45 terms

CFD Final Exam

STUDY
PLAY
Children and Happiness (Wilcox)
- married men and women were equally happy regardless of their parental status
- NEXT is parents who are cohabiting
- single parents are the least happy
= those with a partner have a higher degree of personal happiness raising children
- married parents and cohabiting parents have an equal likelihood of being depressed
- single parents have a higher likelihood of being depressed
- 40% of those who cohabitate will have children
- raising a child is easier when you have someone to share it with
Myths and Realities of Parenthood (1-5)
1. children will turn out well if they have "good" parents
- parents are an important factor in a child's development, but they are only one influence among many, including siblings, schools, the mass media, and the child's peer group
- the goal of parenting must be to instill values and model positive behaviors that children will internalize and use in their lives
2. children are sweet and cute
- although children can be adorable, they can also be selfish and destructive, as well as extremely active. In fact, children possess the full range of human qualities, both positive and negative, that adults must deal with each other
3. Good parents can manage any child, no matter what the child's nature.
- this myth is based on the notion that a human being is born a tabula rasa, a blank slate upon which the environment writes its script, research on infants indicates that to some degree temperament is present at birth
- although the family environment that parents construct for their young is tremendously important, it is not the only influence or the sole determinant of a child's developmental outcome. It is important to note that children also strongly shape their parents' behavior
4. today's parents are not as good as yesterday's parents
- standards for raising children have gotten higher, making the challenge for today's parents even greater. Society now expects parents to be more democratic in their approach, to take the child's feelings into account when decisions are made, and to involve older children in the decision-making process
5. one child is too few
- are both advantages and disadvantages to having one child. One child is less expensive and less demanding, however, parents can sometimes focus too much attention on or overprotect the child, thus limiting the child exposure to peer companions and possibly even causing the child to feel lonely
Myths and Realities of Parenthood (6-12)
6. All parents are adults.
- this is reflected in our nations teenage pregnancy rates, many adolescents unfortunately become parents (10.5% are under 20)
7. Parenthood receives top priority in our society.
- making money receives top priority
8. Love is enough to guarantee good parental performance.
- Love certainly helps parents put up with the many difficulties of childrearing, but success of parenting also requires hard work and good parenting skills
9. Single-parent families are problematic.
- single-parenting can be difficult especially with money issues and stress; however, there are countless strong single-parent families in which children are growing up happy and healthy
10. Parenting gets easier as children get older.
- as children get older, parenting issues change and become more difficult. Adolescence is the most challenging stage for many parents, because adolescents are seeking greater autonomy and freedom from parental control
11. Parenting ends when the children leave home.
- adult children often return home to live after a divorce, a job loss, or some other life crisis. Furthermore parents are often called on to help with the care of their children's children; grandparenting brings joy, but it can also be exhausting
12. The empty nest syndrome leaves many parents lonely and depressed
- while this is sometimes true, many parents enjoy the freedom that comes with not having adolescents at home. The middle-aged parent may get a job or change jobs, travel, or take up a new avocation. After they leave home, adult children are often surprised to watch their parents blossom and enjoy life in a variety of new ways.
