High Demandingness/Low responsiveness
Low emotional connection, high direction & control, emotionally harsh, use physical punishment (ROCK)
Emotionally nurturing; set clear, reasonable, but firm limits; high in warmth; highly responsive. (TENNIS BALL)
Best outcomes for children.
Low emotional connection, low direction & control, have either rejected or dont take time to parent.
This is the worst possible outcome for children. (BUBBLE)
High emotional connection, low direction & control, set few limits, inconsistent in discipline. (MARSHMALLOW)
When a partner tunes out following criticism, contempt, and defensiveness
Refusing to listen to a complaint
Listener withdrawal- either physically or psychologically they leave the conversation
Person usually looks away
Hides behind the newspaper or book
Leaves the house
Refuses to argue or talk
Doesn't give may signs such as eye contact, nod, uh-hug to indicate he's paying attention.
It's like talking to a STONE WALL!
Perceived by the speaker as detachment, disapproval, smugness, hostility, negative judgment, disinterest, coldness
Primarily done by males
Usually arrives later in the course of a marriage than the other three horsemen
But is a major RED FLAG that the couple is in trouble!
Antidote: self-soothe, stay connected to interaction. Re-write your inner script (replace thoughts of righteous indignation or innocent victimization with thoughts of appreciation, responsibility that are soothing & validating) Practice getting undefended (allowing your partner's utterances to be what they really are: just thoughts and puffs of air) and let go of the stories that you are making up
13th EditionLori Watson, Patrick J. Hurley