Close Relationships Exam 3

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Outcome (equation)Outcome = Rewards - CostComparison Level (CL)The value of outcomes we've come to believe we deserve. i.e. What we expect from a partner based on what we think we deserveSusie has had very rewarding relationships in the past, would Susie have a high or low CL?HighMax has only had toxic and draining relationships, would they have a high or low CL?LowOur ___________ of our relationship is measured by our CL.satisfactionRelationship happiness is dependent on what?How far the outcomes surpass the CL.You expect your partner to do the dishes and the laundry. Every week this month your partner has cooked dinner, done the dishes, and walked the dog. They have not once done the laundry. Are you satisfied with your relationship?No, even though the relationship is a net positive, if it is not meeting your expectations it is falling short of your CL. Even if you're still making a profit on your dealings with others, you may not be happy if the profit isn't big enough to meet your expectations.Calculation for Satisfaction/DissatisfactionOutcomes - CL = Satisfaction or DissatisfactionComparison Level for Alternatives (CLalt)the outcomes you'd receive by leaving your current relationship and moving to the best alternative partnership available.CL vs CLaltCL = What our partner provides versus our expectations CLalt = What a new partner can provide versus our current partnerMae is in a stable and happy relationship. Mae meets Fran, who could give Mae more than her current partner. According to the Interdependency Theory will Mae stay in her happy relationship or leave it for Fran?Leave it for Fran. According to the theory we seek the Best possible outcome and will leave a happy relationship for a better one.Geralt is unsatisfied with his current partner, but is a stay at home parent with little exposure to other potential partners. Is it more likely that Geralt will leave his current unhappy relationship or stay given the circumstances?Stay. According to the Interdependency Theory we stay in unhappy relationships until a better (more socially profitable) option presents itself.Why do people stay in unhappy relationships?They think they will be worse off if they left, until they think a bigger reward is presented elsewhere.What determines our dependence on our relationship?Our CLalt: the greater the gap between our current outcomes and lesser alternatives the more dependent we are.What affects our CLalt?Our perceptions: people with lower self esteem underestimate their chances with other partners so this lowers the CLalt. Also people with less access to other potential partners have lower CLalt.Who has a higher CLalt? Kay, works at home and cares for her infant Kimmie, is a bartender four nights a weekKimmie, she is exposed to more potential partners than KayAre we more or less likely to evaluate potential outcomes with others if we are content in our current relationship?Less, those in content relationships are less likely to be looking for a better partner. The grass may be greener on the other side, but if you're happy you're less likely to notice.CLalt (equation)CLalt = costs of leaving - enticements offered by othersDependence or Independence (equation)Outcomes - CLalt = Dependence or IndependenceKathy is unhappy with her marriage. She is a stay at home mom with two kids with no independent source of income. Her family looks down on divorce. She doesn't have much oppurtunity to get out of the house and meet other adults. Is Kathy's CLalt high or low and is she likely to leave her marriage?Her CLalt is low, she has more to lose than to gain by leaving. She in unlikely to leave her marriage until some other factor changes.Kathy is unhappy with her marriage. She is a stay at home mom with two kids with no independent source of income. She's met a man who can offer her more than her current partner. She also just finished a college degree and is ready to join the workforce. Is Kathy's CLalt high or low and is she likely to leave her marriage?Her CLalt is high, she has more to gain by leaving than staying. She is likely to leave.Happy Stable RelationshipOutcomes > CL and CLalt When the outcomes of a partner are both better than our expectations and better than we think we can find elsewhere we are in a happy stable relationshipUnhappy but Stable RelationshipCLalt < Current Outcomes < CL When the outcomes of our current partner is better than what we think we could find elsewhere, but falls short of what we think we deserve we are in an unhappy but stable relationshipHappy but Unstable RelationshipCL < Current Outcomes < CLalt When the outcomes of our current partner is better than what we think we deserve, but less than what we think someone else will give usUnstable Unhappy RelationshipCurrent Outcomes < CL and CLalt When the outcomes of our current partner are less than what we think we deserve and less than what we think someone else could give usHealthy Interdependent RelationshipWhen