What are the effects of child-free alternative (review research findings
- those without children often prepare for their later years by developing a network of friends and relatives to help me their needs. They also learn how to cope with isolation if necessary
- people without children often do very well in their careers. Voluntary childlessness leaves of people with time and energy that can be focused on career goals. A disproportionate number of high-ranking businesswoman and professionals are childless
- studies have found more vital and happy relationships for child free couples then among those with children. This is, in part, because child free couples can devote more time to their marriages because they are more likely to divorce if they do not have a good relationship than what a couple with children
Parenting Styles, what is relationship between parental support and parental control to outcome in children (read carefully)
- higher levels of parental support are related to positive outcomes and children
1. Democratic Style
- parents establish clear rules and expectations and discuss them with the child
- they acknowledge the child's perspective, but they use both reason and power to enforce their standards
- connected to cohesive and structured to flexible
- balanced family systems tend to have children who are emotionally healthier and happier and are more successful in school and life
- children are energetic-friendly behavior, self-reliant, and cheerful; cope well with stress and are achievement oriented
2. Authoritarian Style
- parents establish rigid rules and expectations and strictly enforce them
- parents expect and demand obedience from a child
- structured to rigid and cohesive to enmeshed
- extreme: rigidly enmeshed
- difficult for adolescents
- children are often conflicted and irritable i behavior: moody, unhappy, vulnerable to stress, and unfriendly; lower self-esteem, more behavior problems, less academic achievement
3. Permissive Style
- parents let their child's preferences take priority over the ideals and rarely force their child to conform to their standards
- flexible to chaotic and cohesive to enmeshed
- extreme: chaotically enmeshed (constant change and forced togetherness - not healthy for children)
- children general exhibit impulsive-aggressive behavior; are often rebellious, domineering, and underachieving
4. Rejecting Style
- parents do not pay much attention to the child's needs and seldom have expectations regarding how the child should behave
- structured to rigid and connected to disengaged
- extreme: rigidly disengaged (leaves children feeling uncared for even though they are expected to behave and have many rules to follow)
- children from these homes are often immature and have psychological problems
5. Uninvolved Style
- parents often ignore the child, letting the child's preferences prevail as long as those preferences do not interfere with the parents activities
- connect to disengaged and flexible to chaotic
- extreme: chaotically disengaged (children are left on their own without emotional support and a lack of consistent rules and expectations
- often combined with rejecting styles
- children are often solitary, withdrawn, and underachieving
Need for positive discipline (Doherty & Kindlon)
Doherty
- parents are almost afraid to discipline
- parents are willing to sacrifice their time so their children can have endless opportunities for community and school activities
- identifies ways parents can stand up to their children and take more control of their lives
- believes it is important to balance family time together and the needs of the individual children to achieve their personal goals
Kindlon
- concluded that parents today want to indulge their children emotionally and with things
- felt that he was too lax with his children and did not expect enough from them
- non indulgent parents use TLC -->TIME: they spent more time with their children at supper, after school, and it bedtime; LIMITS: they set firmer limits and expected more of the child in a variety of areas; CARING: they took an interest in all aspects of the child's life
- Non-Indulgent Families also shared four traits: families frequently ate dinner together, parents were not divorced or separated, children were required to keep their rooms clean, children did community service

- being more indulgent and lenient can be problematic when carried to extremes
Corporal punishment and its consequences
Straus
- found that more men (58%) then women (44%) recall being hit as adolescents
- adolescent sons are almost equally as likely to be hit by their fathers as by their mothers, where as adolescent daughters are about one third more likely to be hit by their mothers
- percentage of Americans who approve of corporal punishment declined from 94% in 1968 to 68% in 1994
- approval of corporal punishment is more common among African-Americans, men, people who are less educated, older age groups, and individuals living in the southern United States
- believes that all forms of physical punishment have long-term, harmful consequences, not only for children and parents specifically but for society as a whole. By teaching the young that big people have the right to hurt smaller people, spanking contributes in some degree to the relatively high level of violence in American society
- found that the more corporal punishment experienced by the child, The greater the tendency for the child to engage in antisocial and impulsive behavior, and this pattern may contribute to the level of violence in other crime in our society; also more likely to hit a spouse
- more corporal punishment teenagers received, the more depressive symptoms they had as adults
- also, adults whose parents hit them a lot as adolescents were more likely to have suicidal thoughts
- spanking does not work better than other modes of correction and control, including time out, explaining, and depriving a child of privileges
- spanking also slows mental development and lowers the likelihood of the child doing well in school and college
- fifteen nations now prohibit spanking
Gay and Lesbian Parenting
- 25% of couples raise a child ( 39% of lesbians, 22% gays)
- APA says there is no difference in the children's adjustment, achievement, and overall well-being between the two groups
Four Conclusions About Same-Sex Parenting
1. when comparing lesbian mothers and gay fathers, few differences were found with children raised my heterosexual parents
2. children of lesbian and gay parents are not confused about their gender identity and were not more likely to be homosexual
3. there were no differences between children in cognitive abilities, behavior, and emotional development in the two types of families
4. there appears to be little difference in the parenting style and effectiveness of same-sex parents compared to heterosexual parents
- more lesbians use insemination
- more gays are adopting
- lesbian parents are very committed to creating a strong family; also concerned about the social challenges that their children will face having same-sex parents (some adolescents have felt embarrassed about their same-sex parents---especially among peers)
Co-Parenting (review research findings
- shifting view of men and women in the parenting role
- more mothers are working outside the home, and more men are sharing in parenting tasks
- co-parenting = the process by which mothers and fathers coordinate and support one another's parenting efforts
- some share responsibilities equally, but most don't divide up the tasks equally
- flexibility is the key
- greater satisfaction with their marriage, better relationship with children
- important because it brings father into family on an emotional level
- can help men learn how to attend to the emotional needs of others (often been neglected because in our culture we tend to socialize men for competition, not cooperation)
- problem: sometimes marriage gets lost in shuffle
Strengthening marriage during the middle years
- establish priorities early in marriage, with the spouse at the top of the list. Do not allow parenthood to overshadow the marriage.
