Intimate Relationships Final Exam 2014


Terms in this set (...)

Need to belong
A drive to maintain regular interaction with a affectionate intimate partner
Do we need quality over quantity in an intimate relationship?
Intimacy is different from causal relationships in 6 ways?
Mutuality- not "I" but "we"
Interdependence influences on another that are?
Timing of Marriage
People are waiting longer to marry than ever before

Mean ages:
1960: W, 20 M, 23
2010: W, 26 M, 28

Some choose
1960: 94% married at some point
Today: 85% will marry at some point
Unmarried couples living together in the same residence
Cohabitation statistics
1960: 5% of adults
Today: 50% of adults
Over 60% of young adults today will cohabit before they marry
Non-marital childbearing
1960: 5% of children born out of wedlock
2009: 41% (all time high)
Teenage childbearing
has declined over the past 20 years

1991: 61.8 births for every 100 adolescents females (ages 15-19)
2009: 26.6 births for every 100

Still higher than many developed countries
Divorce rates
About half of marriages end in divorce
Divorce is less common for couples with a college degree
Women in the Workforce
In 1960 more than 75% of U.S mother stayed home when their children were too young to go to school
40% today
Sex Ratio
The number of men for every 100 women in a given population
High Sex Ratio
more men than women
more sexually gender roles
Low Sex Ratio
fewer men than women
more sexually permissive
a persons biological status typically categorized as male, female, or inter sex
the attitudes, feelings, and behaviors that are given in a culture
gender is a social construction
Sex differences
Men and Women are much more similar than not
Gender Continuum
Instrumental traits
expressive traits
femin trait warm sensitive & warm to others
Androgynous- are higher in both traits
Gender Roles
Patterns of behavior that are considered to be socially appropriate for individuals of s specific sex
Ickes and Barns (1978)
compared to hight masculine and famine
Androgynous got more along than those that are high in expressive and androgynous -------------
Sexual orientation
Extremely similar on most topics
Some noble difference:
less likely to adhere to traditional gender roles
Divid up household chores more evenly
Experience less conflict
Feel more compatible, intimate, and satisfied
Much more similar than different
Attachment Styles
Global orientation toward relationships, characterized by anxiety and avoidance
Learned from constancy and responsive or caregivers
Established in the first 18 months of infancy
In adults we see 2 main themes?
Avoidance of intimacy
Degree to which we are comfortable and relaxed in close relationships
Secure Attachment
Hold positive images of them selves and others
comfortable with intimacy and interdependence
optimistic and sociable
relationship characterized low avoidance and low anxiety
60% of adults
Relationship with intimacy by low avoidance or intimacy
High anxiety about abandonment
Worried about status of relationship
Display neediness and jealousy
20% of adults have preoccupied attachment
Worry about the status of their relationship
2 types of Avoidant Attachment
self Reliant
indifferent/ uninterested in intimacy
Relationship characterized by high avoidance or intimacy and low anxiety about abandonment
20% of adults are categorized as avoidant
Can attachment change?
attachement is learned so it can be unlearned
someone is shaped by their experiences
Ceglian and Gardner (1999)
Divorce rate for marriage is higher for the first marriage
People who marry multiple times are more likely to be avoiding attached and less likely to be ----- attached

(ch 1. s4)
Banse (2004)
Looked at:
individual attachment
partner attachment
the interaction partners' attachment s
Lower Satisfaction (attachment combinations)
Wife secure, husband preoccupied
Wife fearful, husband secure
Higher Satisfaction (attachment combinations)
Wife secure, husband secure
Wife secure, husband dismissing
Big 5 personality traits
degree to which people are prone to high levels of negative emotion such as worry, anxiety, and anger

important in predicting relationship satisfaction
Kelly and Conley (1987)
300 couples over 45 years
10% of satisfaction predicted from neurotism during engagment
less neurotic = happier marriages
Self Esteem
Judgments and evolutions about ourselves
Sociometer Theory
if others regard us positively, self esteem is higher
if others do not associate with us self esteem is low
People with low self esteem
undermine and sabotage relationships
underestimate a partners love for them
over react to imaginary threats
How do we study relationships?
more "impostors" compete for your attention in this field than in others -----------

