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Psych of Sexuality - Love (chapter 12)
Terms in this set (41)
the idealization of another; the combination of passion and intimacy (liking)
a relationship that includes:
*enjoyment of each other's company
*acceptance of one another
*respect for one another
*mutual assistance when needed
*confiding in one another
love based on togetherness, trust, sharing, and affection rather than passion (intimacy + commitment)
a state of intense longing for union with one another, and profound physiological arousal
a) a drab, mundane form of companionship where one's partner gives few positive rewards, other than predictability, for remaining in the relationship
b) the emotional tie between a parent and a child, or between two adults
feelings of love that depend on the loved one satisfying needs and fulfilling desires
feelings of love that do not depend on the loved one meeting certain expectations or desires
responding less positively to a stimulus with repeated exposure to it
having fewer common interests over time
maintaining common interests or forging new interests over time
Typical scholarly view on romantic love cross-culturally
Romantic love is considered to be a relatively recent phenomena that exists only in Western culture.
Romantic love is unnecessary and not valued in primitive clans where there is shared intimacy, and where individual achieve their identity through the group and close family and religious ties.
Therefore, because romantic love involves idealization of one individual, it is only attainable in a fluid society that emphasizes individualism -- like modern Western culture.
Romantic love as a basis for marriage is generally found in cultures that do not have strong sanctions against female sexuality and that have a permissive attitude about premarital sex.
Newer scholarly ideas challenging traditional view of romantic love cross-culturally
Accounts of homoerotic love in classical Greece, among the literate elite of Japan's Tokugawa period, and in the myths and legends of ancient India challenge the notion that romantic love is Western phenomena.
In one extensive cross-cultural study that examined 166 cultures, evidence of romantic love was found in 147 of them, including many which prohibited it.
Romantic love in Middle Ages
Romantic love became idealized in Middle Ages with courtly love, but was not considered a good reason to enter into marriage until the late 1800s.
In industrialized coutnries, where importance is attached to individuals, monogamy is standard.
In simpler societies, where less importance is given to individuals and more is given to situations, allowing one man to have more than one wife is normal.
What is attachment theory of love?
The attachment theory for love posits that the strength of one's infant-caregiver attachment bond directly affects the type of attachment style one will adopt in their adult relationships.
Among seriously committed couples, there is a higher proportion of secure individuals.
Among uncommitted individuals, there is a higher proportion of people with other attachment styles.
Initial 3 types of infant-caregiver attachment bonds
secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, and avoidant attachment
Secure attachment tendencies
A child with secure attachment learns that their parents are a consistent source of security and trust.
As adults, these individuals do not fear abandonment and have an easy time getting close to others.
They have positive views of themselves, are well-liked by others, and strive for a balance between closeness and independence.
Anxious-ambivalent attachment tendencies
A child with anxious-ambivalent attachment has experienced inconsistent parenting. Eventually this leads to uncertainty and a variety of emotional reactions that may include actively seeking to be near the parent, ambivalence towards the parent, and angry outbursts.
As adults, they generally have negative attitudes about themselves and are insecure in their relationships.
They fear rejection and try desperately to get close to their partners, in the process relinquishing their independence.
They tend to fall in love easily and have very intense emotions that often scare their partners away.
Avoidant attachment tendencies
A child with avoidant attachment develops negative attitudes of others because their parents neglect them, under stimulate them, or over stimulate them.
Adults with this attachment style have negative views of others and therefore have difficulties feeling intimate and letting someone get close to them.
Expanded model of 4 attachment styles
Secure - positive attitudes about themselves and others
Preoccupied (similar to anxious-ambivalent): have negative attitudes about themselves and positive attitudes about others
Dismissive: negative attitudes about others but positive attitudes about themselves
Fearful avoidant: negative attitudes about themselves and others
What is STernberg's triangular theory of love?