- be alert for warning signs of marital problems, which include nagging, sarcasm, possessiveness, criticism, and personal discontent
- strive toward equality in all aspects of the marriage. Each partner should feel important and powerful.
- seek a balance between togetherness and personal growth; either extreme can be harmful to a marriage
- good sex in a relationship in the middle years does not come naturally; it is a result of a positive daily life together
- develop a network of friendships with other couples who are concerned about maintaining a quality marriage
- evaluate the marriage from time to time and attend a marriage enrichment workshop
- avoid boring or frustrating work situations; a midlife career change may be beneficial
- consider a lifestyle change rather than a partner change and middle-age to add pizzazz to the marriage
- A happy marriage is the key to a content spouse. The best way to deal with infidelity is to prevent it from occurring
Divorce in Middle and Later Years
- couples who got divorced later in life found the participants emerged from the difficulties of divorce far happier and emotionally healthier
- 66% women asked for divorce
- 41% of men asked for divorce
- more men were caught off guard by the coming divorce than women
- men were likely to remarry sooner
- AARP Study found causes of divorce at midlife and beyond are:
+ verbal, physical, or emotional abuse (34%) (highest)
+ feel in love with someone else (10%)
+ Abandonment (10%) (lowest)
Empty Nest, Spacious Nest, or Cluttered Nest
- feeling of malaise, emptiness, and lack of purpose that parents sometimes experience when children leave the home
- some are sad and need a period of adjustment; however, others feel a boom
- gives parents more time and energy to invest in their marriage
- spacious nest = positive aspect of empty-nest; more room in the home for the parents' things--and more money and time in the marriage for each other
- boomerang kids = adult children who return home for economic reasons, because of divorce, the need to find a safety net, extended education, drug/alcohol problems, or during a temporary transition period
- more young adults are postponing marriage or are marrying and divorcing
- cluttered nest = occurs when adult children return to the parental nest to live after college graduation while they get established professionally and financially and save enough money to move into their own apartments or homes
Grand Parenthood (pay attention to survey data and summary of current research)
- 65 or older --> 75% have living grandchildren
- the first grandchild is usually born when grandparents are in their early or mid-40s, with 1/3 of one's life being spent as a grandparent
- 3/4ths of grandparents have contact with their grandchildren weekly
- research has shown that the resulting emotional closeness continues into adulthood if grandparents have provided support for grandchildren as they go through difficult times, especially when these life events occur before 12 years of age
- research has also found that the relationship between grandparents and grand children is related to the strength of the relationship between a parent and hist or her own parent
Thiele and Whelan
1. grandparents' attitudes and expectations - this role is ambiguous, and grandparents have little control over how it plays out. There may be an expectation that there will be frequent contact with their grandchildren and that may or may not happen
2. grandparent behavior - there is no single way for grandparents to behave. in some cultures where the elderly are viewed as authority figures, the relationship with grandchildren may be very formal. In other cultures, the expectation is that grandparents are fun loving and warm.
3. Symbolic meaning of grandparenthood - some grandparents view their role as a source of status. Others view their role as emotional self-fulfillment. Still other see the grandparent role as their opportunity to be a teacher to the next generation.