ch 2 s1
Why research?
Incorrect information has real affects
The way we study things influences the result we get
What do we study? (Questions come from)
Personal experience
Social problems (ex: increase in divorce)
Previous research
Who do we study?
Population- all of the people with the characteristics that one wishes to study
Sampling frame- an accessible section of the target population form which a sample can be drawn
Convenience sample- Participants who are easily available
Representative sample- Participants who resemble the entire population who are of interest
Most studies on relationships use?
Volunteer bias
Different Design
1. Correlational
2. experimental
3. Developmental

ch 2 s1
Data= words, images, or objects
Interviews, observations
Smaller samples
Goal: Describe discover meaning on a deeper level
Dare = numbers and statistics
surveys questioners
Goal: generalizable results

ch 2 s2
Correlational Design
Describes the strength and direction of an association between two variables
Correlation =/ causation
Positive, negative, no correlation
Ex: age and divorce
Experimental Design
Test cause and effect (casual relationships)
Participants randomly assigned to different conditions
Independent variable is internationally manipulated
Ex: attitude similarly and attraction (Byrne and Nelson 1965)
Down side very expensive, take time and effort is really hard to find answeres in a lab
following the same group over a period of time
Participant attrition
the loss of participants over time
Cross sectional
Compares participants from different age groups or time periods
Most common type of development design
asking participants to recall events from the past
can be over years or short periods of time
the more goes by increasing chance of inaccurate memories
1Self serving bias
take credit for out successes, avoid blame for our faults
we expect of others, but don't fell that we do this ourselves
judge that actions of others more harshly
1Reconstructive Memories
combination of what happened then and what we know now
rewritten an revised as we gain new information
memories influence future behaviors and emotions
Mental representation of knowledge
1Relationship schemas
beliefs of what relationships should be like
1Romanticism (relationship belief)
The view that loves should be the basis for choosing a mare
-soul mates
-love at fist sight
-love triumphs all
1What does this mean for relationship satisfaction (romanticism)
experience more love satisfaction and commitment at first after a few months of the relationship belief tend to erode over time
1Dysfunctional (relationship belief)
mind reading is essential
partners can't change
sex should be perfect every time
men and women are different
great relationships just happen
1Destiny Beliefs
If people are meant to be they will be
know right away
have no doubts or difficulties
live happily ever after
when problems arise- less likely to work towards solving them, more likely to end the relationship
1Growth relationship
Happy relationships are the result of the hard work
Resolving conflict and overcoming obstacles make for stronger relationship
Any relationship can succeed with enough effort
Where do we conduct the study?
-Greater control over variables
-Non natural people behaviors may change
Natural environment
-more natural behavior
-less control over the variables
Self report- participants describe their own thoughts feelings, behaviors
Pros: Most common
Cons: Self serving people tend to over estimate their responsibility by positive events in their relationships and underestimate their blame for the bad times
Where do we conduct studies?
-greater control over variables
-No natural
Natural environment
-more natural behavior
-less control over the variables
Self report (data)
Participants describe their own thoughts feelings, and behaviors
Self serving bias (data)
People tend to overestimate their responsibility by positive events in their relationships and underestimate their blame for the bad times.
Social desirability bias (data)
answer in a way they think will be socially acceptable
Experience-Sampling (observation)
Short periods of observation
-Expensive and Timely
Reactivity (observation)
Participants behavior may change when they know they are being observed
Physical measures (observation)
measures of peoples biological change in response 2 social -------------
Archives (observation)
governmental records, newspaper, magazines, photographs, diaries, etc...
-I can't get married
-getting married is not necessary
-getting married is not one of my top priorities
Standford Prison experiment
In 197, a group of young men
Randomly assigned in two groups (prisoners, guards)
The Belmont Reprot
Basic guidelines
-respect the persons
