HD 205 final
Terms in this set (54)
zones are fluid
Leading principles that guide us and motivate us as we move through life.
Unlike a goal, can never be attained; however can be demonstrated moment to moment.
eOur heart's deepest desires: how we want to be, what we want to stand for, and how we want to relate to the world around us.
Behaviors can be organized into categories:
No one is better than the others
Look for common patterns
Not intended for use as a profiling tool
otter, owl, lion, dog
treat others how they want to be treated
levels of learning
start something new
does not know what to do or how to do something
growth: recognize incompetence and have desire to change and be open to learning
give up drop out
observe skill to better understand, recognize deficit
growth: desire to acquire new skills, accepting mistakes will be made
resiliency skills lead to this
determination, concentration, follows instructions, willing to make mistakes
pitfall: fear, resistance, quitting
growth: persistent practice so less mistakes, need to review steps diminishes, resiliency
completing or continuing
don't need to think about it, can teach it, low frequency of mistakes
pitfall: complacency or ignorance of new method
growth: serve as a mentor to conscious competence, reflect and improve
- verbal (words)
- vocal (pacing and tone)
2. nonverbal/visual (body language)
3. clueless communication (written word)
-Verbal (words) 7%
-Vocal (tone) 38%
-Visual (body language) 55%
Communication that consists of only written words
Perspective influences the interpretation
Involves improving ones' ability to accurately receive messages.
Involves listening intently with the goal of empathizing with the speaker.
Involves the ability to capture the essence of what you heard the other person say.
degrees of active listening
-Repeating (able to repeat the message using exactly the same words)
-Paraphrasing (able to produce message using similar words used by the speaker)
-Reflecting (able to render the message using your own words and sentences.
interrupting the speaker
filling in gaps
excessive or disruptive discouragement
forming a response before getting all the information
verbal or nonverbal processes in which individuals share feelings or perceptions about others' behaviors, actions, or words
Giving Constructive Feedback
1. establish a climate of trust and respect
2. focus on I and you statements
3. give as much as possible
4. avoid overstatements
5. be descriptive
6. point to a solution
7. keep comments impersonal
8. be specific, timely, honest
9. be prepared
10. be on-going
1. Be open: listen to understand
2. Try to control your defensiveness
3. Ask questions to clarify
4. Honestly weigh/analyze information
5. Use and apply the feedback
Ability to adapt to a situation with awareness, openness, and focus; and take action guided by your values
ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Training) - uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies alongside commitment and behavioral change in order to increase psychological flexibility
6 parts of ACT matrix
Connection (in the moment)
Being fully aware of your here-and- now experience, fully in touch with what is happening in this moment.
Focus is on present, rather than regrets about past or concerns about future.
What is mindfulness
Paying attention in a particular way,
In the present
Mindful vs. Mindfulness
Mindful: conscious or aware of something or someone
Mindfulness: paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present, without judgement
Connection: being fully aware of your here-and-now experience, fully in touch with what is happening in this moment
Witness or notice
It is distinct from the thinking self (the mind) and the physical self (the body).
It is an unchanging viewpoint from which you see your thoughts, feelings, sensations, roles, etc.
Freedom from self-limiting beliefs.
Interruption of unhealthy and unhelpful thoughts.
state of defusion
* Just words
* May or may not be true
* May or may not be important
* Definitely are not orders
* May or may not be wise
* Are never threats
Originate in the midbrain
Influenced by a complex set
of physical changes:
- Heart rate, circulation, blood pressure, muscle tone, hormone levels, etc.
Subjective to the individual
Physical changes prepare us to take action
Making room for our emotions (perhaps even more than one emotion at a time)
When emotions arise, we acknowledge it, be present to it, and take it in without attempting to change it in any way
4 steps of expansion
N - Notice it
A - Acknowledge it by
M - Make room for the emotion
E - Expand awareness of the influence
Committed Action is mindful, valued,
Allow your values to guide your actions
Do what it takes to live by your values even if it brings up discomfort, resistance, fear, etc.
"Is living into my values important enough for me to overcome my concerns and take action?"
List of all steps that are needed to complete a goal
Differs from "To-Do List"
- The focus is on achieving short, medium, or long term goals
- In alignment with your values
Allows us to finish steps in a sensible order
- One step may have multiple tasks
Ensures we don't miss any key steps
barriers to taking action
F = Fusion with unhelpful thoughts
E = Excessive goals
A = Avoidance of discomfort
R = Remoteness from values
Alignment among members of the group
Alignment vs. Agreement
- May not completely agree with the decision but support the overall goal.
- May not be my favorite option, yet I am willing to live with it and support the effort as if it were my first choice because my values aren't compromised.
consensus into action
1. Set the scene
2. Gather information
3. Agree on the problem
4. Brainstorm solutions
5. Come to consensus on the final solution
levels of engagement
playing to win (90-100%)
▪Take responsibility for life, learning, and results
▪Sustaining a level of engagement over time
▪Often seen as "overachievers"
▪May neglect to empower others
playing not to lose (70-89%)
▪ Focus more on defense than offense
▪ Take calculated risks and play it safe
▪ May be top contributors to the team
▪ May not be the leaders of the group
▪ Hesitant to play "all out"
just playing (40-69%)
▪Do just enough to get by
▪Fear hinders their progress into the
▪Tend to be hard on themselves
▪Often see what is not working, but fear keeps them from addressing it
not playing (0-39%)
▪Don't show up or contribute very little
▪May be playing in other areas
notice adjust evolve
Notice: Assess the Situation
1. What are your
2. What is going well?
3. What isn't going well?
4. What are you doing to contribute to the problem?
Adjust: Address the Problem
After identifying what isn't working:
1. Brainstorm options for addressing it.
2. Make adjustments to improve the situation
3. Create an action plan and timeline for implementation.
Evolve: Was the Adjustment Successful?
Evolution: the adjustment moved the situation forward in a constructive manner and/or solved the problem.
No evolution? Try another adjustment and repeat the cycle.
Notice what is working and what is not working
Make adjustments to improve the situation
‒ Create an action plan and timeline for implementation.
- Ask for help
- Offer support
Based on results, did the situation evolve?
- If not, implement diff adjustment
- Repeat cycle as needed.
The Goal is to WIN: Individual pursues his/her own interests at the other person's expense.
I win; You lose
The Goal is to Find A True Win/Win: Works with others towards a mutually agreeable solution that satisfies everyone's concerns.
I win; You win
The Goal is to Find A Win: Win Where Everyone Gives A Little: Splits the difference between positions, exchanging concessions to find middle ground.
Neutral; we both give
The Goal is to Delay: Doesn't pursue his/her concerns or those of others. Does not deal with conflict. Withdraws.
I lose; You lose
The Goal is to Yield: Neglects his/her own concerns to satisfy others. Self-sacrifices to support others.
I lose; You win
accountability below the line
You feel reactive - things are happening to you
External motivation - when will they change?
Focus on past or avoiding discomfort
Feel not in control and helpless
accountability above the line
Proactive - make things happen
Internal motivation - what can I do to make this better
Feel in control - sense of contribution and ability to influence and change
Focus on solutions, committed action
disposition to meet distress with
self-directed kindness (self-kindness vs. self-
judgement), understand that one is not alone in
experiencing difficulties, and notice any distressing
feelings without getting lost in them (mindfulness)