4. Grandparent satisfaction - how enjoyable or how happy grandparents are in their role varies. The vast majority are very satisfied and happy with their role, but a small minority are not. The greatest satisfaction seems to come when involvement is moderate, not detached, but not providing custodial care.
- in some cultures, grandparents pass down traditions and knowledge that could go extinct if the grandchildren aren't informed
Common Myths about Old Age (1-4)
1. At 65, you're "Over the Hill"
- attitude has a good deal to do with how "old" one is
- positive attitudes generally lead happier and more fulfilling lives in their later years
- symptoms of disease, NOT normal aging: cognitive impairment, falling, dizziness, loss of bladder control, and loss of appetite
2. Most Older Adults Are Poor
- typical oldest age household had 47 times as much net wealth as the typical household headed by someone in the youngest age group
- nearly half of all elderly Americans will encounter at least 1 year of poverty or near poverty between the ages of 60 and 90
- 58% of those between 60 and 84 will at some time fail to have enough liquid assets to make it possible for them to weather an unanticipated expense or downturn in income
3. Older Adults Are Not Interested in Sex
- sexual activity declines with age
- men are more sexually active
- women less likely to be in a marriage or other intimate relationship, or more likely to have lost their sexual partner through death, which affected their level of sexual activity
- 54% of 75 to 85 were having sex 2-3 times per month; 23% had sex once per week or more
- 50% of men 75-85 had masturbated in the last 12 months; 25% of women had masturbated
- 1/7 men reported taking medication to improve sexual functioning
- some medications decrease sex drives (men reduced by 1/2; women decreased, but not that dramatically)
4. Older Adults Are Usually Sick
- even in the advanced stages of old age an overwhelming majority have little functional disability, and the proportion is going down
- chronic conditions tend to accumulate over time and older adults commonly suffer from sensory losses, but this doesn't stop them from living a active, healthy life
Common Myths about Old Age (5-8)
5. Older Adults Become Senile
- assuming that memory loss or change in behavior in older adults is a function of age can cause one to overlook a disease that might be successfully treated
6. Most Older Adults End up in Nursing Homes
- 4/5 elderly with long-term care needs live in the community
- only 1/5 persons with such needs lives in a nursing home
- multiple reasons for nursing home: advancing age, a greater level of chronic disabilities, deteriorating mental physical capacities, living alone, or lack of family members to provide help, female gender (women tend to outlive husbands and end up alone), white race (whites are twice as likely to enter nursing homes as blacks), and time spent in a hospital or other health facility
- 3/4 nursing home residents are 75+
- 7/10 are women
7. Most Older Adults are Lonely
- researchers found that loneliness increases with age, some have found that it decreases with age, and some have found that they have no link to each other
- likely to increase as family and friend networks become smaller
- loneliness has increased, but in adults ages 40-50
8. Older Adults Are Isolate from Younger Family Members
- more than 1/2 of all people over 65 who have children live either in the same household with an adult child or in the same neighborhood as a child; contact with other family members, especially adult children is rather frequent
- in short, it appears that older people are not isolated from younger family members and that these contracts are generally happy ones
Family Life in Later Years (be sure and read introduction)
- older men (especially married) are happier than younger men
- older men seem to regulate their emotions more effective and are more able to maximize the positive and minimize the negative
- 2001: gap between men and women was 5.4 years and the average longevity was 74.4 for men and 79.8 for women
- life satisfaction generally peaks around age 65 in men
- men with high levels of extroversion correlated with high levels of life satisfaction and relative stability in life satisfaction over the years
- people tend to get happier as they get older
- because of increased life expectancy, American society is growing older
- people over the age of 65 in the US make up 12.9% of the total population (about 1/8 Americans)
- by 2030, projected 72.1 million - will represent 19% of the population
Cross-Cultural Perspective on Couples and Family Stress
1. All stressors either begin or end up in the family.
- no matter what the origin of a stressor, it eventually affects the couple and family system and all of its members
2. Families from all cultural groups experience couple and family stress.
- All couples and families experience and understand the concept of stress, while the causes of stress and types of issues that are most stressful may vary by cultural group
3. To manage their stress, couples and families tend to first use internal resources (those inside the family system) before seeking external resources (those outside the family system)
- seek help outside only after internal resources have proven to be inadequate
4. In many cultures, the extended family system is considered "the family" rather than the nuclear family system. In families with strong extended family structures, the major resources come from inside the extended family, while fewer resources come from the nuclear family.