Committee that approves, monitors, and reviews behavioral research involving humans who's priority it is to protect human subjects from physical or physiological harm.
Social Cognition
Process of perception and judgment with which we make sense of our world
First impressions
-We from judgment of others instantaneously
-First 39milliseconds can determine if they're angry
-First 1/10 of a second made judgment of attractiveness, like, and trust
-5 seconds conversation have decided if they're extraverted, conscientious, and intelligent
-Right of wrong first impressions have a lasting effects
-Give us preconceptions about what people are like
-Allows us to make instant judgment for everyone we meet
The primacy effect
-Tendency for the first information we receive about others to carry special weight
Who are the better judges of how long you current romantic relationship will last?
Who is the best predictor o relationship length?
Women's Friends
Positive illusions
seeing our partner best possible light
-emphasize their virtues, minimize their faults
-mix of realistic knowledge and idealize perceptions
-tend to receive our opinions of what we want in an ideal partner to match traits of our current partner
How is Positive Illusions beneficial?
-more likely to judge our partners behaviors in positive ways
-more willing to commit to maintaining there relationship
-enhances self of esteem
-tend to benefit relationships, as long as we are not disillusioned
Explanations for events and behaviors
-observe the same behavior but interpret in different ways
-internal vs external
-stable vs unstable
-controllable vs uncontrollable
Positive Patterns
Happy couples tend to make relationship enhancing attributes
-Negative behavior = external, unstable, uncontrolled
-Positive behavior = internal, stable, controllable
Negative Patterns
Unhappy coupes tend to make distress maintaining attributions
-Positive behaviors = external, unstable, uncontrollable
-Negative behaviors = internal, stable, controllable
Actor observer effects
------------- ch 4 2
Unattractive men
have fewer interactions with women than good looking men
- physical attractiveness has a bigger effect on the social live of man then it does women
Contrast effect
evaluations of attractiveness change depending on your surroundings
Playboy study
-rated photograph of average women less attractive
-rated themselves as less in love
True or False
We may date but we're unlikely to be in a serious relationship with someone who is our of our league or vice versa
Mate value
overall attractiveness as a reproductive partner
high mate value
highly sought by others = higher standard for potential partner
3 universal theme for ideal mates
-warmth and loyalty
-attractiveness and vitality
-statues and resource
Men vs Women (partner)
-When seeking a short term fling, men and women are less picky
-When seeking a more committed relationship men place value on beauty and youth. Women place more value on warmth, loyalty, and resources
*Ture regardless of sexual orientation
Once we evaluate physical attractiveness then what?
-We pursue partners who are likely to return our interest
-Desirability = Attractiveness x probability of acceptence
-3% of people said they would ask someone out without knowing if they would say yes or no
-Best acceptance comes form partners who are selective
Playing hard to get
science says it is not good
Pick up lines
Direct lines 70% of the time it works
Cute lines 24%
What men find attractive (body type)
-WHR 0.7
-U.S. men prefer underweight to overweight, but "normal" is still most attractive
-Larger breast & Longer hair
What women find attractive (body type)
-Broad shoulders & muscles
-WHR 0.9
-But WHR does not matter unless man has a large salary,
-Handsome and poor is not attractive
Society (on attractiveness)
-What we find attractive changes depending on economic and culture conditions
-Thin women are less desirable when food supplies are scarce
-As the US has achieved economic prosperity
Ethnic difference (on attractiveness)
African Americana and Latin women in the U.S
-more likely to be overweight
-more satisfied with their weight than European & American women
-African and Latino men prefer heavier women
Beauty Bias
People who assume that good looking are
-interesting, outgoing, exciting, kind, strong, more likable
And are more likely to have
-happier marriages, social, and professonal
Beauty and Benefits
Beauty is often confused with talent
more likely to make more money attractive employees earn more tips and 5% more unattractive employes earn 9% less
Be promoted
receive better work place evaluations
Ger more lenient punishment in court
Beautiful women
Handsome men
-get more dates
-more tips
-have batter interactions

