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Lilith: "She Kills Monsters: Virtual Realms" lines
Terms in this set (68)
Narrator: ...And here, in the land of Ohio during the year of 2019, one of the rarest types of geeks walked the earth.
Narrator (Lilith): A Dungeon Master without fear... prejudice... or a penis.
Narrator (Lilith): As average Agnes grew and grew, she became more and more engrossed with transcending her seemingly permanent state of averageness.
Tilly: She's our squads muscle. Whenever you're surrounded by an armada of Ogres, she's the one you want holding the steel. She is a perfect combination of both beauty and brawn.
Lilith: Violence makes me hot.
Agnes: Are you talking about me?
Lilith: Can I eat it?
Tilly: Lilith, you said you were quitting.
Lilith: I said I'd cut down. I've only had two this week.
Agnes: Cut down doing what?
Lilith: Eating the flesh of our enemies.
Agnes: What's an Orcus?
Lilith: Is this your special skill? Asking questions?
Kailope: The entrance to the cave of Orcus is here. But once we reach the cave, neither Lilith nor I can accompany you into it. No magical creatures are allowed into his lair unless they risk being entrapped there forever. Which means...
Lilith: The only support you'll have is Cheerleader Barbie here.
Kailope: Be careful, Tillius.
Lilith: If you run into any trouble at all, remember it's okay to let the dumb one die.
Agnes: You're just lovely, you know what?
Lilith: And you would be delicious with a side of baby.
Start of scene 7, after Vera's scene 6 line: "How."
Lilith: You're not serious about this, love. Do you really want to bring Orcus along?
Tilly: He gave it to Tiamat.
Tilly: Useless. I didn't pull off killing her. I just wounded her in the belly. And now she's stolen my soul for revenge.
Lilith: And you, Orcus, just gave it away?!
Tilly: My friends, I cannot ask all of you to come with me. The journey before us is too perilous and the prize too personal for me to expect you to risk your lives.
Lilith: Tillius, you know as always you have my blade.
Agnes: She's my sister. Of course I'm in.
Lilith: Good. Then let us kicketh some ass.
Kailope: Fight Tiamat.
Lilith: Vanquish the Dragon.
Kailope: Our skills are no match.
Lilith: We need magic. Real magic to defeat her.
Chuck: ...She is defeated.
The party: YES!
Start of Scene 10, after Chuck's line in Scene 9: "Man. That is one dude who really hates D&D."
Lilith: Tillius, the way you risked yourself in that last battle- though noble- could have cost you your life. And for what?
Tilly: This is who I am. I'm tired of holding back.
Lilith: But why risk so much?
Tilly: Because you were in danger. That's why.
Agnes: You two are a couple?
Lilith: Does that upset you, lunch meat?
Tilly: Does that matter?
Lilith: Wow, looks like I'm not the only monster here.
Agnes: I'm not a homophobe.
Lilith: That's not what it looks like to me.
Agnes: Vera! Yo, Vera, we need to talk. VERA! What are you doing here?
Lilith: What do you mean?
Agnes: Why are you here?
Lilith: I'm waiting for Vera. I'm her new math tutor.
Agnes: Hold up. You're real?
Agnes: Sorry, that must sound crazy.
Lilith: No, not at all.
Agnes: Sorry. I'm Agnes-
Lilith: I know who you are.
Agnes: You do?
Lilith: You don't remember me, but we've actually met before. I knew your sister. I mean- we were in the same class. I met you at her...
Agnes: Oh right, her whole class came out.
Lilith: She was awesome. She was really like... the best person I knew. I'm Lilly by the way. Tilly and I were in band together and-
Agnes: Wait, your name's actually Lilly? As in Lilith?
Lilith: It's actually short for Elizabeth-
Agnes: So this was real.
Lilith: What was real?
Agnes: You and Tilly. You two were real.
Lilith: I'm not following-
Agnes: You two dated.
Lilith: WHAT?!? No!
Agnes: Of course.
Lilith: I didn't date Tilly! I like boys. I swear.
Agnes: This explains so much. You two were together.
Lilith: I'm not gay.
Agnes: It's okay, you can tell me.
Lilith: It's not true. It's not true!
Agnes: This is Tilly's girlfriend!
Lilith: No, I'm not!
Kailope: You actually did.
Lilith: The Elf is correct, love. you indeed made Agnes's love companion into a big cube of demonic gelatin.
Tilly: Oh. Sorry. That's clearly so much less lame.
Lilith: Tillius,- though I find you mocking your sister incredibly sexy, shouldn't we, you know, kill this thing before it kills us?
Agnes: Fine. Whatever. It's clearly not my boyfriend, right? You just named him that. Miles isn't actually green, slimy, and cube shaped.
Lilith: So are we going to kill it or not?
Tilly: Oh, I don't think Boss Number Two was actually a Gelatinous cube.
Lilith: It's a shape-shifter.
Agnes: OW! Seriously, are you guys not going to help?
Lilith, Kailope, Orcus, & Tilly (ad-libbing): No, not really. You look like you got in handled. I don't want to step in between a lovers' quarrel. It's really none of my business.
basically just say something along the lines of one of those
Start of Scene 18, after Chuck's line "Don't worry, they're cool. Okay, so you make it over a ridge and-"
Lilith: Agnes, look out!
Miles: So this is Dungeons & Dragons, huh? Neat.
Lilith: Can I eat him? He looks meaty.
Lilith: I wouldn't have.
Agnes: Aw, that sounds cute. Like "Beauty is in the eye of..."
Tilly, Kailope, Orcus, & Lilith: No. Nope. Not the same thing. That thing is ugly. Like just one big scary eyeball with teeth. *
just ad-lib, this line does not have to be perfect
Lilith: They'll kill you, that's why!
Evil Tina: I'm in the mood for... geek.
Lilith: There's only one way we get out of this situation.
Agnes: And that would be?
Lilith: With violence, love. Lots and lots of violence.
Tilly: Lilith, no.
Lilith: I love you, Tillius.
Agnes: Hi. Can we talk? I promise I'm not going to do anything crazy.
Agnes: Look, I'm sorry for freaking out the other day, but- I know you're not gay or was my sister's whatever, but she wanted me to give you something.
Agnes: I left it with your brother, he said he'd put it in your room. It's from Tilly.
Lilith: What does it say?
Agnes: I don't know. It wasn't written to me.
Lilith: Thank you.
Agnes: Have a good day.
Lilith: Wait. (
take a breath
) I, uh... I did know Tilly.
Agnes: I know. You were at her funeral.
Lilith: No, I mean... we were close. Real close. I mean, Tilly wasn't my girlfriend, but... she was the only person I was ever truly open with.
Agnes: You mean...
Lilith: Yes. That's what I mean.
Agnes: So was she...
Lilith: Does it matter?
Agnes: No. I guess not.
Lilith: She was my hero, Agnes. She saved me. Maybe we could have been something more, but... it's all too late now. I did love her. I just wish I could have told her.
Agnes: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lilith: Thank you, Agnes.
Agnes: If he's not, then who is?
Lilith: I don't know, love. Where could you possibly find a monster in this game?
Lilith: I mean, look around, where oh where can all the monsters be?
Kailope: A Dark Elf!
Lilith: A Demon Queen!
Lilith: A Demon Queen!
Lilith, Orcus, Kaliope: Tiamat.
Kaliope: ...and not just some story that I experienced like a party or a dance, but something I dreamt-
Lilith: Something far more personal and important than happenstance. This story came from my soul and by breathing life into it, who knows?
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