- for this reason, many researchers and practitioners believes the extended family system, when functioning well, can be much stronger and more resilient than a nuclear family system, which may be weak and isolated from sources of support
5. All couples and families have some internal strengths for managing stress in their systems.
- by building on a strengths model, we will be able to more clearly identify useful coping strategies across cultures
Top Five Stresses for Couples (Table 14.2)
Dating Couples
1. My Job
2. Feeling Emotionally Upset
3. Inadequate Income
4. Your Partner
5. Job Security
Engaged Couples
1. My Job
2. Financial Concerns
3. Cost of Wedding
4. Lack of Exercise
5. Lack of Sleep
Married Couples
1. My Spouse
2. My Job
3. Feeling Emotionally Upset
4. Inadequate Income
5. House Projects Undone
Reuben Hill on Family Crisis
ABC-X Model
- A = the stressor event
- B = the family's crisis-meeting resources (adequate financial resources, access to health care, strong connections at work, etc)
- C = the definition the family gives to the event (positive thoughts)
- X = the crisis
- Stressor = a situation for which the family has had little or no prior preparation
- Crisis = any sharp or decisive change for which old patterns are inadequate or "a turning point in life"
- Ex - Mother gets hit by a speeding driver running a red light while driving to work one morning
- "Why do some families fail in a crisis and some families succeed?"
- ABC-X Model helps us understand that it is not just the stressor event but the interaction of the event with the family's strengths, the resources they can tap, and how they think about the situation that all combine to determine how severe the crisis will become in their lives
National Survey of Domestic Violence (text and table 14.4)
- couples in nonabusive marriages had lower levels of alcohol use and abuse, had less abuse from their parents, and saw less abuse between their parents
- couples in nonabusive marriages were more assertive, had higher levels of confidence, less often avoided issues, and less often dominated their partners
- nonabusive marriages had higher levels of couple closeness and flexibility, better communication and conflict resolution, and a more supportive family and friendship network
- nonabrasive married couples had a much stronger marriage relationship in almost all the major dimensions compared to abusive marriages
National Survey of Spouse Abuse
- nonabusive (61%); only wife abusive (8%); only husband abusive (17%); volitive (both abusive ) (13%)
- greater levels of alcohol use meant a higher level of partner abuse
- volatile couples saw more abuse between their parents, more abuse by their parents, and more abuse by others
- abused spouses had lower levels of assertiveness and self-confidence and higher levels of avoidance and partner dominance
- nonabusive marriage had significantly higher levels of couple closeness, communication, family and friends, personality strengths, couple flexibility, and effective conflict resolution
- there are five couple types based on the ENRICH inventory: vitalized, harmonious, traditional, conflicted, and devitalized (with ranges from high couple satisfaction to low satisfaction)
- levels of abuse were highly related to the five couple types: vitalized (5%), harmonious (11%), traditional (20%), conflicted (48%), and devitalized (73%)
Incidence of Child Abuse
- maltreatment down 19% since 1993
- 1/58 children experienced abuse from 2005-2006 --> 44% abused (24% sexually abused) and 61% neglected
- girls are more likely to be sexually assaulted than boys
- children under 2 years of age were less likely to be abused than older children (may be an issue of underreporting since younger children are not usually in school and may not be identified by education personnel as abuse)
- black children were more likely to be abused that white or hispanic children
- children not enrolled in school were sexually abused more often than those enrolled
- children living with parents who were employed experienced a lower rate of abuse than those who's parents were not employed
- children living in low-income households (below $15,000/year), had the highest rate of maltreatment (five times the rate of other children)
- children with both biological parents had the lowest rate of child maltreatment, and those living with a single parent who was cohabiting had the highest rate, which was eight times higher
- families with more than four children and only-child families had the highest rates of abuse
- the lowest rates were in families with two children
- rural children were more likely to be abused than urban children
- not being employed and low income --> increased stress and decreased resources --> increase in child abuse and neglect