Sternberg's triangular theory of love posits that all of the different positive emotions that people can have for others can be understood by the various possible combinations of intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Sternberg -Intimacy alone
In Sternberg's model, the feelings in a relationship that promote closeness or bonding and the feeling of warmth. When taken in isolation, the resulting feeling is "liking" that defines a friendship
Sternberg - Liking
In Sternberg's model, the result of feeling intimacy alone for someone else - the basis of a friendship
Sternberg - Passion alone
In Sternberg's model, the drive leading to physical attraction, sexual relations, and romance. Taken in isolation, the resulting phenomena is "infatuated love" that defines "love at first sight".
Sternberg - Infatuated love
In Sternberg's model, the result of feeling passion alone for someone else - the basis of "love at first sight"
Sternberg - Decision/Commitment alone
In Sternberg's model, refers to the decision that one loves the other person and will commit to maintaining the relationship. When taken in isolation, the resulting phenomena is "empty love" that usually defines the final stages of a long-term stagnant relationship.
Sternberg - Empty love
In Sternberg's model, refers to the type of love found in a relationship consisting of decision/commitment alone that defines the final stages of a long-term stagnant relationship.
Sternberg - romantic love
In Sternberg's model, the combination of intimacy + passion resulting in a physical and emotional closeness that characterizes "summer love" type relationships
Sternberg - companionate love
In Sternberg's model, the combination of intimacy and decision/commitment that defines a long-term committed friendship.
Sternberg - fatuous love
In Sternberg's model, the combination of passion and commitment that typically results in whirlwind fleeting romances like Hollywood relationships
Sternberg - consummate love
In Sternberg's model, the combination of intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment resulting in complete love that is most likely to endure.
What makes relationships last?
One of the most important ways to maintain a relationship is to develop and maintain intimacy.
This can be done by attempting to achieve mutual understanding, where both partners:
*a) accept themselves as they are
*b) recognize the other partner for what that person is
*c) feel comfortable expressing themselves to the other
*d) learn to deal with each other's reactions
Intimacy can be maintained by replacing passion with things that lead to companionate love -- engaging in new activities and finding new shared pleasurable activities as old activities become less feasible, dry, or phase out.
What breaks relationships up?
Habituation, or the phenomena of responding less positively to a stimulus with repeated exposure to it, occurs in relationships and is the greatest challenge that a couple faces.
It is inevitable, and usually leads to a decline in passion. To avoid habituation, couples should replace old passing interests with new ones so that they can continue to share things in common and avoid growing apart.
What is Gottman's model of relationships?
Gottman's Method COuples Therapy is a structured, goal-oriented, scientifically-based therapy based on empirical data.
What does Gottman's model of relationships suggest?
Brad knew the most solvable things clearly.
Building love maps
Nurturing fondness and admiration
Turn toward each other
Make life dreams come true
Solve your solvable problems
Gottman - Building love maps
Couples should know about the major events in each other's history and keep updating this information as their partner's world changes
Gottman - Nurturing fondness and admiration
In order to avoid contempt, remind yourself of your partner's positive qualities even as you grapple with their flaws. Express out loud your fondness and admiration for the other.
Gottman- Turn toward each other
Turn towards the "bids" for your partner's affection, attention, humor, or support rather than turning away. State your needs and turn towards your partner's stated needs.
Gottman - Make life dreams come true
Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions, and aspirations and CREATED SHARED MEANING IN THE OTHER'S AMBITIONS
Gottman - Solve your solvable problems when managing conflict
Understand the distinction between managing perpetual problems and managing solvable problems
Gottman - Trust
Try to establish a dynamic in the relationship where each partner knows that the other acts and thinks to maximize their own interests and maximize their benefits not just the other's own interests and benefits
Gottman - Commitment
Believe and act on the belief that your relationship with the person is your lifelong journey, for better or worse. Cherish your partner's positive qualities and nurture gratitude by comparing your partner favorably with others rather than trashing the partner by magnifying negative qualities or comparing the partner unfavorably with others.
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