Upgrade to remove ads
HTSBIASP - LIsten to Regular Ladies Too - Hamlet
Terms in this set (20)
NARRATOR 1: Let' s say you're a prince
(HAMLET enters, holding a skull, and talking to it) Alas, Poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio. A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. (Looks around) Horatio? ANyone? I guess I''ll just keep talking to myself then. Totally normal thing to do. With the skull of a guy that died twenty years ago. This certainly isn't weird or disturbing at all.
Hamlet: Hey, sweetie
Ophelia: What are you doing out here in the graveyard, talking to a skull?
Ophelia: I thought we could go on a date, things have been so crazy lately-- with all of your...acting crazy
Hamlet: (Laughs a bit, tosses the skull to himself) Yeah it's been so difficult around the palace lately, with my dad being killed and my mom marrying my uncle.
Ophelia: Oh darn it, they found us.
Hamlet: Ignore them, honey.
British Tabloid Reporter: Why doesn't she just throw herself in a pond?
Hamlet: Maybe we should go sneak into a nunnery
Ophelia: Oh man, I hate the papparazi
Hamlet: Don't worry about it, comes with the territory of being a prince (addresses the reporters) Good day chaps! If you give us a minute, I'll let you pick through my rubbish. I think you'll find my lint...fascinating.
Ophelia: They go or i go
Hamlet: BUt baby this is how it works
Ophelia: Not with me, and they hate me Hamlet Listen to me.
Hamlet: Very well, I shall give them letters on the letters I'll write 'Murder me' and then I'll have them deliver the letters to people with very pointy swords. That way they'll all be dead.
British Tabloid Reporter: Shameful behavior from the royal family! I blame Ophelia. She'd odious. Like a bloated slugh that has heaved itself onto the shore of our great nation, oozing pus and reeking of feminism. I for one will not stand for-
(interrupts) Hamlet:Excuse me, I have an announcment!
Hamlet: After careful consideration, I will be stepping back from my role in the monarchy of Denmark. Ophelia and I have decided that we will move to Canada where everything is not so rotten. We are working on becoming financially independent and will be seeking a relationship counselor. Thank you.
British: Controlled by the jealous OPhelia-
Hamlet: Oh sorry, in my last act as prince, I would like you to deliver these letters for me
Ghost: What the heck. boo booooo I am thy father's spirit. Doomed for a certain time to walk the night.
Hamlet: I know, Dad. I don't want to hear it
Ghost: Revenge my foul and most unnatural muder!
Hamlet: NOPE! Not doing it. Me and Ophelia are moving to Canada for free healthcare. We're gonna need a lot of therapy.
Ghost: The serprent that did sting thy fathers life now wears his crown
Hamlet: Yeah, I know, you already haunted me once and explained everything. He poured poison in your ear.
Ghost: IN my ear it was gross.
Hamlet: And then married my mom I get it not cool but you know what this happens in every royal family and I'm done with it.
Ghost: This is a tragedy!
Hamlet: Not anymore!!
Gertrude: Cause you weren't listening
Hamlet: Not to interrupt, but both of you are terrible role-models and I'm happy to be rid fo you
OPhelia: That's why I'm glad my farther is nice
Hamlet: Oh- About that- I may have killed your father accidentally. Just putting that out there.
Ophelia: we're gonna need alot of therapy.
Hamlet: Yup, would you like to deliver a letter of apology?
You might also like...
Monologues for Auditions
The Diary of Anne Frank- Edith Frank
Newsies Act 2
Other sets by this creator
The Princess and the Pea, retold by John Cech
The Murderous Mansion Of Mr. Uno - Charlotte lines
The Vocabulary of Shakespeare
Other Quizlet sets
Judicial RDG Guide
Psych 101 Week 8
Unit 2, Chapter 4, Lesson 1 and 2
Set 15 Year 2015