precise.
what can help while negotiating a price
surprise them with a gift, a concilatiatory gesture.
how to say NO in a NEG
do it without saying the actual word no. I wish I could, I'm sorry that I can't accept that...how can I come up with that kind of money
when preparing for a NEG, do what
write out a script for the conv and do research to understand the issues very well.
when negotating a job, ask what question
what does it take to be successful here? And ask for mentorship.
open ended questions should start with one of what two words
what and how
what's a great calibrated question in most settings (3)
what is the biggest challenge you face? Or What are you up against here? OR What causes the most frequent breakdowns?
what's important to remember when negotating with someone
who's behind them but not in the room?
rather than think of NEG as a fight/conflict, think of it as what
an information gathering process that vests your counterpart in an outcome that serves you
what kind of question should you avoid
closed ended. It does not make the other person think.
when a patient wanted to leave AMA, what did a doctor say that got them somewhere
what do you feel is so important about leaving (they had errands to run, so the doctor arranged for help)
when someone gives you a high price do what
I'm sorry but that's more than I budgeted for. How am I supposed to make that work?
what words can you pepper in your calibrated (open-ended) questions
perhaps, maybe, I think, it seems
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