you and your partner both feel your expectations are being exceeded and you're better together than with anyone else. You'll both be motivated to nurture your relationship.Likely or Unlikely to Leave? Happy and StableUnlikelyLikely or Unlikely to Leave? Unhappy but StableUnlikelyLikely or Unlikely to Leave? Happy but UnstableLikelyLikely or Unlikely to Leave? Unhappy and UnstableLikelyAs time goes on typically CL _________ and satisfaction ____________.increases, decreasesPrinciple of Lesser InterestThe partner who depends less on a relationship has more power in that relationship.Betty and Barney are equally happy in their relationship, however Betty's CLalt's are higher than Barney's. According to the Principle of Lesser Interest who likely holds more power in the relationship?Betty, Barney has more to lose because Betty gives greater outcomes than Barney's other possible partners. This means Betty is likely more dominant in the relationship and has more leeway.American marriages are more/less happy than they were 30 years ago.Less, societal expectations for our partners have increased. We expect romantic partners to fill more of our needs now than previous generations ever did.Feminism has decreased/increased women's CLalt.Increased, women's increased participation in the workforce has given them both interesting coworkers and financial resources that make it easier to leave unhappy relationships.T/F Sooner or later married people are likely to be meaner to each other than anyone they know.TrueT/F Desirable events in close relationships are more noticeable and influential than equally undesirable events.False, the opposite is true. We like gains, but we HATE losses.To stay satisfied with a close relationship, we may need to maintain a rewards-to-costs ratio of at least:5-to-1T/F Spouses with fearful or dismissing attachment styles are especially likely to miss the positive loving things their significant others do for them.TrueT/F In relationships trying to obtain rewards and avoid costs are the same thing.FalseApproach MotivationWe pursue pleasure and feel positive emotions when we approach desired experiences.Avoidance MotivationWe seek to avoid punishment or pain, we avoid undesired experiences to reduce negative feelings.Avoidance or Approach Motivation? We want to have sex with our partner to experience intimacy and physical pleasure.ApproachAvoidance or Approach Motivation? We want to have sex with our partner so they will stop pouting about it.AvoidantFlourishing RelationshipMany rewards with few cost, high success in Approach and Avoidance MotivationsBoring RelationshipSafe, but dull. Low Approach success High avoidance successDistressed RelationshipFew rewards and many costs, low approach and avoidance successPrecarious RelationshipMany delights many dangers, high approach and low avoidance successSelf-Expansion ModelWe are attracted to partnership that expands the range of our interests, skills, and experiences.Relational TurbulenceWe should expect a period of adjustments and turmoil as new partners became accustomed to their increasing interdependence.Four main reasons we are less happy in relationships over time.Lack of effort, Interdependency magnifies conflict, Access to personal/secret/embarrassing information, Unwelcome surprises, and Unrealistic expectationsExchange Relationshipspeople do favors for others expecting to be repaid by receiving comparable benefits in returnCommunal Relationshipspartners feel a special concern for the other's well-being, and they provide favors and support to one another without expecting repaymentExchange or Communal When working on a group project Daniel distinguishes his contributions from the rest of the groupExchangeExchange or Communal Mary's mood sours when she wasn't able to help her partnerCommunalExchange or Communal Vincent prefers repayment immediately when he does a favorExchangeWhat does relationship equity look like?Your Outcomes/Your Contributions = Your Partner's Outcomes/Your Partner's ContributionsProportional Justiceeach partner gains benefits from the relationship that are proportional to their individual contributions to it.OverbenefittedReceiving better outcomes than one deservesUnderbenefittedReceiving less than one shouldThe Triangular theory of love (Sternberg)Three building blocks combine to form different types of loveNonlovelow intimacy, low passion, no commitmentLikinghigh intimacy, low passion and commitmentInfatuationlow intimacy, high passion, low commitmentEmpty Lovelow intimacy, low passion, high commitmentRomantic Lovehigh intimacy, high passion, low commitmentCompanionate Lovehigh intimacy, low passion, high commitmentFatuous Lovelow intimacy, high passion, high commitmentConsummate Lovehigh intimacy, high passion, high commitmentErosthe erotic loverLudusthe playerStorgefriendship into loveManiamanic, possessive, excitableAgapealtruistic and dutifulPragmapractical, careful, logicalMen score higher in which style of love?LudusWomen score higher in which types of love?Storge and Pragma