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Space Pandas 3 - Scene 6 to end of show

Terms in this set (32)

VIVIAN. I guess so.

SCENE SEVEN

(The Throne of Topax. BINKY is surrounded by PANDAS.
GEORGE TOPAX is on the throne. The EXECUTIONER
is working out with his pumpkins.)

GEORGE. How's it working?
EXECUTIONER. A.O.K. GEORGE. Good.
OFFSTAGE VOICE. You've got two minutes to show up, Sheep.
GEORGE {pauses}. He. look, cheer up, these things they happen.
BINKY. Thank you.
GEORGE. There's no need to take that tone, it's nothing
personal.
EXECUTIONER (to BINKY). You mind just standing under here a minute?
BINKY. Sure. {He stands under the pumpkin apparatus. The· EXECUTIONER makes adjustments.) What about Bob and Vivian?
GEORGE. Hmmm. What about them?
BINKY. When you whack me out they'll be here all alone.

(Throughout this section, the EXECUTIONER is heard muttering 'ONE, TWO, THREE' and testing the apparatus.)

GEORGE. Uh huh.
BINKY. How will they get back to Waukegan?
GEORGE. Well, you know, that sheep of yours, at such timeas we catch him, isn't going anywhere. Eh? We are going to make a sweater for me out of him.
BINKY. And then what?
GEORGE. Whack him out.
EXECUTIONER. I've never dropped a pumpkin on an animal before.
BINKY (to GEORGE). Why?
GEORGE. Why? I will tell you. George Topax gets his sweater.
ALL. All Hail Topax!
GEORGE. Thank you. Then we whack the sheep out, and noooooobody else, huh? in the Whole Great Grey Goose Nebula can have a sweater. I'm the only one.
BINKY. Why don't you just send Vivian and Bob back to
Waukegan.
GEORGE. How?
BINKY. What?
GEORGE. How'm I gonna do that?
BINKY. With the Spatial Relocator.
GEORGE. Hey, that hasn't worked in years.
BINKY. Oh.
OFFSTAGE VOICE. One minute.
BINKY. Wait. Wait. Let me try to get my two-speed clock to work. Give me a bobbypin.
GEORGE. No time.
BINKY. But wait. How will Vivian get back?
GEORGE. She stays.
BINKY. But she's already overdue on her last science project.
GEORGE. Tough.
BINKY. She'll never graduate. (TOPAX shrugs.) This guy is mean ...
EXECUTIONER. Heck yes.
GEORGE (to EXECUTIONER). You ready? EXECUTIONER. Bet your flaky piecrust, Sire.
GEORGE. Go whack him out.

{A processional has begun, leading BINKY around the ThroneRoom in a ceremonial fashion,and eventually ending back at the pumpkin guillotine. The JESTER takes stage.}

JESTER:Oh, they'd taken Binky Rudich and they'd
Put him on the stand.
And now•. they're going to whack him
And no one can lend a hand.
Oh, the hearts of Crestview· tremble
At the sight of the brave boy,
Who has grown up in Waukegan and ...
GEORGE. Will somebody get that wimp out of here?

(The JESTER is removed. The processional proceeds, and concludes at the pumpkin guillotine.)

OFFSTAGE VOICE. That's it, there ain't no more, the time is up.
GEORGE. Any last words?
BINKY. Why don't vou let me try to fix the two·speed clock in case you change your mind?
GEORGE. Forget it. (To EXECUTIONER). Do it. (There is a drumroll, suspense, etc.l
EXECUTIONER. ONE! ... TWO! ... (He inhales.)
(The PANDA arrives on the scene with VIVIAN and BOB.)