- receive more smiles
-tend to be more popular and socially skilled
-less lonely and happier
-elicit more talk and positive feelings from others
Con about being attractive
-lied to more often
-more promiscuous
-trust people less
Gender differences (on being attractive)
unattractive women spend just as much time as beautiful women interacting with men
Direct rewards
rewards we receive directly from our interactions with others
-approval affection compliments
-money sex
-good looking
-pleasing personalities
Indirect rewards
subtle benefits we receive from our association with someone
-good genes
-self esteem
Proximity (most important )
-more likely to from relationships with people who are physically nearby
-classroom friendship
-MIT friendship story
-physical proximity and relationships satisfaction
Long distance love
-absence makes the heart grow founder for someone else
-long distance relationships are less satisfying (even for married couples)
-online dating and attraction
Mere exposure
Repeated contact with someone usually increases our liking for them
Moreland and Beach (1991)
-Study class study
-Exposure and attitudes
-If you see someone you don't like, increased exposure does not mean you will like them
so much exposure to something or some that you do not wish for anymore
Take away message
Proximity enhances our feelings about others
Who are you attracted to?
-Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
-average symmetrical faces
-consistent across ethnic groups
-babies show preference towards faces that adults do
baby face, large eye, small nose, small chin, full lips, signs of maturity, prominent cheekbones, and broad smile.
strong, dominate features, board forehead, baby face, (all depends on menstrual cycle)
Happy relationships partners similar in
Important similarities for relationship
Gender Roles
Do opposites attract?
Seemingly dissimilar partner likely have similar mate values
Opposites attract then later in their relationship repel
Perceived similarity vs Real similarity
Fatal attractions a drive to a partner because of a certain quality then when your with them it's the thing you hate the most.
Stimulus- Value Role theory
Stimulus- age, sex, looks
Value- similarity in attitudes and beliefs
Role- agreeing on basics of (housework --------)
when people lose their freedom of acton of choice, they strive to regain that freedom
Romeo Juliet affect
When parents interference make partners more attracted to each other
Closing time effect
When your with them more your are attracted
-single people only
-Individuals in relationships. no
Come from stereotypes, casual knowledge, and prior interaction
Self- Fulfilling prophecies
expectations that are initially false, but evoke behaviors that cause the expectations to become true
Curito and Miller (1986)
Rejection sensitivity vs optimism
Self Perceptions
How we think of our selves influences our interactions with others
all of the beliefs and feelings we have about our selves
the desire for positive complementary feedback
The desire for feedbacks that is consistent with ones existing self concept
Self-Perceptions + Social interactions
-college students preferred who supported their existing self-concept, good or bad
In dating partners
-self enhance is primary motive
In marriage partners
-self verification becomes more important
-marriage shift
Have highly in-flatted perceptions of
-self- worth
-prone to strong self service biases
-react to rejection with anger or aggresion
- less committed in their romantic relationships
Impression management
-the effort to control or influence others impression of us
-involves regulating and controlling information in social interactions
-most people are not dishonest or deceitful
Supplication (Impression management strategies)
presenting ones self as inept or infirm to avoid obligation and to elicit help and support
Intimidation (Impression management strategies)
presenting on self as ruthless dangerous or meaning to get others to comply
Ingratiation (Impression management strategies)
presenting one self favorable to get in a "good" graces and becomes attractive or likable
Self Promotion (Impression management strategies)
recounting our accomplishments, self strate givally showcasing our kills ----------
Self monitoring
ability to adjust one's behaviors to accommodate various social situations
-monitoring the audience and being attentive and responsive
High Self monitoring
have more friends, but have less in common with each of them
-experience more intimacy early in friendships, but friendships are going to be shorter and less committed relationships
Impression Management in close relationships
-we use impression management less for friendship and lovers than for strangers and acquaintances
-decreases the longer we are with out partner
How well do you know your parter?
-not as well as we think we do
-we perceive that our partners are more likely us than they really are
-perceived similarity and understanding liked to greater relationships satisfaction
-more knowledge more accuracy, but we do not become more accurate as time goes on
Partner liability
some traits (extraversion) are more visible than others (neurotism)
Perceiver ability
some judges are better than others
-People in high emotional intelligence
Threatening Perceptions
When being accurate about our partners thoughts of feelings is worrisome, we may be motivated to be interacting
Simpsion Lckes, and Blackstone (1995)
-Unattractive photos = accurate
-attractive photos + closer relationships = more inaccurate
-Pre occupied attachment = more accurate
The interpersonal gap
Senderse intentions ~ effect on listener
happens more in close relationships
Nunverbal Communication
most of communication is nonverbal
Five functions of Nonverbal communications
1. provide information
2. regulate interactions
3. define that nature of the relationship
4. interpersonal influence
5. Impression management
Facial expression
Expression of basic emotions are innate and universal
Display rules
Cultural rules that tell us which emotions are appropriate certain sittuations