- majority of the abused or neglected children were maltreated by a biological parent (especially biological mothers)
- sexual abuse was more often committed by males
Sibling and Child-to-parent Abuse (research findings)
Sibling Abuse
- the physical, emotional, or sexual abuse of one sibling by another
- physical abuse can range from mild such as pushing and shoving to very violent such as using weapons
- has both immediate effects and long-term consequences that can last into adulthood
- quite common
- 3/100 children are dangerously violent toward a brother or sister
- the number of assaults each year to children by a sibling is about 35 per 100 kids
- if one child is always the victim and the other is always the aggressor, it is an abusive situation
- signs of abuse include: one child always avoids the other sibling; a child exhibits changes in behavior, sleep patterns, eating habits, or has nightmares; a child acts out abuse in play; a child acts out in sexually inappropriate ways; the children's roles are rigid, with one always the aggressor and the other the victim; and roughness or violence between siblings is increasing over time
- can be prevented by: reducing the rivalries between the children; setting ground rules to prevent emotional abuse and sticking to these ground rules; not giving older children too much responsibility for younger children; setting aside time to regularly talk with the children, one-on-one; win-win to intervene in the children's conflicts, to prevent an escalation of abuse; learning how to mediate conflicts; modeling good conflict solving skills of the children; modeling nonviolence; teaching the children to own their own bodies; teaching them to say no to unwanted physical contact; creating a family atmosphere where everyone is comfortable talking about sexual issues and problems; keeping an eye on the children's media choices; and, in some, keeping actively involved in the children's lives and knowing what they're doing
Child-To-Parent Abuse
- has received little attention by mental health professionals
- 57% physical abuse; 22% verbal abuse; 17% the use of a weapon, usually a knife or gun; throwing items 5%
- 11% of the children under the age of 10 physically abuse their parents, and this percentage stays steady for boys over age 10. For girls it drops to 7%
- mothers are five times more likely than fathers to experience severe physical abuse from their children, in the highest rate of abuse occurs in families with a single mother
- mothers are abused more often then fathers probably because they are not physically as strong and because they are commonly viewed as acceptable targets for aggression
- mothers who have been abused by their husbands are more likely to be abused by their children
- teenagers who were once victims of parental violence often grow up to fight back
- many situations reported in which an adult child physically or emotionally abuses her or his elderly parents
- many treatment programs are available to help people find positive and satisfying ways to relate to one another across the generations
Impact of Divorce on Adults (Hetherington & Kelly)
- problems that could occur include: having major responsibility for children as the custodial parent, decreased contact with children for the noncustodial parent, difficulty dealing with reduced income, decreased social support, and potentially continue conflict with the ex-spouse over child support or custody issues
- those who see their single hood as an opportunity for personal growth, rather than a tragedy, will adjust more readily and successfully to life after divorce
Hetherington & Kelly:
*- the majority of adults (70%) who divorced felt that they were doing at least as well or better than before the divorce
- 6 different styles of adjusting to the divorce
- the first three types (70%) were doing better, and they were called the enhanced, competent loaners, and good enough
+ the enhanced type (20%) felt that the divorce help them focus on their strengths and develop themselves more fully
+ the competent loaners (10%) never remarried but lead rather full and happy lives as single person's
+ the largest group was the Good enough's (40%), who felt the divorce was like a speed bump, but that they were survivors and it did not negatively impact their lives
- less than one third of the adults (30%) felt their lives were more negatively impacted by the divorce
+ the seekers (13%) felt that remarriage brought them the security and meaning that they wanted in their lives
+ the libertines (6%) coped by living life in the fast lane and not focusing on the past but enjoying the present
+ the defeateds (11%) were most negatively impacted and experience poverty, depression, drug abuse, and bitterness
Impact of Divorce on Children (Hetherington and Kelly??)
