Chapter Eleven: Attraction, Love, and Communication

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Mere-exposure effect
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Terms in this set (47)
Attachment theory of loveBased on the idea that people's attachment with their caregiver as an infant impacts their ability to connect with others later. Lists three types of lovers: secure, fearful/avoidant, preoccupied/anxious-ambivalentSecure loversIn the attachment theory of love, these lovers find it easy to get close to others and are comfortable having others feel close to themFearful/avoidant loversIn the attachment theory of love, these lovers feel uncomfortable being close to others and having others feel close to themPreoccupied/anxious-ambivalentIn the attachment theory of love, these lovers desperately want to get close to a partner but often find the partner does not reciprocateLove styles theoryA theory that lists different kinds of love or ways that people love. Includes eros, ludus, and storgeErosIn the love styles theory, a powerful physical attraction to the loved personLudusIn the love styles theory, a playful loveStorgeIn the love styles theory, a very stable or reliable loveManiaIn the love styles theory, a combination of eros and ludus in which love is an obsessionPragmaIn the love styles theory, a combination of storge and ludus in which love is pragmaticAgapeIn the love styles theory, an altruistic love characterized by kindness, understanding, and the absence of jealousyPassionate loveA state of intense longing for union with the other person and of intense physiological arousalCompanionate loveA feeling of deep attachment and commitment to a person with whom one has an intimate relationshipJealousyA cognitive, emotional, and behavioral response to a threat on a interpersonal relationshipEmotional jealousyWhen one person believes or knows the other is in love with or emotionally attached to another personSexual jealousyWhen one person believes or knows the other wants to or has had sex with another personTwo-component theory of love (Walster and Berscheid)Theory that states that love occurs when a person is in a state of intense physiological arousal AND attributes the label "love" to itMisattribution of arousalWhen a person in a stage of physiological arousal attributes these feelings to love or attraction to the person presentJohn Gottmanresearcher who discovered four destructive patterns of interactionCriticismattacking a partner's personality or characterContemptintentionally insulting or verbally abusing the other personDefensivenessdenying responsibility, making excuses, replying with a complaint, and making other self-protective responses instead of addressing the problemWithdrawalresponding to a partner's complaint with silence, turning on the TV, or walking out of the room instead of responding to a partner's complaintIntentwhat the speaker meansImpactwhat someone understands the speaker to meanEffective communicatora communicator whose impact matches their intent"I" languagespeaking for yourself, using the word "I," not mind readingsMind readingmaking assumptions about what your partner thinks or feelsDocumentinggiving specific examples of the issue being discussedLevelingtelling your partner what you are feeling by stating your thoughts clearly, simply, and honestlyEditingcensoring or not saying things that would be deliberately hurtful to your partner or that are irrelevantParaphrasingsaying, in your own words, what you thought your partner meantNonverbal communicationcommunication not through words but through the body (eye contact, tone of voice, touching)Nondefensive listeningfocusing on what your partner is saying, not immediately becoming defensive or counterattackingValidatingtelling your partner that, given their point of view, you can see why they think a certain wayMagic ratioaccording to Gottman's research, there should be five times as much positive interaction than negative interactionFighting faira set of rules designed to make arguments constructive rather than destructive