1. intensity
2. minimize
3. neutralize: acting fine
4. mask
-but the truth is hard to hide
-subtle differences between feigned and genuine expression
-micro expressions
Eye contact can communicate
-intrest, affection and dominance
Conversational Patterns (gazing)
-40/60 --------
-Visual Dominance Ratio 60/40 rule
Body movement
-meanings vary across culture
-informative (harder to control than facial expression)
-Status and Posture
Status and Posture (high and low)
High status: open, asymmetric posture
Low status: closed, symmetric. compact composer
-firm, long handshakes = more extraverted
-status and touch
-healing power of touch
Interpersonal Distance
-public zone: 12' and up
-Social Zone: 4' to 12'
-personal zone: 1' 1/2 to 4'
-intimate zone: 0' to 18''

Cultural differences
Status and distance
not what people say, but how they say it
-variance in a persons voice such a rhythm, pitch, loudness, and rate
How you can tell when someone is lying?
When verbal and nonverbal communications do not match up, the truth usually lies in the nonverbal communication
Nonverbal Sensitivity
-How good are we at encoding and decoding nonverbal communications
Noller (1981)
-In unhappy marriages, both husband and wives understood strangers better than they understood each other
-positive correlation between nonverbal miscommunication and relationship dissatisfaction
Self Disclosure
The process of revealing personal information to someone in establishing relationships, women tend to disclose more than men
Sex and Gender differences?
gender we are suppose to show more emotion
Coming out of the closet
-happens more often and at artier ages than a generation ago
-aware of sam sex attraction at age 12
-self identify as, gay, lesbian at age 16
-first same sex experience at age 17
-come out to a trusted friend 18
-come out to a parent at age 19
Social Penetration theory (Breath and Depth)
Two aspects of meaningful self disclosure
-Breath: the variety of topic issues
-Depth: the personal significance of the topics discussed
~as the relationship develop, the wedge becomes broader and deeper
When we disclose to others, we want our disclosers to be met with?
Responsiveness: we want others to shoe interest, sympathy and respect
Reciprocity: New partners then to match each others level of happiness
People who self disclose more?...
-are more happier in their relationship
-the more idioms couples use the happier they are
-are healthier
-writing love letters improve physical health
-are more satisfied with life
What we do not tell?
Even the most intimate lovers need privacy
Taboo topics
-past relationships
-sexual histories
- (most common) the current future state of the relationship
Triangle test
watching how lovers response to other attractive people
Enduring test
creating obstacles for lovers to overcome to show their devotion
Separation test
finding reasons to be apart to see how enthusiastic lovers welcome your return
Roots to miscommunication
Interpersonal gap
Bad relationships <=> Poor communication
Kitchen sinking
addressing several topics at once
wandering form topic o topic so that the conversation never stays on one problem long enough to fix it
Mind Reading
assuming to know partners thoughts feelings and motivations
disagreeing and changing topics
Yes butting
pretend to agree only to influence another complaint
Cross Complaining
responding with a complaint with a complaint
Four Horsemen of the apocalypse
attacking a partner personality or character
insults, mockery, hostile hummer
responding with a cross complaint or coveter attack
with drawing into silence
Strategies for better communication
Behavior description
-does focus on specific behavior
-does not involve personality traits generalizations
"I" statements
Active listening
Perception checking
Active listening
perception checking
asking your partner for clarification of there feelings
-communicating respect and recognition of a partners point or view
-note the same as agreeing
-Marker of healthy satires relationships
social exchange theory
social life entails a mutual exchange of desirable rewards with others
basic principles of SET
-both partners much feel like they're setting good deal
-maximize rewards minimize cost
anything positive with get out of a relationship
ex; sex
anything undesirable
ex; physiological burden
Approach motivation
We seek positive experiences (rewards)
Avoidance motivation
we avoid negative outcomes (costs)
Self expansion model
expand interests, skills, experiences
How does social exchange explain relationships formula
Rewards - costs = outcomes
Positive outcomes are not enough
We evaluate outcomes based on our expectations and how all we could do whiteout our partner
Comparison level
-what we believe we deserve
-expectations for our outcomes
-standards: based on our past experiences & satisfaction is based on the relationship
Standards (Men and Women)
Men have low standards for low investment relationships especially men with high self esteem
Women tend to have higher standards for low investment relationships, not if she has low self esteem
Both have higher standers for high investment
Comparison level for Altematives
-evaluation based on how well we could do if prospects are better, we will leave them
-if prospect are worse we are going to stay, even if it's miserable