PANDA. Oh, mighty Topax!
GEORGE. Big talk for a sheep.
BINKY. Goodbye, Bob.
EXECUTIONER. Two!
GEORGE. They get a little lanolin, they think they own the
world.
(BINKY and VIVIAN hold hands.)
EXECUTIONER. Aaannd ...
(A COLONEL of the SPACE PANDAS appears.)
COLONEL Wait!
GEORGE (sighing}. What? (Aside.} Can you beat this? (To RETAINER.} Who is this guy?
RETAINER. Who are you?
COLONEL "Fiat Tibi Quo Pax."
All. "Eee I Eee I Oh."
COLONEL. Sire, I am Colonel Lazlo Orurik of the 58th Space Pandas, currently deployed on Asteroid five-eighteen of the Goolagong Euclidic Archapelago.
GEORGE. How are things up there?
COLONEL. Sire, we have been overrun. We're overnumbered and outflanked. Our soldiers fall like flies. We were be trayed, our maps and plans were bartered to the enemy. They crept in while we slept and took the garrison. Only two escaped.

(One SPACE PANDA talks to another.}

PANDA 1. What did this guy say his name was?
PANDA2. Uh, Colonel Drurik.
PANDA 1. I think I've heard of him, that sounds familiar.

(As the COLONEL walks, he surreptitiously slips the locks of the Concentration Chamber, and then draws the attention of the assemblage away from same.)

GEORGE (to RETAINER}. I seem to have heard this before ...
COLONEL. And I cali for revenge, Lord, revenge on the das·

tardly oowards who crept in the night like worms ... PANDA 1. ISn't that the Colonel's name in ' Revenge of the
Space Pandas?"
PANDA 2. You know, you're right.
.PANDA 1. Maybe thev modeled him after this guy. PANDA 2. Yeah.

\aiNKV and ViV!A!'J ;ifl ak out of the booth ;;HHi rendezvous

with BOB.)


COLONEL. Revenge -ror the Honor of the Space Pandas and of Crestview. TI-n.;:£ brave men and womar: 'Nil! not have ex pired ill vain. ! caii all citizens to arms ...
GEORGE. l'msure I've heard this ...
COLONEL For the fl3g and the posterity of Crestview, of the
Goolagong, of the Geese Nebula Herseif, Sisters and
6rothers, now. thfi time has come to ...
; EORGE. £:! ft::; se;;(:nd ... P ti:Sf;S.} V.Je ar-en't at wr \"lith ar:yc;oe. {P:::!.!5e::.: And furthermore, l'vheard that speech somewhere be'iore.
EXECUTiONER. Yei::b.
GEORGE. Now.what is your name?
COLONEL Colonel Lazlo Drurik of the 58th Space Pandas.

GEORGE. Lazlo Drurik.
EXECUTiONER. isn't that the Colonel's name in nRevenge of

the Space ...
GEORGE. That'stht. :;peaa'i ·from "The Rever-,ge of the ... COLONEL. Run Vivian, run, Bob.

(Aii eyes turn on BiN KY. BOB and ViVIAN, who make a mad
dash for the two-speed clock, ensconsed near the Throne of Topax.)


RETAINER. Stop them!


(Everyone tries, save GEORGE. who continues conversing with
DRURIK.)


GEORGE. Yeah. That's the speech from "Revenge of the Space
Pandas."

DRURIK. That is correct.
GEORGE. That is the speech from the movie!!! 1 thought so. (!'.side.) Will somebody seize that sheep? (To COLONEL.) So you aren't LazloDrurik. Is that what you're telling us?
DRURIK. Sadly, yes.

GEORGE. Bad luck for you, then, turkey, 'cause you're in some real hot water here.


!The RETAINERS catch the sheep.)


RETAINER. Hey, hey. VIle got him. GEORGE. Took your own sweet time.
RETAINER. We've recaptured the Earthlings, your Lucidity.
GEORGE. Okay, okay. (To EARTHLINGS.) We're getting
to you in a minute. Yeah. {To crowd.) Can you believe this? Here this tunafish just tritzes in, pretends to be a Colonel of the Great Space Pandas, gets us in a lather, huh, the whole time he's this dirty turncoat in league with the Earthlings. {Pauses. What shall we do to him?
RETAINER. Bad things.

GEORGE. You bet your life. (To DRURIK.) I hope y.ou got