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"Squad Goals" Coach Morrison Lines Scene 2

Terms in this set (17)

Hey there. I'm Jones, I'm here to try out for the team.
Wonderful.
But isn't this a girls' team?
Girls.Boys. What difference does it make? We're all the same on the inside
I'm not sure that's true. There's like a uterus-
I didn't some here for a biology lession!
Maybe you need one.
So um...
You know what we're looking for? Heart
I got one of those
And you know what shows heart? An inspriational story. You ever see Hoosiers?
Yeah. All the time. We get wins there
No. Hoosiers. It's a movie about a ragtag bunch of losers in Indiana, 'cause everybody's a loser in Indiana
Not everybody. Just most of them
Let me tell you about Jimmy Chitwood. Lives on a farm. Best shooter in Indiana. He's so poor her doesn't even own a ball. So you know what he does? Everyday ge does out into a field and he takes a couple of chickens, and eh crushed them into a sphere. And he throws that chicken sphere at a hoop made out of pig intestines
Where does he get the pig intestines?
From the pigs
Doesn't that hurt them?
Intestines are like your brains. You only use twenty percent of them
And you teach biology?
Forget about the details. The point is that he's dirt poor. And his father was killed in a mining accident and his mother sells squirrels to survive
Why would you buy squirrels?
'Cause poor people can't think straight, all right? Whatever! And he leads that team to the state championship. So if you're gonna be part of this team, Jones, you need to have an inspirational story and it needs to be underscored by stirring, dramatic music. Got it?
...Okay. All right, um...
Hold on. Squad!
This here is Jones. You guys are soft. You had it easy. Listen to Jones' story!
Okay um...hey
Yeah. Tell it
JONES' MONOLOGUE
...And they died so we could have healthy leafy vegetables
What does that have to do with basketball?
I don't know, I'm just-
You didn't even tie it in
I grew up in the suburbs, it hasn't been that tough
Out!
I live your deciciveness
I know, Coach Weebly. Don't fall in love with me
Okay. Next!
end
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