-college students who monitor their options seem to have shorter relationships
The things you would posse if your relationships ends
-tangible -(staff)
-psychological -(having to start from the beginning)
Key process
-How we make decisions in relationships is abased on the interplay of money factors
Evaluating satisfaction (#1)
-CL compared to outcome
-anytime the outcome is higher than your CL, you should be relatively happy
Evaluating stability
-CLatt compared to outcome
-if your comparison level is higher than your outcome the relationship is not stable
~ex divorce
What is love?
-We have not agreed upon a definition
-so we took to research
Stenberg's Triangular Theory of Love
Proposes three different building blocks for love
Physical arousal and desire excitement, need
feelings of warmth understanding trust support and sharing
feelings of permanence and stability and decisions to maintain relationships
all components are absent (
Stenbergs Types of love = STL)
Liking (
high intimacy, low passion, and commitment
high passion, low intimacy and commitment
Empty Love
High on commitment, low passion and intimacy
(ex: arranged marriage)
Romantic Love
high intimacy and passion, low commitment
(ex: being on vacation
Companionate Love
High intimacy and commitment, low passion
Fatuous Love
high passion and commitment, low intimacy
Consummate Love
High on ALL
focuses on physical appearances and seeks an intense passionate relationships
(Lees love styles = LLS)
"don't hate the player hate the game"
"the best relationship grow out of friendships"
demanding , possessive; full of fantasy and obsession
giving, altruistic, selfless treats love as a duty
logical, practical, shopping list love
Unrequested Love
-loving someone who does not love you back
-happens to men more than women and is more likely to happen with preoccupies attachment
Romantic passionate attraction
80%-90% of young adults
Physiology of love ~ Bio
fondation of love
Physiology of love ~ Lust
drives successful reproduction by providing motivation to make with others
-regulated by sex hormones
Physiology of love ~ Attraction
drives pair bonding by fueling
-dopamine and serotonin levels
Physiology of love ~ attachment
keeps couple together longer to protect the young
-regulated by oxytocin
promotes relaxation and reduces stress realizes by mother during breast feeding. Makes her cuddle and smile at her baby more. Released during physical affection with romantic partner
True or False
Older people or more likely to be physically aroused and negative?
Men and love
-men have more romantic attitudes
-men are less discriminating in sharing their love
Women and love
women feel passionate slowly and are more selective to who they share it
when something is new it is more exciting arousal
Because romantic love typically decreases what does the future hole?
The love that encourages people to marry is not the love that keeps them together
-passion declines, but intimacy and commitment increase as we age.
Attitudes abut sexuality
-less than 25% say that premarital sea is always or almost always wrong
-circumstances matter
Attitudes about sam sex marriage
-43% of adults Americans say sexual relations between same-sex adults is "morally wrong"
-52% say it is "morally acceptable"
-attitudes about origins of sexual orientation
1. Bio influences
2. Result of one's upbringing (learned)
Research Same-Sex
-supports that sexual orientations is biological-based
-no connection between sexual orientation and ability to be a loving and nurturing parent
-similar relational process in same-sex and heterosexual partnership
-evidence that marriage is good for people, including gays and lesbians
Sociosexual orientation
-Collection of beliefs and behaviors that describe our feelings about sex
prefer sex with out closeness and commitment
-more flirtatious and extraverted (more men)
Comparing Across Countries
The US is more sexually conservative than
-Great Britten
Gender differences
-men are more permissive in sexual attitudes
-more likely to endorse sex without love
differences in what men and women regret
-women: things they've done
-men: thing they do not do
Double Standard
-traditionally "permissive" women have been judged more harshly than "sexually experienced" men
-women who initiate casual sex seem warmer than men
~ledd dangerous
~better in bed
-women with STI's are judged more harshly
Timing of 1st intercourse
-average age: 17
-85% by age 20
-95% by marriage
-usually with a friend or someone you know
How many social partners? (middle age americans)
-men tend to exaggerate, women minimize
-men and women may have different definitions of sex
Kinsey (1948-1953)
-Sexual behaviors, thoughts and feelings
-sexual orientation is a continuum
The Kinsey scale
0-6 ~ 0=exclusively hetro. 6= homo.
7= asexual
70% of people fall between 1-5
who has the most sex?
1. cohabiting couples
2. married couples
3. singles
-older people have less sex frequently, but growing population to contract STI's
Gay and Lesbian couples
-gay men have more sex than hetro
-lesbians have less sex than both
Difference in sex drive
-masturbate more
-want sex more and more quickly
-fantasize about sex more
-spend more money on sex (porn and sex toys)
-women as "gatekeeper" of sex