- estimated that 40% of all children will experience divorce before reaching adulthood
-75-80% of 2,500 children were doing rather well 6 years after the divorce
- a major factor in children's adjustment is how well the parents deal with the divorce
- more trauma to children who didn't know it was coming; other children who's parents fight were relieved and welcomed divorce
Sole and Joint Custody Arrangements
Sole Custody
- one parent has custody
- children live with that parent in the primary home
- second parent may/may not have visitation rights
Joint Custody
- one child, two homes
- physical custody = child spends about equal time with both parents
- shared legal custody = child spends more time with one parent, but both parents are involved in the child's life
- can be successful only if both parents are willing and able to work together int he best interests of the child or children
- has been found to have more positive outcomes for children
- adjustment was more positive, children had fewer emotional problems, higher self-esteem, better school performance, and more positive relationships than children under sole custody
- does not work when one parent is abusive, has emotion problems, or has a noncooperative attitude
- parents in joint custody reported less conflict and did not spend much time arguing over issues related to the child
- joint custody parents report less stress
- joint custody parents have more time to pursue their own interests
- parents are more likely to come from a devitalized or burned-out marriage; they are likely to neither love nor hate each other but are able to deal rationally with each other
Split Custody
- one parent has sole custody of one child and the other parent has sole custody of the other
Single Parent Families (read everything, give special attention to types of co-parenting relationships (Kelly) and single parent fathers) (pay attention to contact with their children)
- higher rate of single parenthood for blacks than whites
- 1960 9% lived with one parent; 2008 26% lived with one parent; the majority being headed by mothers
- 18% being raised by fathers
- the increase in single-parent families has resulted form divorce, cohabitation, and births outside of marriage
- children born to cohabiting couples account for the largest increase in single-parent families
- unless there is abuse or neglect on the part of the noncustodial parent, most children want to have a relationship with both parents
- generally, the quality of the parent-child relationship, the amount of contact, the amount of active involvement, and the type of parenting provided a related to more positive outcomes for children--> this involvement usually results in fewer behavioral problems, better communication skills, and better academic performance
Kelly and the Three Types of Co-parenting Relationships
1. Conflicted Co-parenting
- 1/4 of parents
- couples experience frequent conflicts and poor communication and focus more on their own needs than their children's
2. Parallel Co-parenting Relationships
- 1/2 of parents
- have low conflict with each other but have limited communication regarding parenting issues
- parent children when they are with them but have limited involvement when the children are with the other parent
3. Cooperative Co-parenting
- 1/4 of parents
- involves planning together for their children's lives and supporting each other in their parenting roles
- children from this category seem to be most resilient
FATHERS
- often have less time with the child and are typically the noncustodial parent
- father relationship has important implications for the child's development
- if they are paying child support, they are more likely to be spending time with their children
- fathers who were once married to their children's mother are also more likely to be involved in their children's lives
- hostility over a separation or divorce is also directly related to involvement with their children
- moving away, especially 75+ miles can affect time with children
- remarriage or having a new romantic relationship can also affect time together
1. Fathers rely on others for support.
- noncustodial fathers relied more on relatives and ex spouses for support
- custodial fathers relied on romantic partners for parenting support
- helped fathers buffer the daily stresses of role overload
2. Shared physical placement supports the father-child relationship long term
- fathers who have shared placement are likely to continue to maintain the initial shared physical placement 3 years later
3. Close relationships with mother are related to close relationships with the noncustodial father
- children are more likely to have a close relationship with their noncustodial father if they had a close relationship with their mother
4. Relationships with children have positive effects on the father's well being
- increased commitment to fathering led fathers having more religious participation, improved well-being, and increased work hours
- relationship between parent and child is beneficial to both parent and child
Children in Step Families
- children in step families are more likely to experience emotional and behavioral problems than children in nuclear families
- for many children a remarriage is more stressful than the parents' divorce
- difficult because children often need to share space and attention with new step-sibilings, develop relationships with new sets of extended family members, develop a new relationship with a stepparent, adjust to new ways of parenting, and adjust to multiple losses
