Terms in this set (129)

more reflective/less directive to less reflective/ more directive
reflective feedback: invites speaker to talk without concern for evaluation
directive responses: evaluate the speakers messages
SILENT LISTENING: staying attentive and nonverbally responsive without offering any verbal feedback
QUESTIONING: occurs when the listener asks the speaker for additional information. open: allow a variety of extended response (ex: how do you feel?) closed:only a allow a limited range of answers. (ex: did you feel angry) counterfeit questions: disguised attempts to send a message not receive one
PARAPHRASING:Deedback that restates in your own words the message you thought the speaker sent matching the content/depth/meaning/lanuage 1.indicates/state interest in understanding 2.identify feeling/emotion using alternative words 3. describe situation/event/facts using alternate words
EMPATHIZING:response style listeners use to show that they identify with a speaker
-percpective taking, emotional contagion, genuine concern verbal responses:" i can seed that really hurts" "wow"
SUPPORTING : responses reveal the listeners solidarity with the speakers situationyea that class was tough for me too"
ANALYZING: listener offers an interpretation of a speakers message
"I think whats really bothering you is..."
EVALUATING: appraises the senders thoughts or behaviors in a way favorable: "that's a god ideaUnfavorable: " an attitude like that wont get you anywhere"
*ADVISING: Allows others to avoid responsibility for their decision (if it doesn't work out can always pin blame on you)
*familiar
1.initiating: intrest in making contact
2.EXPERIMENTING: (uncertainty reduction/ "audition" , kind of info we look for depends on nature of relationship were seeking)
*small talk "do you have a girlfriend"
3.INTENSIFYING (express feelings, excitement, cloud 9)
*shared activities, taking trips together, hanging out with mutual friends, gazing, goosebumps,daydreaming, spend more time together, ask for support, do favors, give tokens of affection, express feelings nonverbally (; , get to know friends and family, try to look more physically attractive
4.integrating (convergence, seen as a unit)
5.BONDING:(public commitment: showing the world relationship exists )
*licensee to be married, engagement, cohabitation,
6.DIFFERENTIATING: (autonomy, "we" to "me")
*restablish individual identities, our weekend plans to what i want to do, change, maintain commitment while creating space for being individuals as well
7.CIRCUMSCRIBING (physical/mental withdraw) (affairs could happen)
*communication quantity/quality decrease, hints of dissatisfaction more evident, less romance, more argument, restrictions, restraints, "my friends", areas of separation limit interaction
8.stagnating (routine, lack of enthusiasm)
9.AVOIDING: (lack of communication)
*distance, expression of detachment, zoning out, avoid involvement, leave the room, ignore their questions, steer clear of touching,superficially polite, hostile, mentally dissasocial: think about other person as less capable or important,
10.terminating (redefined)
*disassociation, can be short or drawn out over time,
1.DENIAL: respond to one end of the dialectal spectrum and ignore the other
*ex:stability-novelty: find struggle for change too difficult to manage and choose to follow predictable
2.DISORIENTATION: feel so overwhelmed and helpless that they are unable to confront their problems, leave relationship,
3.ALTERNATION: choose one end of the dialectal spectrum at some times and the other end at other times
ex: connection-autonomy: alternating between times when they spend a large amount of their time together and other period when they live independent lives
4.BALANCE: recognize that both forces are legitimate and try to to manage them through compromise
ex: predictability-novelty: seek balance by compromising with a lifestyle that is neither as predictable as one wants nor as surprise filled as the other seeks , try to find something that works for the both of you
5. INTEGRATION: accept opposing forces without trying to diminish them
ex:predictability/novelty: once a week do something together they had never done before
ex: autonomy/connection: study while he works on jeep
6. RECALIBRATION: shifting perception, reframing it so that the apparent contradiction disappears. ex: how a couple who felt hurt by anthers unwillingness to share parts of their past might redefine the secrets as creating attractive aurora of mystery instead of a problem being solved result" desire for privacy still remains but it would no longer compete with a need for openness about every aspect of the past
REAFFIRMATION: were gonna have these challenges and its part of being in a relationship. roller coaster relationship view,
(SELECTION: )more complex issue but select parts of the problem to deal with and deny others
MOST PRODUCTIVE; integration ,recalibration, reaffirmation
1. DESCRIPTION VS. EVALUATION
-evaluation: judges what the other person is feeling, doesn't explain how speaker arrived at conclusion, you language, lacks specifics, ex: "your inconsiderate"
-description: no judgement, observations are specific and concrete, behavior that can be changed not personal characteristics, provide info about how speaker arrived at conclusion
2.CONTROL VS. PROBLEM ORIENTATION
- control: sender seems to be imposing a solution on the receiver with little regard for that persons needs/interests, generate hostility, do what as i say and well get along, nothing we say will change their minds
-problem orientation: focus on finding a solution that satisfies bot their needs, everyone wins, we language, make decisions with rather than for other people
3. STRATEGY VS.SPONTANEITY
-strategy: arouse defensiveness, speakers hide ulterior motives, manipulation, dishonestly, counterfeit questions "what are you doing friday after work?"
-spontaneity: honest, set aside hidden agendas that others both sense and resist, direct "i have a piano i need to move friday after work. Can you help?"
NEUTRALITY VS. EMPATHY
neutrality: indifference, lacks concern for welfare of other, imp lie the other person isn't important, "sometimes things just don't work out"
empathy: people show they care for feelings of another, accepting their feelings, putting yourselves in their place," i know you put a lot of time and effort into this project"
SUPERIORITY VS.EQUALITY
superiority: patronizing, I'm better than you,
equality: same amount of worth, positive climate in which ideas are evaluated no on the basis of who contributed them but on the merit of the ideas themselves,
CERTAINTY VS. PROVISIONALISM
certainty: positive their right, their way or the highway, they have all facts don't need more info, disregard ideas of others, lack of regard, "can't, never,always,must"
provisionalism: will change their stand if another position seems more reasonable, "perhaps, maybe, possibly, might, may" open minded messages
;