Why do people have sex?
-people identified 237 different ways
-4 themes
1. emotional
2. physical
3. pragmatic: accomplis a goal
4. insecurity
-sexual interactions with nonromantic partners
-usually a friend or an acquaintance
-no expectations of a lasting relationship
-50% incluse oral sex or intercourse
-condoms are used half of the time
-3/4 of college students have hookups
Sex education
Abstinence-plus: how to have sex safely
Comprehensive: it's going to happen, so teach safe sex
Are teens in absence programs less likely to have sex? If they are they less likely to use a condom?
-Teens are not less limey to have sex
-Yes -are less likely to use a condom
Why don't people use condoms
-Underestimate risks
-Illusion of unique vulnerability
-sexual arousal, faulty decision making
-Pluralistic ignorance
-Inequalities in power
-Abstinence education
-Decreased intimacy and pleasure
Pluralistic ignorance
think people like safe sex better
-wrongly assuming that our feelings are different from those of the group
Sexual Satisfaction
-Higher in steady relationships
-Self determination theory
-Traditional gender roles
Self determination theory
sex is most rewarding when it fulfills basic human needs
-autonomy: choice and contort over actions
-competence: feeling confident over actions
Sexual communication
-communicating sexual desire
-communicating sexual preferences (groaning)
-often includes indirect signals, early involves explicit conversation
Master and Johnson (1970)
-watched people having sex
-same sex couples enjoy sex better
-talk more easily and openly about sexual feelings and presences
Darker side of sexuality
-extra-dyadic sex
-21% of women
-32% of men
-more likely if:
~unrestricted SCIOSEXUAL orientation
~gay men
~dissatisfied in current relationship
~not enough sex in current relationship
Online cheating
Sex take 3 broad forms online
1. porn
2. cybersex: sexual chat for the purpose of sexual gratification 45%
3. emotional relationship 35%
-56% of college women experience coercion
-men use more physical force
-women are just as limey to use verbal coercion
Sexual coercion
D institutional of marriage
does society still value marriage
Deinstitufionlization of marriage
-institutional marriage
~procreation of children -expanding kin networks and resources
Companionate marriage (Peak 1950)
-Ozzie and Harriet
-Breadwinner ~homemaker
-Affection ~friendship
-there was love team work
Individualized marriage (1960-today)
-personal growth and self fulfillment
-flexible and negotiable roles
-open communication is highly valuable
Attachment styles
-global orientations toward relationships
-characterized by anxiety and avoidance
-learned from consistency and responsiveness of caregivers
-established in first 18 months of infancy
Avoidance of intimacy
degree to which we are comfortable and relaxed in close relationships
Secure attachment
-hold positive images of them selves an others
-comfortable with intimacy and interdependence
-optimistic and sociable
-relationship characterized by low avoidance of intimacy and low anxiety about abandonment
-60% of adults
Preoccupied attachment
-relationships characterized by low avoidance of intimacy and high anxiety about abandonment
-need others approval
-wrong about the status of their relationship
display neediness and jealousy
-20% of adults
Dismissing attachment
-self reliant
-indifferent/uninterested in intimacy
-relationships characterized by high avoidance of intimacy and low anxiety about abandonment
-scarred of rejection
-don't truts others
-suspicious & shy (also with caregivers not being responsive)
-high avoidance of intimacy and high anxiety about abandonment
-20% of adults are avoident
Can attachment be unlearned
yes attachment can be unlearned because it is learned
Ceglian and Gardener (1999)
-divorce rate for remarriage is higher than for the first time marriage
-people who marry multiple times are more likely to be evidently attached and less likely to be anxiously or securely attached
Banse (2004)
Looke at:
-individual attachments
-partner attachments
-the interaction of partner attachment and individuals attachments
Combinations of attachment (High and low)
lower satisfaction if:
-wife secure, husband preoccupied
-wife fearful, husband secure
high satisfaction if:
-wife secure, husband secure
-wife secure, husband dismissing
Big 5 personality traits
1. openness to experience (trying new things)
2. conscientiousness -time management, caring about feelings
3. extraversion -outgoing
4. agreeableness -how hard to please
5. neuroticism -most negative and most important
degree to which people are prone to high levels of negative emotion such as worry, anxiety and anger
-most important in predicting relationships satisfaction
Kelly and Conely (1987)
-300 couples over 45 years
-10% of satisfaction predicted from neuroticism during engagement
-less neurotic = happier marriages
Self esteem
judgments and evaluations about our selves
Sociometric Theory
-if others regard up positively, self esteem is high
-if others do not associate with us self esteem is low
People with low self esteem
-undermine and sabotage a relationship
-underestimate a parents love for them
-over react to imaginary threats (ex: see boyfriends at a store and you think their flirting when they were not)