- the new couple relationship may be romantic and exciting and leave little time to focus on the needs of the children
- it would be helpful for parents to be understanding of the multiple stresses, because of the children's needs are being met, it is more likely the couple relationship can prosper
- many children in stepfamilies become adopted by a non-biological parent
- helpful for both parents and children to attend step-family education
Building Step Family Strengths, Especially Guidelines for Stepparents
- step-parents often find themselves either over idealized by their stepchildren early in the relationship or the victim of displaced hostility
- "blood is thicker than water" - biological family bonds are hard to break
- shutting down the dream of their parents getting back together, remarriages can cause despair and bitterness toward the stepparent
- if a step parent does not recognize the stepchild long-standing bonds with the biological parent and move carefully, the stepparent can end up in a very difficult love triangle
- stepparents must avoid the tendency to try to hard; bonding takes a good deal of time
- adolescents, in particular, are often not very open to including an "outsider" in their family
- the stepparent needs to avoid the trap of trying to replace the former parent
- stepparents must also avoid favoritism in dealing simultaneously with their real children and their stepchildren
- stepparents also need to develop skills in dealing with complex financial realities in their new families; money problems are common in stepfamilies, however, no one wants to talk about them until they are married, which can be problematic
Financial Principles
- financial problems are usually behavior problems rather than money problem
+ problems don't come from lack of money, but how you choose to spend it
- Nothing (no-thing) is worth the relationship
+ quality time vs getting a new toy
Readiness For Parenthood
- they may not know, but they want to learn
- helps nurturing and can form bonding (attachment)
1. Intent of Parenthood
- the extent of which I want the baby
2. Timing in Terms of Life Goals
- more likely to happen when pregnancy is unexpected
3. Financial Security
4. Stability of Relationship
Effective Parenting
integration of all three
1. Positive Attitudes
- caring, respect, do you enjoy kids?, understanding patiences
2. Knowledge
- appropriate parenting practice
- recalls
- importance of routines and schedules
- first aid/CPR
- nutrition
- resources available
- developmentally appropriate
+ parents have unreal expectations
3. Skills
- ability to apply knowledge
Authoritarian
- strict
- controlling the child's behavior
- little effort is devoted to explanations of reason
- respect for authority
- child not encouraged to express thoughts and feelings
- what ever means necessary to maintain control
2 extremes
- when kids go into adulthood --> rebellion agains authority (boss, police, etc) and difficulty making decisions
- women fall into submissive relationship where man controls relationship
Permissive
- indulgent or neglectful
- responding to the child as a unique individual and encouraging autonomy
- child regulates their own behavior
- avoids the exercise of control
- influences the child's behavior through reasoning and manipulation
Meyer
- young children make most of their decisions
- avoid control
- attempt to influence behavior through reasoning and manipulation --> guilt and buying toys
Authoritative
- values discipline, self-reliance and uniqueness
- encourages verbal give and take, but parent remains in control
- discipline includes reasoning, reinforcements, and natural and logical consequences
- nurture self-concept
Marital Satisfaction (U-Curve)
High Newlyweds retirement
\ >
\ /
\ /
\ /
> Low /
Children/Transition to parenthood
CLA = Comparison Level of Alternatives
- evaluate based on friends and family relationships
- the lowest level of outcomes a member will accept in the light of alternative opportunities in the way it could be
- better predictor of staying or going = their alternative options
Outcome
= rewards-costs
- refers to what is actually happening in the relationship
Quadrant 1
- top left
- alternatives > outcomes
- experience > expectations
- CLA, Outcome, CL
Quadrant II
- bottom left
- I'd rather be on my own
- anything has to be better than this
- high rate of divorce
- unhappy
- knows they can do better
- CL, CLA, Outcome
Quadrant III
- top right
- outcome > expectations
- relationship > alternatives
- Outcome, CL, CLA
Quadrant IV
- bottom right
- expectations aren't being met, but you don't think you could do better
- "settling"
- CL, Outcome, CLA
What Moves Couples to Break Up (Falling in Love in Reverse)
marital alternatives are a better predictor of divorce than marital satisfaction
- things trying to pull you out
Factors Affecting Separation
Length of Marriage
- our minds think: the longer it is, the harder
- NOT TRUE
Factors Impacting Children's Experience of Parents Divorcing (2 Most Critical)
1. Quality of relationship with both parents
2. Nature of family relationship before and after divorce (especially important is how co-parents get along)
Remarriages
- remarriages of divorced people with children are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages
+ you would think people would learn from their mistakes
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