Terms in this set (129)

more reflective/less directive to less reflective/ more directive
reflective feedback: invites speaker to talk without concern for evaluation
directive responses: evaluate the speakers messages
SILENT LISTENING: staying attentive and nonverbally responsive without offering any verbal feedback
QUESTIONING: occurs when the listener asks the speaker for additional information. open: allow a variety of extended response (ex: how do you feel?) closed:only a allow a limited range of answers. (ex: did you feel angry) counterfeit questions: disguised attempts to send a message not receive one
PARAPHRASING:Deedback that restates in your own words the message you thought the speaker sent matching the content/depth/meaning/lanuage 1.indicates/state interest in understanding 2.identify feeling/emotion using alternative words 3. describe situation/event/facts using alternate words
EMPATHIZING:response style listeners use to show that they identify with a speaker
-percpective taking, emotional contagion, genuine concern verbal responses:" i can seed that really hurts" "wow"
SUPPORTING : responses reveal the listeners solidarity with the speakers situationyea that class was tough for me too"
ANALYZING: listener offers an interpretation of a speakers message
"I think whats really bothering you is..."
EVALUATING: appraises the senders thoughts or behaviors in a way favorable: "that's a god ideaUnfavorable: " an attitude like that wont get you anywhere"
*ADVISING: Allows others to avoid responsibility for their decision (if it doesn't work out can always pin blame on you)
1.initiating: intrest in making contact
2.EXPERIMENTING: (uncertainty reduction/ "audition" , kind of info we look for depends on nature of relationship were seeking)
*small talk "do you have a girlfriend"
3.INTENSIFYING (express feelings, excitement, cloud 9)
*shared activities, taking trips together, hanging out with mutual friends, gazing, goosebumps,daydreaming, spend more time together, ask for support, do favors, give tokens of affection, express feelings nonverbally (; , get to know friends and family, try to look more physically attractive
4.integrating (convergence, seen as a unit)
5.BONDING:(public commitment: showing the world relationship exists )
*licensee to be married, engagement, cohabitation,
6.DIFFERENTIATING: (autonomy, "we" to "me")
*restablish individual identities, our weekend plans to what i want to do, change, maintain commitment while creating space for being individuals as well
7.CIRCUMSCRIBING (physical/mental withdraw) (affairs could happen)
*communication quantity/quality decrease, hints of dissatisfaction more evident, less romance, more argument, restrictions, restraints, "my friends", areas of separation limit interaction
8.stagnating (routine, lack of enthusiasm)
9.AVOIDING: (lack of communication)
*distance, expression of detachment, zoning out, avoid involvement, leave the room, ignore their questions, steer clear of touching,superficially polite, hostile, mentally dissasocial: think about other person as less capable or important,
10.terminating (redefined)
*disassociation, can be short or drawn out over time,
1.DENIAL: respond to one end of the dialectal spectrum and ignore the other
*ex:stability-novelty: find struggle for change too difficult to manage and choose to follow predictable
2.DISORIENTATION: feel so overwhelmed and helpless that they are unable to confront their problems, leave relationship,
3.ALTERNATION: choose one end of the dialectal spectrum at some times and the other end at other times
ex: connection-autonomy: alternating between times when they spend a large amount of their time together and other period when they live independent lives
4.BALANCE: recognize that both forces are legitimate and try to to manage them through compromise
ex: predictability-novelty: seek balance by compromising with a lifestyle that is neither as predictable as one wants nor as surprise filled as the other seeks , try to find something that works for the both of you
5. INTEGRATION: accept opposing forces without trying to diminish them
ex:predictability/novelty: once a week do something together they had never done before
ex: autonomy/connection: study while he works on jeep
6. RECALIBRATION: shifting perception, reframing it so that the apparent contradiction disappears. ex: how a couple who felt hurt by anthers unwillingness to share parts of their past might redefine the secrets as creating attractive aurora of mystery instead of a problem being solved result" desire for privacy still remains but it would no longer compete with a need for openness about every aspect of the past
REAFFIRMATION: were gonna have these challenges and its part of being in a relationship. roller coaster relationship view,
(SELECTION: )more complex issue but select parts of the problem to deal with and deny others
MOST PRODUCTIVE; integration ,recalibration, reaffirmation
-evaluation: judges what the other person is feeling, doesn't explain how speaker arrived at conclusion, you language, lacks specifics, ex: "your inconsiderate"
-description: no judgement, observations are specific and concrete, behavior that can be changed not personal characteristics, provide info about how speaker arrived at conclusion
- control: sender seems to be imposing a solution on the receiver with little regard for that persons needs/interests, generate hostility, do what as i say and well get along, nothing we say will change their minds
-problem orientation: focus on finding a solution that satisfies bot their needs, everyone wins, we language, make decisions with rather than for other people
-strategy: arouse defensiveness, speakers hide ulterior motives, manipulation, dishonestly, counterfeit questions "what are you doing friday after work?"
-spontaneity: honest, set aside hidden agendas that others both sense and resist, direct "i have a piano i need to move friday after work. Can you help?"
neutrality: indifference, lacks concern for welfare of other, imp lie the other person isn't important, "sometimes things just don't work out"
empathy: people show they care for feelings of another, accepting their feelings, putting yourselves in their place," i know you put a lot of time and effort into this project"
superiority: patronizing, I'm better than you,
equality: same amount of worth, positive climate in which ideas are evaluated no on the basis of who contributed them but on the merit of the ideas themselves,
certainty: positive their right, their way or the highway, they have all facts don't need more info, disregard ideas of others, lack of regard, "can't, never,always,must"
provisionalism: will change their stand if another position seems more reasonable, "perhaps, maybe, possibly, might, may" open minded messages